1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as some adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposite?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
12. “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
14. What hair colour do they put on the driver’s licences of bald men?
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15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. No one ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.
19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
20. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one person enjoys it?
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Kindness
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Editor: Fat Cow, thank you for serving us your Funnies every day without failure rain hail or snow. Keep it up! The world needs humour right know.
You are the offspring of incredible creative forces and have received the gift of life!
With all respect to your religion or world-view – thank God, thank evolutionary processes – the keyword is “thank” – just have some gratitude and be thankful.
While the ingrates duke-it-out about the true God, you take each breath in holy gratitude.
The best way to be thankful for the gift of life is to not throw it away.
Please don’t waste away in front of a TV waiting to win a lottery during the precious few hours you are not imprisoned in corporate shackles.
Life is calling you.
The other life.
Analogue life.
The real.
Nature is calling you.
And people too.
Wondrous royal souls are waiting to meet, appreciate and experience you.
We are all royal heirs of the divine unknown.
Meeting another person is always a sacred event.
Life is a sacred event.
You are sacred.
You are a miracle of creation.
You are pure wonderment.
Look at the majesty of – you!
You are art in motion.
You are incomparable.
Your perfect life is matchless.
Your precious gift of life is unrivalled like each snowflake.
You are so fine and unique that it is impossible that there will ever be another like you.
You know those who friend you and then go to messenger ” I want to get to you better” or write what are you doing? I often write back I’m shaving a cats tail” .
Or ” you’re so pretty are you married?” Do those read?
Those are the days when God opens the gates of Heaven and lets out all the desperate fools.
Needless to say, my Facebook is nearly empty these days because I own a block button .
I laugh with glee to push them over the end of the world
What about those ” People Gathers” who accept friends trying to capture 5000 up expecting hostages who later spend days of deleting those invisible fools! .
Don’t be that sucker
Everyone is time-poor.
Spend your time respectfully sharing happiness and fun.
Comedy is acting out optimism.
There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad.
Computers are useless.
They can only give you answers.
A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.
Go on, get out.
Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good thing for the first time.
Comedy is acting out optimism. Share this with love and blessings shalom
‘I cannot bear the chance of something that I’ve done makes somebody else go and do something horrific.’
Here we go again dear friends
The Facebook Gang banned me again and this time, listen to this, in 2019 – April! I posted a picture of the Lord. * Against Community Standards.”
Oh my sincerity goes wrong again.
Not any more honey
Aren’t we in 2020 or have I been in a coma
More to come!
Being humble with my hat in hand I tried to repeal their decision
More to come!
Another notification ruling arrived
I’m not naughty. I wear knickers
Needless to say because I Appealed dear Facebooks decision I am banned from for a further 30 days
We all know that Facebook is a German Company their community Standards must be very different to Australian Standards. Possibly they don’t have religious freedom there yet
I sent an email to my friend Helga in Germany, tonight asking her the same question
Helga sent back a smiley meme
What did that mean
Anyway, to cut the story short. Helga also sent me an email with a nude woman naked, legs up in the air and I puked all over my desk. Indeed what a shock, never in my life have I been so horrified.
Helga typed that is Community Standards on Facebook in Germany ” better luck next time sweetie, do that and people give you money
I love Australia more than ever understand why we are the lucky country
I love Australia
In Australia, we all earn money by being hard-working honest and humble.
Thank the Lord, us Ladies keep our knickers on to be gainfully employed the easy way.