Diary of a Mad Man 🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴

58. You can only understand bet-ween-ness IF you’re in it. WHAT IS AWAKENING? to SIMPLIFY! (Shaktipat) The Stopping of Looking – – – being immersed in the truth of I AM THAT . . . The ONLY AWARENESS is God awareness – – – it is ALL that’s going on. this is NOT philosophizing – self-evident – laid out – CRUSHED TO DUST BY LOVE – realizing, truly, that GOD is LOVE. The World Truly becomes poignant . . . be prepared to live with a broken, vulnerable heart – – – everything gets in and everything is you. – – – EVERYTHING’S ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY = THAT IS AWAKENING & that is absolutely NOT awakening, because IT IS BEYOND DESCRIPTION. THOUGHTS ARE really significant, but ONLY if you give them significance. FEELINGS, on the other hand, are something else. – what? I do not know. Bi-polarity is BEING REALLY INTERESTED v. BEING REALLY NOT INTERESTED. Is polarity simply pointed awareness? Is not that being AWAKENED? Whatever is writing must not be aware or awakened!! it’s still asking questions! Interesting – Bart Marshall, self-proclaimed Awakened one, agrees with me, saying something like: the Absolute seems to be drawn to real JUICY (he calls them) Experiencing. My guess or belief was: Unmanifest Divinity gets into REALLY, REALLY INTERESTING stuff, good or bad, happy or sad, pleasant or terrible, It DOESN’T MATTER. Bart Marshall quote: The Heart of the matter is: this NOW moment contains ALL, but we do tell (stories?) & one of these stories is: X – – – for me, this X is part of my story: J D & Sheri Robin (my ex-wife) are apparently on the phone . . . dot, dot, dot . . . What (or who(m)) is THE GUIDE – ? Who or what is the Sat – Guru – is he / is she in or out? real or not real? Inner voice? Which Voice. A: Isn’t the sat-guru everything and anything You take it to be . . . or nothing but an urge? Sat-guru: Whatever keeps you on the path of (your) Heart (The topic of Bart Marshall’s Talk – YouTube TAT, less than an hour). {I think it is a wonderful video – but I DON’T recommend it – mainly, because I do not think I recommend anything anymore – except, maybe, “Follow your heart, whatever that means to you!”} The sat-guru, YOUR sat-guru is close to and/or allied with your feelings (perhaps all of them – perhaps even & maybe especially with your so-called negative ones) – maybe the sat-guru is not so much related to your thoughts, but somewhat maybe. Maybe this has to do with – Should I go with my heart or mind, with my feelings or thoughts,(?) Most of the so-called “spiritual” folks recommend (to) go predominantly with the heart, but maybe not always. Who knows? “The purpose of life IS this moment, whole & complete!” Bart Marshall. “THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS THIS: The conscious union with our source” Douglas Harding. I heard something neat: WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS; WE ARE BEING BEINGS. {or, I wonder, perhaps: Beings being!? Who knows!} https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TcztyNlFx0


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Diary of a mad man🕴🕴🕴🕴

(3) (page) 45 . . . and with glimmers of all these things, but not sensing the game is over, we continue in a false sense of hope that, we are human and will never just be eliminated . . . someone will “save” us . . . and we’ll just try to keep things going as best we can and it’s not to late and we’ll pull this (off – or – out-of-the-hat) – we always have – we’ll just make some adjustments – like using more solar power (which then requires more technology, being implemented with more metal and glass and plastic, continuing to rape the earth – which is just raping US more & more) and switching from mercury amalgam to BPA-intensive white fillings and growing more organic food ( which is only as organic as we can make it because of all the toxins in the air and water and soil – the “organic” food has to grow somewhere and to grow it we’ll have to use whatever air & water is available). It really is over . . . now . . . unless “someone” or something “saves” us. The only salvation for us is what “nature” does when “an organism” becomes too big for its britches – It eliminates it. i.e.: It kills itself and we are IT – we have met the enemy, and they is us. whether we ever realized it (and some have, but too late), we’re all in this together. We would all be in diapers soon, uttering unintelligible sounds, but . . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I&start_radio=1&list=RDV1bFr2SWP1I

The Contented Heart – page 44“By Golly, Some Day I’m Gonna Be Enlightened Too – Yay!”🕴🕴🕴🕴

