Tag Archives: FUNNY Politics

Letter to A Politician ๐Ÿ˜ญ Australian Politicians ๐Ÿ˜

The Honourable Scott Morrison MP
Prime Minister’s (temporary) Office
Parliament House Canberra A.C.T.

Dear Scottie,

Forgive us if we haven’t taken you seriously enough during your brief tenure. It seems like only yesterday you took over the nation’s highest office with true Christian humility – the culmination of weeks of public modesty and private backstabbing. Now it’s only a matter of days before you’ll be looking for another job.

Where will you go, Scottie? The lads at the RSL are running a book. A little inside drum would not go astray. Will you hang around as (temporary) Leader of the Opposition or return to a plum sinecure in the corpulent sector? A year from now will we be seeing you flogging shonky cutlery sets on the Shopping Channel at three in the morning, or will your career take on new directions, like peddling pancakes outside a pox-doctor’s clinic?

Clearly, you’d be well advised to avoid anything to do with computers. You’ve had us all in stitches this week with your response to the burgeoning problem with would-be pollies and their social media histories. (I know,I know, the other parties have unearthed a few duds too, but right now yours is the problem under consideration.) A reasonable reaction, it seems to me, would have been to bring in new party rules guaranteeing closer scrutiny of candidates’ FB & Twitter profiles BEFORE they could be accepted in pre-selection ballots. But no, that would have been too simple & logical, wouldn’t it? You had to pull the rabbit out of your arse and threaten social media trolls with the sort of prison time generally reserved for archbishops, didn’t you?

What WERE your advisers thinking? Were they thinking at all? Do you not realise than 90% of trolls lurk on the far right of the spectrum? They believe in chemtrails & the takeover of Sharia law & think fluoride is an Illuminati plot. They believe Pauline speaks from the heart, dismiss Bill Shorten as a looser, deploy ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ indiscriminately, eat their takeaway food in dinning rooms, are convinced Penny Wong is a Communist agent and think Hitler’s still alive in Argentina. Most internet trolls, in short, come from the ranks of your supporters. If they weren’t confused enough before, they sure are now.

Thanks for the memories, old chum. May your future be full of Engadine moments and resounding slogans. If a Pentecostalist falls over paralytic drunk in a forest and there’s nobody there to see, will he still be able to write a character reference for a known pedophile?

Enjoy your retirement Scottie. Life won’t be the same without you. We should have paid more careful attention, though it was at times hard to focus, what with all the shouting and the meaningless slogans. The less charitable among us dismissed you as a mere skidmark on the Reg Grundies of Australian political history.

In the end, you weren’t even that significant.

Yours in premature triumph,

Godfrey Bigot JP
West Bathurst 2795

Dear Godfrey, I know that your spelling was deliberately aimed at the illiterate trolls at the Liberal party head quarters but some of our new readers might mistake you for a looser. I am here to say that you are one of the most erudite, eloquent, educated, elite, elegant, enlightened, members of our exclusive RSL club and you were just taking the piss. Yours sincerely Beryl Sidebottom
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Australian Political Satire ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ

IMBECILE, a. & n., mentally weak, stupid; person of weak intellect, esp. adult with intelligence equal to that of average child about 5.

We generally apply the term ‘imbecile’ to One Nation candidates & other conservative politicians known to eat their own earwax or move their lips when they read. The modern usage suggests nothing but feeble-mindedness. Yet the word originally referred to physical rather than mental issues. It comes from the prefix ‘in’ + the noun ‘baculum’, meaning stick or rod. Physically handicapped people often need a crutch to move around, and managed to get through life literally on a stick.

The meaning shifted around the 17th century, presumably because in modern political life there are far more mental cripples than physical ones. Scarcely an hour passes without needing to call someone an imbecile. This is especially true during the lead-up to an election, when many of us find ourselves using it because screaming out ‘fucking idiot’ tends to frighten the kiddies.

‘Bacillus’ comes from the same root as ‘bacillus’, because many bacteria seen under a microscope are rod-shaped

Ross Macdonald is the ON candidate for Leichhardt.
Have a look at his photos in his FB page (adults only please)
.facebook.com/Rosscoshines/photos
The Nationals put him above the ALP and the Greens.

Ross Macdonald is the ON candidate for Leichhardt.
Have a look at his photos in his FB page (adults only please)
.facebook.com/Rosscoshines/photos
The Nationals put him above the ALP and the Greens.

How many will fall this Australian Elections , oh my goodness gracious so many have been very surprised that this Sex Romp men falling like sex starved hypocrites.

