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Read a Personal Blogg
I) This post is a humorous article written solely to get you incredible people to bust a gut; and should in no way be taken seriously.
II) Most examples are in the context of recent graduates.
III) All, I repeat, ALL situations and examples are ficticious.
INTERVIEW…the next word that immediately pops up in your mind when I say INTERVIEW is STRESS. It does not matter whether it is for the post of a CEO for a multinational or for a waiter at a street corner restaurant. You will be nervous before a job interview. Why? Well, obviously because you badly want the job but you know some ravenous monster is awaiting to eat your brains with the most annoying questions that have ever gone down in the history of job interviews. By the way, have you noticed that sinister, almost I’m-gonna-screw-you grin on an interviewer’s face before the meeting? I swear it literally inspires my inner serial killer. If you too have been victimized by a string of dumb questions in a formal setting at least once in your life, welcome to the club!
Anyway, let’s check out their lousy questions which warrant even lousier answers.
EA means expected answer (what the interviewer wants to hear).
HA means honest answer (what you would reply, if you had the balls).
1) Tell me about yourself.
EA- Be like Trump. Blow your own trumpet by talking about your education, previous work experience and proven success.
HA- I’m The Little Mermaid, a born winner. I started out as the sperm which won the race. I worked very hard to get to where I am in life today- an unemployed university graduate. I’m currently trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie but there are just too many holes in the plot.
2) Why do you want this job?
EA- Demonstrate how your skills match, show your enthusiasm for the job and explain how you fit into the culture.
HA- Firstly, I want the job to earn money to pay for my living expenses because I have always been so passionate about not starving to death. Secondly, I’ve heard your company has a vacancy and coincidentally, I am jobless. So, luck just happened to kiss me. Lastly, I was considering the marvellous idea of harvesting organs from homeless people to make ends meet. Unfortunately, it is illegal.
*Sweet Jesus, please grant me the power to deal with this bullshit for as long as eternity takes.
3) What special skill do you have?
EA- Reveal your strengths related to the job.
HA- I can twerk. Just kidding. That’s my sense of humour. You’ll get used to it. Actually I’ve hacked your system and shortlisted myself for the interview. Now, can you imagine the damage I can do to your organisation by working for your rivalling competitor? I’m also great at multi-tasking. I can waste my time, be unproductive and day-dream all at once. Moreover, I have amazing ability to meet tight deadlines after an interminable procrastination session. These are a few of the many bankable fortes that I possess.
4) What is your greatest weakness?
EA- The trick is to turn a negative flaw into a positive.
HA- I worry too much. But I’m working on it. Next time something goes wrong, I’ll try blaming someone else for it. For instance, suppose I don’t get this job, it’d be all due to the crappy questions that you need to shove up to your arse.
5) What are your communication skills?
EA- List your oral and written communication aptitude.
HA- If you’ll pardon my french, my language proficiency includes: bitter sarcasm, pugnacious insults and inappropriate sexual satire.
*How did I end up here in this Tophet?
6) What are your hobbies?
EA- Talk only about the intellectual constructive hobbies that you are engaged in. And remember. Masturbation does not count.
HA- My pastimes are lying on the bed switching between the same three apps on my mobile phone for hours, listening to the same songs I’ve been listening to since 20 years, clicking hundreds of bathroom selfies per day and imagining myself in situations that will never exist in real life. I’m a very interesting person, aren’t I?
7) Where do you see yourself in five years?
EA- Show ambition, commitment and goal-orientedness, even if your sense of direction at the moment is like a headless chicken.
HA- I’m so glad you asked. Please allow me to bore you for several minutes with a lump of overly-optimistic nonsense about my future. I’ll either be happily sitting at your place, just asking better questions or win a Noble Prize for getting Black Rhinos to hump more. Either way, I plan to take over the world and my future is as bright as a pair of albino buttocks bathed in sunlight.
8) What is your idea of teamwork?
EA- Display your ability to work collaboratively and motivate others in the group as well.
HA- I was rather searching for a job where I’m politely ignored and left to my own devices with unlimited internet access, doughnuts and coffee. However, I understand the importance of teamwork, especially if you are bone idle. It allows a moocher to get favourable commendation from his or her boss for a job others slogged away every cell of their body at completing. Basically, teamwork is great.
9) Tell me about your professional experience.
EA- Highlight your past accomplishment and knowledge at previous jobs. Convey your excitement to transfer your skills to the post you have applied for.
HA- From the job advertisement, I gather that you are looking for someone aged 22-25 with thirty years of work experience. If you don’t mind me asking Sir, are you looking for a time traveller? This sounds really innovative on your part. Let me congratulate you. Now, to answer your question, frankly I do not have any job experience. Still, I have more degrees than a thermometer. I’m sure it would make up for the lack of hands-on involvement.
10) What are your salary expectations?
EA- The interviewer wants to know the minimum salary you will accept and see if you are aware of your value in the labour market.
HA- I want a job that would appreciate my exceptional talent. So, I expect to be paid above the median salary of your average employee. I think Rs 40 000 is reasonable to start with. As I prove my remarkable intelligence at work, you can add up to any amount of zeros, in your good judgement, as my increment.