  1. (2) The Rulers of the slaves are themselves slaves. Slavery encompasses everyone and every thing. The die is cast. Once the process began, it was inevitable, short of extinction. IF the “rulers” knew they were enslaving & have enslaved themselves, they would have stopped, but in their calculating insanity, they would & could not and, even, if they realized what they were doing, now they can’t stop. It’s like putting fillings in your mouth – You do it because you can & you’re trying to stop the decay. You realize afterward that, although the fillings were put in with noble intent, to your horror, they’re poisonous, now, short of ripping them out, they have become basically inherent in your body & the entire body is breaking down. The earth is losing its consciousness now too – It is becoming “insane,” losing the ability to care for itself, the processes it once did easily, without thinking are all breaking down. Like me, like us all, it can barely bathe itself any more. It is falling apart (toxins on the glaciers). Can’t give itself a clean drink of water (the fish are turning belly up). It is having panic attacks & emotional outbursts (earthquakes and volcanic eruptions) and we are all standing around watching, oblivious to the fact that, as humans, our past and present actions are doing it all [note: 07/12/18 You know, I’m full of shit! All this “propaganda” may well be technically or apparently true, but, remember, Gentle Reader(s), the exact opposite of what I am saying is also “true!” Apart from all this chaos, order and sensibility are also right there. AND – everything I have just said is rubbish, so ENJOY YOUR SLAVERY! ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM, for they are the same thing. And, try to remember, you are just fine – you are human, you are an apparent mess, an apparent, brilliant job of engineering, and nothing at all – so there! AND – IF you want to imagine something completely different, FEEL FREE!] 🙂 -Yea! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1EVjCKuJ9g

Diary of a MADMAN!! p. 43!!🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴

-BE HAPPY IN YOUR SLAVERY- (1)
The EARTH is APPARENTLY being poisoned – air, water, plants, animals . . . humans . . me. Everything toxic – Infection(s) & poison, spreading from my mouth, throughout my body. My mind – is going. A week or so ago, I forgot what year it is; a few days ago, I forgot what state Chicago is in. I’ll be in diapers shortly, uttering unintelligible sounds. Whether all this is happening by some power elite’s design or just from the stupidity of greedy, ignorant people, bent on supporting their own self-interests, matters none. Solar power, electric cars, GMO food, fluoridation, BPA in our food and fillings, more and more pharmaceutical drugs in us and our water. It’s a Brave New World; it was prophesized and here it is; genetic engineering of food & animals . . . and of humans. Everyone (is) just trying to continue with their silly business, glued to their televisions, their iPads and computers and, of course, their iPhones. Going to the store, for more toxic food, to the gas pumps and to the sporting arenas, the concerts, or movies or churches or cubicles: life is good, this slavery is good – we will expect a fine reward in the after-life, where we can expect to meet our celebrities, our doctors and dentists, our politicians, our gods, and, as I fade into oblivion, if Aunt Alice is still alive when I become unconscious, whether my body is still “alive,” or not, I will hear her speak her “mantra:” (too bad about our nephew Jay,) “IT WAS GOD’S WILL!”