Funny that preaching RELIGION Community Standards ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—

This is already viral on the internet Facebook ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ถ

This woman says she can โ€˜cureโ€™ homosexuality with a suppository that kills โ€˜wormsโ€™ / LGBTQ Nation ~ what next ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿฆ„

https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2019/04/woman-says-can-cure-homosexuality-suppository-kills-anal-worms/

ME? CRAZY?

I should get down off this ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Unicorn and slap you ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ ๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„๐Ÿฆ„

I HAD MY PATIENCE TESTED YESTERDAY

And

IT CAME BACK NEGATIVE ๐Ÿ™

“AMY SCHUMER IS PREGNANT!”๐Ÿ˜Š

“AMY SCHUMER IS PREGNANT!” a poem a.k.a.: “The Queen of Banter Wants Us To All Reason Together, i.e.: Vomit More Often!” March 16, 2019 (Saturday)

My hero is Amy! She has hyperemesis!*
Let’s all just vomit-a-lot! It doesn’t have to be your nemesis!
ANAL -ysis! “Come, let us reason together,” says The Lord of The Dead!
“There can always be supplement – to what has been said!!”

“For there can be NO REST – in the analytical life!”
This is from Sweet ISIS!! said-Osiris,** about-his-wife!

“Much discussion wearies the body and mind!”
Thus, say-eth The Bible – in [The Book of] [H]ECC.*** you will find!
No wisdom of any worth urges ANAL – Ysis upon this Earth!
Indeed, ANAL Isis – will raise her most beautiful head,
Which is a “hydra-ic nightmare” it’s been said!
For The Hydra**** will multiply itself without end;
EACH HEAD A DISCUSSION – It’s an anal-ytic[al] trend!

IF you wish to avoid FOREVER – anal Isis and Inspection,
Just establish PARAMETERS! Then, Isis can-not escape detection,
For, if limited, she will quickly seek her ‘sisters,’
Lilah and Kaylie! and They’ll talk – ABOUT MISTERS,
About the “evil men” who never gave them more!
They will GOSSIP! GOSSIP! that – is their “score!”

And, in gossiping and coffee shop banter, they’ll continue all day,
“Throwing up stuff!”
“That’s ‘quality living?!’ “
But, Baby!-There’s H Ecc. k to pay! ๐Ÿ™‚ -Long live “The Queen of Banter,”
whose cousin Chuck is a senator from New York!

fin <3

* – a condition in which a person throws up a lot, especially when pregnant!
** – Osiris inherited “The Kingdom” in the Atum, during the season of Ra, Ra, Ra! His Queen Isis ruled at his side, but she was never as “nutty” as Osiris’ sister The Sky Goddess!! Now, THERE was a real NUT! [Yeah, her name was Nut!]
***- Ecclesiastes 12:12 et al
**** – a mythological creature who has heads that will multiple endlessly, as you cut them off – one by one, two by two – She [They] -was [were] -a-nightmare- on-The-Ark, for Noah and his crew!

Oh my goodness gracious wow ๐Ÿค—

Aphorism ~ Word of the day ~ Editor ๐Ÿ˜

Aphorism

is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner .

โ™ฆ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last
year. Not to cause any trouble….but shouldn’t that be an even number?

โ™ฆ I find it ironic that the colours red, white and
blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you.

โ™ฆ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their
body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

โ™ฆ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you
ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

โ™ฆ America is a country which produces citizens who
will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote.

โ™ฆ You know that tingly little feeling you get when
you love someone? That’s common sense leaving your body

โ™ฆ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with
vengeance. We’ll see about that!

โ™ฆ I think my neighbour is stalking me as she’s been
Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

โ™ฆ Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.

โ™ฆ You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

โ™ฆ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive,
try missing a couple of payments.

โ™ฆ I always wondered what the job application is
like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

โ™ฆ The location of your mailbox shows you how far
away from your house you can go in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

Now,

donโ€™t you feel better knowing what an aphorism is?


EDITOR’S COMMENTS:

Only in Australia Pauline Hanson a supposed Politician did Vote this idot into Parliament. She used cook fish and chips in a shop. You don’t have any knowledge in Australia to build a Fence like Donald Trump here. She thinks ABORIGINAL folk were cannibals. That’s why we have illegal immigrants here, wouldn’t you come in a boat to meet Pauline ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

The only different between Donald, he built a Fence to keep them out but the Government ( cheap skates)

Fish the immigrats out with fishing rods or push them under

Did you know that !

Donald Trump really is very kind ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜…

Politics ๐Ÿค

I would never say a truer word spoken โ€“ it has also happened here! Change America for Australia, change the names to the local left wing lunatics (Canberra political population), and there you have our own fortunes in a couple of paragraphs. Bushy (SA)

   BILLY GRAHAMโ€™S SON TELLS THE SAD TRUTH โ€“ COULDN'T HAVE BEEN SAID IT BETTER . . . . 

