14 II. trying to suppress, those so-called evil emotions or conditions, that, basically, everyone & everything seems to abhor and wish to destroy. It’s the tiniest bit of hope at the bottom of Pandora’s Box, but IT IS HOPE . . . the thing is, is it “false hope,” i.e.: just myself – teasing myself . . . or, is any form of hope real or true(?) You just can not live to awaken; you must live to live . . . & again this brings things full circle . . . I AM manifest (it appears); thus, AM I not here to, as Alan Watts said, USE ENERGY JOYFULLY(?) . . . in other words, apply my “talents” . . . develop and grow, but wish no Ulterior Motive. “Find Your Joy:” . . . it’s a seemingly trite, simplistic phrase, but, if you can find some real joy & apply it truly; be that joy . . . that seems, really, to be the only truly spiritual mode of living, but I can’t do it to get better . . . ain’t my writing in this little house just writing to get better . . . or to get out or get Away . . . I think so . . . this position must drop, but (I) can not drop it & think THAT is but another strategy, another game. WHAT A COSMIC JOKE. Like the sayings go: do not the great, the realized sages . . . when they suddenly find themselves in a position to do anything, they know everything’s fine, and they don’t have to do anything. WHAT’S REALLY JOYFUL HAS JUST GOT TO BE SOMETHING THAT IS S U P E R EASY, doesn’t it(?) I don’t think I’ve ever found anything that’s super easy . . . I found some things that others say I’m good at . . . but none of them are super easy . . . Q(uestion): Can I look for something that’s super easy? . . . but isn’t that Doing again . . . so I guess, it’s just got to occur to you . . . or even more simply, just fall in your lap . . . Even the subtlest effort is doing!! Including this writing too, isn’t that true? Wow, this is frustrating . . . is it also useless?
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