DIARY OF A MAD MAN,Abuse,Anxiety,BROKEN SOUL,🕴🕴🕴🕴

  1. Processing anything even more impossible. Why? How? Help! Stop! Can’t – Shouldn’t / sooner or later ALL has to be faced) – Inevitable – Scream – Sad. Cry – DO SOMETHING!” The American MANTRA . . . When do YOU finally stop THIS? When results appear over time to be destructive or counter-productive? IF you don’t like the net result, isn’t it best to continue with the DO SOMETHING STRATEGY (seeking for change for change’s sake or to conform to expected norms?) How can you stop seeking? Isn’t STOPPING SEEKING still seeking . . . seeking to find out what will happen if you stop? Of course, I’ve been over this before, again & again. Processing, processing . . . EXCITE(ment) {does not equal} Real Happiness . . . Peace is real happiness. You’re suffering because you enjoy it! Can you be suffering & still, in the midst of it, be cheerful? CHEERFUL for/with your suffering. – That’s some great trick: the trick of the successful mystic (?!) SAM’s in church (out of habit?) habit? – maybe, BUT – is that bad? Church = BIG distraction for some; maybe very valuable for others. I guess anything can be truly valuable for an organism IF approached/experienced properly. It’s really a matter of GRACE that the experience turns out to be valuable (isn’t it!?) = GOOD LUCK. What’s good luck; what’s bad luck – WHO KNOWS?”! Doesn’t it balance in the end? Therefore, NOT to take something as GOOD or BAD, to just trreat it impartially is yet another recurring theme in this journal. GOOD or BAD – Not Good, not bad, daily meals, tooth pain, condition of body, of mind – How to have equanimity when SUFFERING CONDITION IS AT EXTREME, AGITATION without just trying to manipulate/suppress the situation – which DOES NOT WORK anymore. MOM – (outside) on (the) chair, on the back porch, sunglasses & coffee – So is this me – I’m looking at myself – role: “responsible” mother, in (her) 80’s, doing exercises . . . I [LOVE] HER – therefore, I despise myself – I THINK this is a very bad state of mind – BUT IS IT? I FEEL that way. Must be some reason . Why not just accept the feeling (not good, not bad) – just a feeling, to be accepted as a process, or part of a process. Of what value is ALL this? who knows! Maybe no value. Then what is the reason it is happening? Purely for experience? Is it a drama for angels watching? . . . or a sit-com? A learning video for What? NOW, Sam returns = The Unholy Trinity together again; well, that’s negative! Who knows, maybe this reunion is ( ) lucky or VALUABLE. Don’t know! What do I know!? That I seem to be stuck?! in this house OF SUFFERING . . . of my own device (?) – MAYBE. PROBABLY? {Le sigh!} https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO4UmbcBprw&start_radio=1&list=RDJO4UmbcBprw

DIARY OF A MAD MAN ☻☻☻

  1. BLACK MAGIC – anything seemingly mysterious or miraculous . . . A POEM ENTITLED: “Cause – Effect – Fate – Coincidence & Predestination!” When I sit, my nose runs. Does it run because I sit? // IF, whenever I sit, it starts to run, SURELY it is so!! BUT – in my fairy tale are MANY sprites, that dance with me // One sprite is the sprite of sitting; whenever he wills me to sit, I do, thinking, mistakenly, that I have commanded the action somehow // Immediately the sprite of running noses taps me and IT flows. // They are playing a game with me // Next season, the sprite of running noses will plot with the other sprite to reverse roles. when you meditate, it will become clear: You sit; you tap; you will; you run; you play the game – it’s lots of fun. Who is meditating me NOW?Well . . . would you believe: “Open, Sesame?!” * ❤

 

‘Tis a magical phrase, which opens a cavern . . . . in which forty sneaky, little b – – – – – – s have hidden a special treasure. A treasure! OK! Yup! 🙂 Maybe for Valentine’s Day! ❤

And sometimes there is a magical lamp too . . . . with a genie that comes out . . . and . . . yes . . . grants you wishes!**

** : Be careful what you wish for, Sports Fans . . . you might just get it! 🙂

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NEVER GIVE UP🤐

Diary of a Mad Man! 🕴

iscussing and considering this stuff can only do so much because the natural way of living is BEYOND ANALYSIS – it has to BE: i.e.: just naturally existent. It can’t be contrived, faked, attempted . . . it’s just got to be the truly natural “way of doing business.” It’s really communism, done without any unnatural-ness; human can not program it or “figure out” what to do to implement (it). IT CAN’T be implemented . . . only lived . . . only followed. IT IS INSTINCTS – which are intelligence . . . it is IMPULSE . . & in any moment that you’re analyzing it, it is totally beyond your ability to recognize or implement. That’s why mystical poetry or writing is, perhaps, the closest – thing to describing it: because it’s not really describing it; it’s trying to inspire your real intelligence to re-activate = surprising or shocking unnatural intelligence. Whew! No wonder the unnatural intelligence (UI) is just frustrated with what to do & THERE! it’s being called something that it doesn’t like to be called at all . . . it wants to be “the good guy” & it’s tried SO HARD, i.e.: the small s “self,” & [?] may then be (just) descriptions of natural / ? / intelligence, which includes OBJECTIVE AWARENESS (?) . .. so now another model emerges, another frustrating, producing model to continue processes of analysis, synthesis, judgment of an unnatural intelligence . . . UI, like AI, . . . the same, based on calculations, RI (real ? intelligence) is beyond calculation. Graceful, Natural – Doing the appropriate thing at the appropriate time – Can never be consistently accomplished without the appropriate means (??) [without an accepting perception, for WITH SUCH A PERCEPTION, everything is appropriate AND perfect, in a sense!!] AI can never be the way necessary (?), but is doomed to continue trying = insanity = believing appropriate things can be accomplished using inappropriate means. Unnatural – Awareness of self as a separate entity. (Children are not aware of this separateness . . . They must fall from grace, by exposure to the contagion of separate-ness.) Could the dinosaurs have gone extinct from becoming self-aware as a species? OK! Time to stop!! (Higher) EDUCATION : To Develop Unnatural Intelligence. TRAINING = To Develop Skills. The “bad” news – Things can NEVER get better than they are, so [stop] trying to make ’em better. The “good” news: You are always experiencing the best that can be provided! [read to S] One’s negative emotions ARE VALID BUT NOT NATURAL – perhaps, positive emotions are the same – valid, in that they are intuitive and . . .