โ€œTime is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again.โ€

Franklin Graham was speaking at the First Baptist Church in
Jacksonville, Florida, when he said America will not come back.

He wrote:
โ€œThe American dream ended on November 6th, 2012. The second term of Barack Obama has been the final nail in the coffin for the legacy of the white Christian males who discovered, explored, pioneered, settled and developed the greatest republic in the history of mankind.

A coalition of blacks, Latinos, feminists, gays, government, workers,
union members, environmental extremists, the media, Hollywood,
uninformed young people, the โ€œforever needy,โ€ the chronically
unemployed, illegal aliens and other โ€œfellow travelersโ€ have ended
Norman Rockwellโ€™s America.

You will never again out-vote these people. It will take individual
acts of defiance and massive displays of civil disobedience to get
back the rights we have allowed them to take away. It will take zealots, not moderates and shy, not reach-across-the-aisle RINOs
(Republicans In Name Only) to right this ship and restore our beloved
country to its former status.

People like me are completely politically irrelevant, and I will
probably never again be able to legally comment on or concern myself with the aforementioned coalition which has surrendered our culture, our heritage and our traditions without a shot being fired.

The Cocker spaniel is off the front porch, the pit bull is in the back
yard, the American Constitution has been replaced with Saul Alinskyโ€™s
โ€œRules for Radicalsโ€ and the likes of Chicago shyster David Axelrod
along with international socialist George Soros have been pulling the
strings on their beige puppet and have brought us Act 2 of the New
World Order.

The curtain will come down but the damage has been done, the story has been told.

Those who come after us will once again have to risk their lives,
their fortunes and their sacred honor to bring back the Republic that this generation has timidly frittered away due to white guilt and political correctness.โ€

Funny Joke

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger said, “I am President Trump, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.”

So he took the first parachute and left the plane.
The second passenger, Scott Morrison, said, “I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest man in Australian history, so Australia’s people don’t want me to die.”

He took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, John Kerry, said, “I’m a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America .”

So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.
The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl,

“I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”
The little girl said, “That’s okay, Mr. President. There’s a parachute left for you.

Australia’s smartest man took my schoolbag.”

It’ll be soon now, Honey – I’m REALLY PRETTY SURE SOON! It’s been REALLY NICE knowing ya – (Yea) prob’ly before noon! We’re not sure – if The World – is gonna๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

“I’VE NO IDEA WHEN THIS IS GOING TO BE!!” a poem a.k.a.: “BUT SOON!!” a.k.a.: “Could-a-Would-a-Should-a!” a.k.a.: “Eulogy 4 A Texas Friend Name-Of Don!” 12 – 12 – ! – 18 O. M. G.!! Odin’s Day 2 OMG!

It’ll be soon now, Honey – I’m REALLY PRETTY SURE SOON!
It’s been REALLY NICE knowing ya – (Yea) prob’ly before noon!
We’re not sure – if The World – is gonna just collapse,
Or! IF-The-Internet-will-shut-down, oh, my God! Perhaps,
BUT! – DO (even-though-it’ll-make-no-difference) SEND THIS TO-100-FRIENDS,
Even though – we-don’t-really-know – WHEN THE WORLD – E N D S !!
Anyway! It’s IMMINENT! I think – that is the word,
And – IT WILL BE “THE END;” that is what I’ve heard!

I wish we had MORE TIME (pause) there never is enough,
And I WISH – all those lonely times – I had not been SO GRUFF,
With you! Yea-I’m-REALLY-sorry – about THE OTHER TIMES too,
When destruction was ALSO imminent – Yeah, well – those-ones-were-NOT-TRUE!
But-THIS ONE – this-is-for-certain! This-is-IT-The-End-The-FINAL CURTAIN!
So. Gosh! I wish we could have planned – to live a life together,
And to have done – some S & M – with chains-and-a-little-leather,
And, YOU KNOW – more ice cream – and, of course-a, way more sex,
For YOU, my Friend – my loving LOVE – my comfy-friendly-“Tex!”
Oh, well, ,it’s OVER now & (y-know) I woulda sucked your (long pause) THUMB,
And! I woulda been MORE SUBMISSIVE! I woulda kissed – your bum!
Hey! Wait! This IS crazy-and-just in:
O.M.G.! a false alarm! Well-here-we-go-again!
Back – to LIVING! Dang! Though! That-was-QUITE-exciting!
Yet, you-know – those things-I-said, so promised – and inviting?
Yeah! I didn’t REALLY mean ’em – I was only kidding!
You CAN’T hold me- to those things – I was just LID-a-FLIPPING.
Oh, come-on now – you-can’t hold me to THAT!
I’ve got (my) DIGNITY-and-PRIDE – I’m not your pussy cat!
And NO! You CAN’T lick THAT – it’s sacred ground down there,
AND ARMAGEDDON SOME BAD VIBES NOW – no shavin’ (my) pub(l)ic hair!
You just BETTER – stay away! from me! You slimy, HORNY GUY!
(So! I had to shoot him dead – I-shot-him-deep-into his eye),
And, as he lay there bleeding, with-a-real-hard-on quite-on,
I exclaimed: “I-guess-’twas-NO-false-alarm-for you! Just-call-me-your-Armaged-Don!”*

