Tag Archives: Australian Politics

Letter to my boss; ~ Australian Politics

Letter to my boss;

I have enjoyed working here these past several years. You have paid me very well and given me benefits beyond belief. I have 3-4 months off per year and a pension plan that will pay my salary till the day I die. And then the plan will pay my estate a one year salary death bonus. Further, it then continues to pay my spouse my salary, with increases until she or he dies, along with a health plan that most people can only dream of having. Despite this, I intend taking the next 12-18 months to find a new position. During this time I will show up for work when it is convenient for me. In addition, I fully expect to draw my full salary and all the other perks associated with my current job. Oh yes, if my search for this new job proves fruitless, I will be coming back with no loss in pay or status. Before you say anything, remember that you have no choice in this matter. I can, and I will do this.

Sincerely,

Every Member of Parliament running for re-election.

Letter to my boss;

God bless you Taxpayers of Australia ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

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Liberal GOVERNMENT AUSTRALIA ๐Ÿ˜ป

“WHAT MOTHER’S DAY MEANS TO LIBERALS.”๐Ÿ˜ป

MY FELLOW LIBERALS – Welcome to the launch of the 2019 Liberal Party election campaign. It’s a grand thing to see so many enthusiastic Liberal women here today, even if many of you seem to be impersonating empty seats. We have not chosen this auspicious date by accident. Let me explain why we’re fair dinkum about this important issue.

Liberals believe in motherhood. We believe being a mother is the one job a woman can do without supervision. Being impregnated by a white Liberal male is the highest aspiration any decent woman can have. We believe every Australian woman should have the right to become a mother. If you’re a white Christian woman whose heart’s in the right place, and as long as you don’t show too much ambition, and if you want to send your children to private school, the Liberal Party will support you all the way.

In this great party we have a saying: “Women are all right to have on tap, but not on top”. A look at the careers of Julie Bishop or Julia Banks will illustrate my point. We owe a great deal to mothers, all of whom were women. Just ask Gina Rinehart.

There’s always room for women at the highest levels of the Liberal Party. We need women to take on the tough jobs where feminine intuition and charm have a part to play. Ann Sudmalis, who regretfully is leaving our ranks, has been one of the great nodders in modern Parliamentary history, and she will be a hard act to follow. Melissa Price is a vital part of our policy platform, though for some reason journalists keep asking her difficult questions, which is why we’ve tried so hard to keep her away from the media in recent months.

Liberals know that behind every successful man there stands a woman, often his mother, or someone else’s. Peta Credlin & Vikki Campion have done sterling work to keep their conservative men toiling away at the grindstone, and we thank them for it on this historic date.

The Indue Card shows the depth of Liberal conviction when it comes to the sacred task of motherhood. This great innovation allows the women of Australia to focus on budgeting responsibly, and stops them having to worry their pretty little heads about trivial issues like freedom of personal choice.

By removing the wasteful carbon tax the Liberal Party has instantly created a resources boom, which means more jobs for men and the freedom to bear and raise children for countless young women. The money families save on power bills can be spent on new ironing boards and other helpful products to help Australian women keep their kitchens clean.

Under a Liberal Government, Australian women have never had it so good. The country needs women doing what women do best. Women make great secretaries, social workers, primary teachers, nurses, receptionists, and child-minders.

In the modern Liberal Party, girls, remember there’ll always be a place for you. It may not be the place you ‘d choose for yourself, but after all, if God had wanted women to run things, He would have made them first, wouldn’t He?

In closing, let me urge Liberal women to show their strongest stuff during this crucial week before the election. Remember, ladies, as long as you don’t forget your place is in the bedroom, not the boardroom, the party of Menzies & Fraser will always welcome you.

Now then: whose turn is it to put the kettle on?

Letter to A Politician ๐Ÿ˜ญ Australian Politicians ๐Ÿ˜

The Honourable Scott Morrison MP
Prime Minister’s (temporary) Office
Parliament House Canberra A.C.T.

Dear Scottie,

Forgive us if we haven’t taken you seriously enough during your brief tenure. It seems like only yesterday you took over the nation’s highest office with true Christian humility – the culmination of weeks of public modesty and private backstabbing. Now it’s only a matter of days before you’ll be looking for another job.