11) What makes you think that you are the best candidate for this job and why should we hire you?
EA- Evince your passion for the job and praise the company profusely.
HA- Arrogance. End of story.
Phew! A job interview indeed puts everyone, the strongest and most sensible ones alike through the wringer. It’s not too bad, albeit I believe that the questions and answers that have been parroted for decades could be restructured in a more unconventional manner. There’s no royal road to securing a nice job in today’s increasingly competitive world; but if you are worth your salt, success is a sure thing. To those having upcoming interviews- Break a leg! Knock ’em dead!
Created by Bluebaby Graphics
Created by Mim
Are we all broken
Carrying dark pasts
DO you ever question WHY Me!
Thoughts raced through my mind like a never ending chase
Until one day, every thing clicked
I was the victim of a perpetrators
Until then, did I find the truth within myself
Relief spread through my fragile soul
With a feel of divine freedom
Waves of emotions held all these years just washed away
The freeing of my soul I felt liberated from the guilt I had carried all these years.
Until, that moment I found the freedom to be whomever I am today.
I’m not broken anymore, I am proud to say I am Free!
As seen through the eyes of a child. MIM
All the Education in the world without application
I have no qualms in admitting
That I have been a fool
I need to learn the ABCs
So I’m going back to school
The shiny gates are open
And they’re calling out to me
So I’ll pack my books and bag
And a student I would be
There’ll be a lot of folks there
Of varied age and size
Showing child-like eagerness
To win an elusive prize
But not all of them will be winning
A lot of them would repeat
The tests and the course
As a part of their defeat
I wish I hadn’t spent so many years
Learning all sorts of stuff
When I should really have been learning
How to grow up and be tough
I know math and physics
I have what it takes
But I don’t know how to fix
A broken heart that aches
I don’t know how to fix
An aching heart that breaks
Created by Bluebaby Graphics
Created by Mim
When I heard her speak I was intimately reminded of the troubled mind I had as a teen. A profound desire and longing to feel “othered” .. a feeling that could only be satiated by a sense of belonging to a fringe spiritual denomination that welcomed me and reveled in its otherness and sense of injustice. Once the spell of victimhood was broken, like breaking into a cold sweat after a fever, the mental gymnast I had in my mind was crippled. The cold chill of reality hit me like being thrown naked into a cold rock-laden river. It was only then, in this naked state and actual loneliness, that I was able to begin my journey of discovery through this beautiful creation we are blessed to be a part of.
The most tragic and ironic thing in all this, is now finding myself surrounded by people with blindfolds on. If only I could tear down their veils, but I’m afraid this is a task that is incumbent on each one of us to bear. Thankfully, I have the beauty I now plainly see in all things to be my companion.
Created Bluebaby Graphics
Under the spell of faith our life is endowed with heaven all around us but under the grip of reason life is coarse, cold, lonely and hell itself.
Created by Bluebaby Graphics
Created by Mi
IS IT POSSIBLE,
– yes it is
Fills your soul with the greatest power of all happiness
And if you are truly blessed look after what was sent to as a gift from heaven
Nourish “CHERISH” ..ALL YOUR BLESSINGS
AND “NEVER LET IT GO”
I was the type of person that held on things to tight
Unable to release my grip and although it gave me blisters
My fingers used to ache. I always thought that holding on was worth the pain it takes.
I used to thing in losing things, I would lose part of me too.
That slowly I would also become someone, not a no one.
Then one day something happened.
I dropped what I also thought was wrong and my soul beamed lighter.
Instead of being full of fear
And, it taught my heart some things , they don’t last for long.
Some things they arrive to teach you a lessons
And then continue on, don’t cling to people, that’s not the way to go
Who no longer makes YOU
Then most times the thing you’re fighting for isn’t worth the effort
Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger
It never lasts.
No one can ever replace the unquestionably “You”
Inspiration Life is a game it is your choice as to whether or not you win or lose this game you have no choice in making any rules in this game until you learn how to play to win the game you can learn more from the losers and their mistakes for those survivor’s before you will not speak to survive longer than those who have and those who you are closest to you would make you a winner as well. This game of life we play you will you will nothing but emotional and mental torture to the point self inflicted physical mental torture to the point of self destruction
I must confess, it has been a time
Since your soft name has graced my mind
A label, title, as much yours as mine
A poignant word I thought I’d left behind
Sunny, bright days we’d walk in together
Shade we’d lounge in, cooled by deep shadow
Blue skies, bubbling water stretching forever
As we’d strolled brook-margined green meadow
You never tip-toed foreground nor limelight
Never a harsh word slipped beyond your lips
Heart-wrenching moment were you in full sight
Upon your precious, pale forehead: a kiss
Sweet brother, your chest never rose nor fell
Never to pass this ideal pastural
Max Marshall, Harry Marshall, Ron Marshall. JUNE MARSHALL, MANDY MARSHALL, MAXJOHN MARSHALL, CECILIA MARSHALL. R.I.P!
Mim Marshall 😇