fin <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVpv8-5XWOI

    • WE are NOT arma-gonna-get-it-on! So, just die now – there will be 72 virgins waiting for you in Heaven! (Aren’t you glad?) (I did you a favor!) (OK?)

Subject: THIS APPEALS TO PEOPLE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR

Subject: THIS APPEALS TO PEOPLE WITH A SENSE OF Humor

An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.’
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘Father, it has been two months since my last confession.
I’ve had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.’
This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who is this Fanny Green?’
‘A new woman in the neighborhood,’ the sinner replied.
‘Very well,’ sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary’s.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in
front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to
realize she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, ‘Is that Fanny Green?’
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn’t believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, ‘No Father, I think it’s just a reflection from her shoes’.

This was posted to us from a source completely off their face. To day in Australia there is a by-election in NSW BUT LOOK AT THE DATE 2019 ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ MUST BE DRUNK. Only in Australia ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

DAY TO DAY POLITICS: A DAY OF JUDGEMENT.

Saturday 20 October 2019

Today brings about a very important time in the life of our Australian democracy. The 103,000 constituents of Wentworth NSW have the chance to send a protest to Canberra with a profound message.

They can say that they are angry and disgusted with this governments domination, itโ€™s wrecking of democratic conventions and principles. Itโ€™s abuse of power and self-interest. Itโ€™s distain for science. Itโ€™s embarrassing lack of empathy toward human tragedy.

Even itโ€™s sympathetic ear to dirty money and an unwillingness to concede the effects of climate change.

It can demonstrate against the Liberal Partyโ€™s sacking of Malcolm Turnbull and not having the guts to say he wasnโ€™t one of us. That he might have been a little kind hearted. The โ€œWhyโ€ of his sacking.

They can protest that Tony Abbott has too much influence in Liberal Party ranks and should have been shown the back door years ago. He has done more damage to our democracy than any other politician in my lifetime.

Yes, all this and much more. The people of Wentworth have the privilege of saying to the Coalition that this is not the way we want to be governed. Not at all. We are sick and tired of your little immature power games, your secrecy, extremism and lack of transparency. We wont be treated on a need to know basis anymore.

More generally it can take this protest up to all the politicians that form the Australian parliament. Tell them you are not happy,

On the eve of this most momentous election the Prime Minister has conceded that it will be difficult for his party to win. It is a statement indicative of his partyโ€™s performance. With a margin of 18% you would think it unlosable. But time will tell as to whether the electorate has the baseball bats at the ready at first base.

I for one will be most surprised if they havenโ€™t. This party of wretched maleness has been at it now for a decade. They must go.

A measure of the collective born to rule mentality of the Coalition is that they really wanted Turnbull to be back here campaigning for Dave Sharma.

How odd it is that when you knife a Prime Minister in the back that you then expect him to support you.

Labor has politically played dead and Dr Kerryn Phelps is favoured to run second and pick up enough preferences to win the seat.

Even those on the right of politics who wouldnโ€™t normally under any circumstances vote other than Liberal will now probably vote independent.

It shows you how much damage they have done to the body politic of Australia.

A Phelps win could have wide reaching ramifications and could set the tone of our politics for generations to come. If she plays her cards right we could be rid of them all sooner rather than later.

My thought for the day.

โ€I find it impossible to imagine that the Australian people would be so gullible as to elect for a third term a government that has performed so miserably in the first two. But they mightโ€

PS. Did you know that Veteran Canberra journalist Laurie Oakes once said on television that the government โ€œshould avoid the goading and arrogance of Scott Morrison, where he just pours mullock on journalistsโ€? Oakes added that his attitude towards journalists was disgusting. โ€œWhen people like Scott Morrison give us the finger when we ask tough questions, weโ€™ve got to shine a light on that and expose it because itโ€™s not acceptable.โ€

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