Tag Archives: FUNNY

(“DIS” means disrespect.) ~ what will I perpetrate ~

“THE ‘DIS’ POEM” a poem 🙂 – for Saturday, September 14, 2019

(“DIS” means disrespect.)

“You don’t know your own mind,” Wise (?) M[e]n have told me;

“Why do you want me to change [again]?” I ask, inquiringly.

“I DON’T KNOW,” say The Wise (?) but [I’m] [we’re] SURE it must be,

Because [I] DO think&orFeelIT and (of course) Ifeel MYclar- ity,

Of thought, life & intention(s) AND I like MY P H I L Osophy.”

“Yeah, I know PHIL means LOVE, but isn’t it OK to disagree,

About WHAT CONSTITUTES LOVE? (pause)

I THINK – it MAY BE leaving alone,

A[ny] person with their own ideas so they can gently HONE,

Their OWN set of skills, values and desires;

I DO N O T SAY [THAT] DESIRES ARE BAD, but some folks have pliers,

And wants to make adjustments on my (select one if you wish)

(1) SILLY;

(2) PERFECT;

(3) ACCEPTABLE;

(4) Any or none of the above

LIFE,

Or to judge my friends and or family or evaluate my (future) wife,

Or my choice of expression or the places I visit.

Why are you concerned so much about MY life YOU NEEDnOT “DIS” IT,

Or BLESS IT. Isn’t it MY prerogative to do what I think is best (for J)?

Why does that not sit well with you? For, I think we must all pay,

OUR OWN [SET OF] DUES FOR THE THINGS WE PURSUE;

There’s only YOU and there’s ME and shouldn’t I choose [with my life],

WHAT I WILL DO?

fin ♥

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“THAT SPECIAL YOU” a poem Sept. 14, 2019 (Saturday)

“THAT SPECIAL YOU” a poem Sept. 14, 2019 (Saturday)

We all have THAT SPECIAL SOMEone WE’RE DREAMING OF,

Which DOES NOT mean that (s)he does NOT want to kill us (you), And, even if (s)he seems / looks like a Heavenly dove,

(S)he MAY still poke our eyes out or eat our liver clean,

Out of our abdomen, and it don’t mean thathe ain’t REAL MEAN,

But, well, THAT SPECIAL SOMEone IS JUST WHO THEY ARE;

You could meet them at church or maybe in a bar,

OR at The Gates of Hell AND BECAUSE OF THEM, you’ll turn back,

And do all sorts of crazy stuff,

For CRAZY HUMANS (for crazy) WILL NEVER LACK,

‘Cause THE OBJECT OF YOUR AFFECTIONS may be objectionable to all your family YET (s)he may be YOUR BEST FRIEND;

Who, like Delilah might cut off all your hair in the end.

YET, you’re my SPECIAL SOMEONE; you make me HAPPY and sad AS HECK,

But I really don’t care when YOU SAY: “I am a wreck,”

BECAUSE,

Moral: “EYES OF LOVE AND LONGING SEE YOU AS PERFECT AS CAN BE;

You’re my SPECIAL SOMEONE, The One Just Right for me.”

fin ♥

(aside) And, HONEY: That glorious “poop hole” of yours that makes others throw up,

Well, I just wanna lick / sip it good. IT MAKES A MARVELOUS COFFEE CUP.

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Light spirits Comic Strip ~ 1993

Copy of Script as below ~

LIGHT SPIRITS! “Sweetie, please let me give you psychic massage (I guess that’s massage you give “with your mind!”) to activate your FUN-dalini energy!” (as opposed to: kundalini energy, which is described as divine energy, believe to be located at the base of the spine, which can be “activated” and then sent through the body for purposes of healing and enlightenment!) “OK, nectar blossom, sock it to me. Now, just lay back, precious, relax – let the Universal energy imbibe your every fiber.” “Darling, Oh-oh. Oh. I feel it!! energy oh – oh- ” (Notice these two are wearing their “omitamas,” lockets that in the “religion” and/or practice of Sukyo Mahikari [earlier described] allow them to direct the Power of God through their hands and eyes!) “Honey, this is it!! It’s happening – energy moving up my body – invigorating, energizing.” “Let it happen; let itto happen, Lover Man.” “Oh, wow, look, dearest, how do you suppose it got in here?” “I don’t know, baby – but what technique!” “Chirp!” (Evidently, the sensations our hero was experiencing were thanks to, perhaps, a bird that had happened onto the scene during his psychic massage!) J-Jay Samuel Davis & Sheri Robin Campbell, (who, you will notice, if you recall the first strip of this series, is wearing “The Crooked Chon!”) Dec. 1992 . . . [Happy 1993 from The Fundalini Bird]

There are 7 major chakras and the kundalini energy, through meditation, concentration and intent is directed through these “centers,” to activate and refine them!

Salesman of the Year Award ~

“THE BIRDS’ FEEDER!?” a poem in the series: “It’s A God Thang!” Sept. 7, 2019 – Saturday!

And, IF there was a God, you could say:

“Feed The Birds, Lord; feed-them each-day!”

But, since-there’s-no-God, do-it-your-self, go-to-the-store-for-bread-they-might-eat!

GET-YOU-SOME CASH (or-a-card) or Steal-’em-a-loaf;*

Wouldn’t that be-neat?

And – with the stolen bread, just “take-off” down The Street,*

Pursued by ARMED GUARDS, who, when-they-capture-your-slow-a – -,

WILL BEAT,

YOU! to-within-an-inch-of-your-life!

“Gosh,” you say; “I’m-NOT-married, so-I-couldn’t-get-good-advice, like-NOT-to-do-something-stupid-like-that – from-MY-WIFE, 🙂 – Yeah!

So, you plead: “It WAS bread for the little, singing birds!”

They’ll say: “Shut UP, you thief; them’s just-a-bunch of stupid words!”

And – THEY TOSS YOU IN JAIL, you silly “God-wanna-wanna- be,”

But-at-least they might serve-you-a-bread-sandwich,

Oh, ” MASTER! OF-YOUR DES-TIN-Y!”

fin ♥

  • – This is ONLY a line in a poem; we are NOT suggesting you actually go out and steal some bread for the birds and “make-a-run-for-it,” OK? (I am NOT like Obi Wan Kenobi, trying to manipulate your “mind” to make you do something stupid, OK!? However! (long pause) “GO TO https://mydaz.blog and CLICK ON THERE AND BUY STUFF off that site, so the people who run that blog will get a little commission/percentage cut from the WONDERFUL STUFF THAT YOU WILL SEE! AND COME BACK

OFTEN

AND BUY!

BUY!

BUY!

Bye!”)

This story was told by a loving wife

This story was told by a loving wife

At a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. 

“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.



” We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Tom Smith.” The entire congregation held its breath.

I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.

1.Law of Mechanical Repair –

1.Law of Mechanical Repair –

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity – 

Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability – 

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers – 

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law – 

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.Law of the Bath – 

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7.Law of Close Encounters – 

The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

8.Law of the Result – 

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics – 

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena – 

At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance.

The aisle people also are very surly folk.

 11.The Coffee Law – 

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.Murphy’s Law of Lockers – 

If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.Law of Physical Surfaces 

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

14.Law of Logical Argument – 

Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance – 

If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

 16.Law of Public Speaking — 

A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – 

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

 18.Doctors’ Law – 

If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. 

But don’t make an appointment & you’ll stay sick.