I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people.
Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate.
Studies suggest that the brain in this phase is much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the same area lights up when an addict gets a fix of cocaine as when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction. Also in the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection–you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be–rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.
Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy–it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces.
It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.”
Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love.
However, real love, not based on idealisation or projection, requires time to get to know each other.
Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.
SIGNS OF LUST
You’re focused on a person’s looks and body.
You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings. You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning. You are lovers, but not friends.
SIGNS OF LOVE
You want to spend quality time together other than sex. You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing. You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy. He or she motivates you to be a better person. You want to get to meet his or her family and friends. Another challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centred and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware, so you don’t go looking for trouble.
FOUR NEGATIVE GUT FEELINGS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS (from Guide to Intuitive Healing)
1. A little voice in your gut says “danger” or “beware.”
2. You have a sense of malaise, discomfort, or feeling drained after you’re together.
3. Your attraction feels destructive or dark.
4. You’re uncomfortable with how this person is treating you, but you’re afraid that if you mention it, you’ll push him or her away.
Over the years, I’ve spoken at women’s prisons and domestic violence centres. My talk, “How Listening to Your Gut Can Prevent Domestic Violence,” focuses on showing women how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence. Many women who’d been in abusive relationships admitted, “My gut initially told me something was wrong–but I ignored it.” The pattern was consistent. They’d say, “I’d meet a man. At first, he’d be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet. The electricity between us was amazing. I’d write off the voice in my gut that said ‘you better watch out’ as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked.” Some gut instincts though, are anything but subtle. On a first date, one woman landed in the hospital with an IV, retching from”psychosomatic” abdominal pain. But did that stop her from seeing the guy? No. From these women, we gain a real-world lesson: no matter how irresistibly attractive someone appears, close attention to your gut will enable you to see beneath exteriors.
It’s so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you’re not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, “This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy.” To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve wisely.
This series of Psychology Of Sex sets out the difference of Love, Sex, Sin, versus Porn.
How on earth do two people in love have a successful union for life when growing up without understanding a lifetime commitment to each other without the primary information
Lust is one of the seven deadly sins or capital sins, whichever you prefer. But I don’t think too many of us in secular or religious spaces really pay attention to lust. We talk about sex, and we talk about sexual attraction; we talk about desire, and we talk about constraint. But we do not talk about lust even when we have entire industries built around this human weakness; we ignore that there are deep individual struggles that many faces that are a matter of not biological or psychological weakness but rather a spiritual one – lust. But what is lust? Before defining it, it is worth it to know what it isn’t. Lust isn’t sexuality or the acceptance of humans as sexual beings. And lust isn’t the sexual attraction we experience when we desire someone. There is a certain stance among particular (religious) groups that the acceptance of sexuality in humans or the willingness to embrace that sexuality is somehow an offense against God and people. I differ as someone who tries to love both God and people, in all my weakness. Even the lay definition of lust describes it as a “very strong sexual desire” or the like. I disagree on the basis that desire, even strong desire is not naturally bad. Lust is an overwhelming desire for a human being such that the human is transformed from a subject to an object that is solely meant to give one pleasure. We all lust. And that is the tragic truth. So much of our sexual desires – which are in and of themselves not bad – get transformed into an unhealthy craving for another’s individual body. So much so that sometimes we begin to see that human being as only their body. And not only do we begin to see the person as only their body, we see that body as something that is meant to satisfy our desire. Even when we may care for the person, our desire takes precedence over their being. But perhaps most dangerously in our lust for other people, we fail to see them as beings without a soul, a heart, a mind. We fail to see them for all they are. Of the many issues I have with the porn industry as a whole which is so casual in its treatment of people as subjects, in the gaze and in the state in which many people view porn, they fail to see the person as a person. The viewer watches for the purpose of personal satisfaction and in so doing the person becomes the object by which they get their personal satisfaction. What that person is outside of that, whether that person feels and what they feel outside of that instance, ceases to matter. Indeed, I have lots of theories about how porn affects sexuality including one that proposes it actually diminishes sex between people in real life. Still, the one that makes me saddest is the negation of the entire humanity of the persons being gazed at. Of course the way the individual lusts and seeks pleasure when viewing something exterior is very different from a real, live human being in front of them. Or perhaps not in front of them but a person that exists in their world, and oftentimes in their imagination. They may or may not interact with the person; they may even be in a relationship with the person – romantic or otherwise. And they may even seek to love them; they may even actually love them. But lust is not love, which is of course stating the obvious. But it is an obvious truth that needs to be stated. The difference between love and lust is what counts so much in expressing authentic sexuality and emotions between persons. Lust seeks the pleasure of self, while love puts the pleasure of the other ahead of one’s self. Lust views the human at the moment as an object; in love, the human is always a subject and is always more than what they are At that moment. Lust ultimately is selfish, while love is selfless. There is no fine line between the two, but rather a bold one. And the soul, the heart, and the mind always know the difference. When we lust after someone we simply cannot love them the way we often want to; the way they deserve to be loved. And it is already hard enough to love human beings in our human weakness. Lust, I believe, like most deadly sins, also chips away at our own humanity. How can it not? The ways in which we view others become the measurements we use for ourselves – we can and do objectify ourselves. I propose then that we be more mindful of lust; that we keep ourselves more aware of making that leap from desire, from sexual attraction, to this deadly thing we call lust – this thing that reduces our humanness. At any and all times, but most especially when it is love that we are ultimately trying to cultivate.
Congratulations my Dear Freind for surviving those dark times of terror. The strength you found in the depth of anguish😔 isolation were harrowing. A journey faced by many poor Broken Souls that are unable to survive the darkest only seen in the depths beyond grief never to be back. This story uniquely defies the odds with deep outstanding of self. So proud to be a part of this journey back to the living a joyest life with loved ones. On and upwards we run hand in hand to the highest Peace 🕊🕊
Go in the direction of your greatest happiness. (This is referencing the EFT Tapping procedure I was experimenting with at the time!) (1) AIM AT THE TRANCE; (2) TAP IT OUT TO WHERE THE MEMORY (ROOT) CHANGES. (This is a basic suggested sequence!) YOU ARE – THEY ARE . . . YOU LOVE ______ . . . YOU’RE JUST LIKE ______ . . . THEY’RE HERE NOW . . . GIVE WORST SCENARIO . . . PLAY “IT” OUT . . . SAY WHAT HAD BEEN SAID TO THEM . . . SAY/FEEL THE WORST . . . SAY WHAT THEY THINK THE WORLD’S SAYING ABOUT THEM (HOW DO YOU KNOW?) (CAN YOU MAKE IT COME BACK?) IF YOU STILL HAVE EMOTIONS, KEEP TAPPIN’ UNTIL YOU HAVE PEACE
How to stay calm in tense situations A lot of people seem like they have a good personality until you see them in an emergency or tense situation. Then they lose their cool. Don’t be this person! If you are in a tense situation, try to remain relaxed and see what you can do to resolve the situation.
For example, lets say your car breaks down on the highway, and you’re going to be late to work. Don’t start yelling and screaming – that’s not going to fix anything. Keep your mind clear and start developing a plan to solve the problem.