Medical Disclaimer. Please use all information regarding “THE CONTENTED HEART,” a.k.a.: “Diary of a Madman,” anyway you wish! IF it is helpful to/for you, comforting or inspiring in anyway, THAT is our INTENTION. We are offering NO MEDICAL ADVICE, and we are NOT doctors, simply “fellow travelers,” also fragile humans, hoping for happiness for everyone, especially YOU! We make no representation and assume no responsibility for the accuracy of what is presented, although we feel we ARE our “brothers’ keepers,” we are all connected and the only sanity we perceive in life is to love and be loved. Shalom, Peace, Namaste & Love to Thee. 🙂

DIARY OF A MAD MAN? Page 36: DIARY OF A MADMAN?🕴🕴

(36) [What a bunch of bal. . Folks out there & the right ones in & implement the right “policies” because an unnatural species has no idea what’s right or better (period). The whole thing definitely appears “hopeless,” short of the proverbial RADICAL REVOLUTION IN HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS [which is someone’s silly dream, unattainable around “these-here parts,” and these here parts are the only parts in sight – SighT t] – i.e.: Any awakening/re-awakening of humanity’s innate or real intelligence . . . & can only be accomplished by “natural” means – require(ing) that you have humans with the necessary capacity acting in the appropriate manner – all this is beyond the understanding of unnatural society/humanity, which, in acting to progress, will, in the long run, make things worse & worse (in other words) . . More & more unnatural. Apparent, short-term “improvements” Maybe apparent, but actually, the ability to judge better cannot be a trait of unnatural existence, can it? ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE = RADICAL REVOLUTION IN HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS? You can’t even relax, thinking such activity will be truly of value . . . It’s ALL ABOUT LOVE! . . . Grace – ASSUME GRACE is working . . . but Grace is liable to kill you, IF your existence is interwoven with unnatural “civilisation!” REAL LOVE can appear very “Academic,” Cold, Calculator(ed) – because it is all about what is “APPROPRIATE” – WHICH CAN APPEAR AS any T H I N G , . . . in love any activity or condition can be acceptable IF it is appropriate. Another term for appropriate could be balanced or having equanimity – Proper understanding & use of terms is needed, BUT (this all) has less to do with the terms & more to do with the agreements of the essence of the terms which also MUST take into account “THE CHARGE” they (have) or how we INTERPRET them & how they make us F E E L – 🙂 – Whew!

Medical Disclaimer. Please use all information regarding “THE CONTENTED HEART,” a.k.a.: “Diary of a Madman,” anyway you wish! IF it is helpful to/for you, comforting or inspiring in anyway, THAT is our INTENTION. We are offering NO MEDICAL ADVICE, and we are NOT doctors, simply “fellow travelers,” also fragile humans, hoping for happiness for everyone, especially YOU! We make no representation and assume no responsibility for the accuracy of what is presented, although we feel we ARE our “brothers’ keepers,” we are all connected and the only sanity we perceive in life is to love and be loved. Shalom, Peace, Namaste & Love to Thee. 🙂

EDITOR: UPDATE. THESE JORNAL PAGES HAVE ATTRACTED MANY EMAILS FROM READERS. WE ARE GOING TO SHOW (WITH PERMISSION) A SHORT COMMENT RECEIVED:

Yum Yum. ( username) Under it all I feel your humour, what a pack of magicians fucking up the world. Complex unnecessary. Even that so-called superficial mystic female wasted her life, just another foolish human. How many folk in this world believe it is all about them. Manipulation is the real devil’s playground. Self-serving pleasure. Here a good-looking, intelligent person is manipulated. Yes, I have learnt another evil messing with a complex brain. Damage, abused, extortion my God! life is so straightforward, to breathe oxygen, love sincerely, no more no less.
You know all that now! The choice you own. The Freedom you hold.
Manipulating for People Pleasures for their gain whether financial, greed for personal reward.
These words I write are with compassion, kindness and humanity.
You have survived trial after trial yet you never gave in.
Don’t look back you will never go that way again. It’s over!

Unknown Authour.

MAD MAN’S DIARY”The Contented Heart!” p. 35 (with a little of p. 36 tossed in as an appetizer!)🕴🕴🕴🕴🕴

HIS PAGE, page 35, is A BLIP, returning for a moment to Bernadette’s** Article:

(Whether Jesus lived or not is another Question (&) Isn’t it irrelevant?*)

(35) Logos: Sole-y God . . . i.e.: un-manifest divinity Jesus: distinct, human person Christ: The eternal one-ness of God and MAN: God’s own human nature.

Bernadette believes Jesus WAS historical. I, me, don’t know & I don’t think I really care after (what I have been through) the last 3 -4 years. I would just LIKE to BELIEVE (that) my APPARENT existence has any value at all – I believe I would believe that IF I could, even apparently, be on some “PATH” from some state to the “Unitive” State to a no-self state. Sometimes, I imagine I am on a path; other times, the idea – the idea is TOTALLY (with a capital “T”) LUDICROUS – TOTALLY LUDICROUS.

* – Isn’t it as irrelevant as the question or koan: IS ALL THE STUFF OUT HERE REAL?

. . . (for those of you who would like to know the finish to what was left at the end of page 34, it goes like this, I think! . . . [MASS REVOLUTION (is) inevitable & (it will) NOT (be) ANY revolution based on (the) superficial; just get the wrong . . . {here it comes} folks out there & the right ones in & implement the right “policies” because an unnatural species HAS no idea what’s right or better (period).]

(Note: I really AM being facetious here, Dear Ones – there IS no hope for the betterment of human kind . . . that IS “THE period” . . . NO HOPE! This place, AND ALL CONDITIONAL REALMS – and there are no other types of apparently existent realms – are hopeless BECAUSE – conditionality, dual or whatever, can ONLY be designed to be conflicting, so the best you can hope for is: JUST TRYING TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN! and . . . THERE IS NO SUCH THING (as The Best You Can), since all you can do is what you can do, apparently! At this point, we hear Santa Claus in the background, with his traditional bowl of jelly belly laugh: “HO, HO, HO!” 🙂 ) . . . but don’t give up HOPE! There is ALWAYS a kiss and a cuddle . . oo-oo–oo! ❤

** – Bernadette Roberts, deceased Christian mystic and author.

Medical Disclaimer. Please use all information regarding “THE CONTENTED HEART,” a.k.a.: “Diary of a Madman,” anyway you wish! IF it is helpful to/for you, comforting or inspiring in anyway, THAT is our INTENTION. We are offering NO MEDICAL ADVICE, and we are NOT doctors, simply “fellow travelers,” also fragile humans, hoping for happiness for everyone, especially YOU! We make no representation and assume no responsibility for the accuracy of what is presented, although we feel we ARE our “brothers’ keepers,” we are all connected and the only sanity we perceive in life is to love and be loved. Shalom, Peace, Namaste & Love to Thee. 🙂

Medical Disclaimer. Please use all information regarding “THE CONTENTED HEART,” a.k.a.: “Diary of a Madman,” anyway you wish! IF it is helpful to/for you, comforting or inspiring in anyway, THAT is our INTENTION. We are offering NO MEDICAL ADVICE, and we are NOT doctors, simply “fellow travelers,” also fragile humans, hoping for happiness for everyone, especially YOU! We make no representation and assume no responsibility for the accuracy of what is presented, although we feel we ARE our “brothers’ keepers,” we are all connected and the only sanity we perceive in life is to love and be loved. Shalom, Peace, Namaste & Love to Thee. 🙂