Where will you go, Scottie? The lads at the RSL are running a book. A little inside drum would not go astray. Will you hang around as (temporary) Leader of the Opposition or return to a plum sinecure in the corpulent sector? A year from now will we be seeing you flogging shonky cutlery sets on the Shopping Channel at three in the morning, or will your career take on new directions, like peddling pancakes outside a pox-doctor’s clinic?

Clearly, you’d be well advised to avoid anything to do with computers. You’ve had us all in stitches this week with your response to the burgeoning problem with would-be pollies and their social media histories. (I know,I know, the other parties have unearthed a few duds too, but right now yours is the problem under consideration.) A reasonable reaction, it seems to me, would have been to bring in new party rules guaranteeing closer scrutiny of candidates’ FB & Twitter profiles BEFORE they could be accepted in pre-selection ballots. But no, that would have been too simple & logical, wouldn’t it? You had to pull the rabbit out of your arse and threaten social media trolls with the sort of prison time generally reserved for archbishops, didn’t you?

What WERE your advisers thinking? Were they thinking at all? Do you not realise than 90% of trolls lurk on the far right of the spectrum? They believe in chemtrails & the takeover of Sharia law & think fluoride is an Illuminati plot. They believe Pauline speaks from the heart, dismiss Bill Shorten as a looser, deploy ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ indiscriminately, eat their takeaway food in dinning rooms, are convinced Penny Wong is a Communist agent and think Hitler’s still alive in Argentina. Most internet trolls, in short, come from the ranks of your supporters. If they weren’t confused enough before, they sure are now.

Thanks for the memories, old chum. May your future be full of Engadine moments and resounding slogans. If a Pentecostalist falls over paralytic drunk in a forest and there’s nobody there to see, will he still be able to write a character reference for a known pedophile?

Enjoy your retirement Scottie. Life won’t be the same without you. We should have paid more careful attention, though it was at times hard to focus, what with all the shouting and the meaningless slogans. The less charitable among us dismissed you as a mere skidmark on the Reg Grundies of Australian political history.

In the end, you weren’t even that significant.

Yours in premature triumph,

Godfrey Bigot JP
West Bathurst 2795

Dear Godfrey, I know that your spelling was deliberately aimed at the illiterate trolls at the Liberal party head quarters but some of our new readers might mistake you for a looser. I am here to say that you are one of the most erudite, eloquent, educated, elite, elegant, enlightened, members of our exclusive RSL club and you were just taking the piss. Yours sincerely Beryl Sidebottom

Australian Politics ๐Ÿค”

“Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough, it will be true.”

— Arnold Bennett (British novelist 1867-1931)

EVERY FEW years, Australian TV networks collect a multi-million-dollar windfall in advertising revenue. Political advertising generates rivers of cash which keep many marginal operators afloat. From the network viewpoint it doesn’t matter who wins the election, or whether the most outrageous lies are told, as long as the money rolls in. Our electoral laws do not expressly forbid lying in political advertising, and if anyone can be bothered taking the time & trouble to rebut some of the claims made, the correction is never as prominently featured as the original lie.

To recap: We have allowed an electoral system to evolve which favours whoever spends the most on TV advertising. These are politicians we’re talking about, a breed trusted by very few Australians, a breed known to lie without even pausing for breath, and television itself is a medium designed to entertain rather than educate. The money to fund these blatantly false ads comes from party slush-funds built up by donations (many of them invisible to public scrutiny) from vested interests. It’s thus not just a system which may encourage corruption, but a system which makes corruption inevitable. It’s hard to imagine a lousier system, unless it be the US model, which is worse because of scale rather than its mere rottenness.

Most evenings recently have seen viewers blitzed by the bloated visage of one Clive Palmer, noted bankrupt & fraudster, who doesn’t really have a party organisation behind him, who missed half the sitting days last time he was in the Senate & slept through most proceedings whenever he could be bothered turning up. This is a man who leaves workers unpaid & vast ponds of chemical pollution for the State to clean up, yet somehow he can afford large sums ($30 mill, $50 mill, or something in between) to pay for his campaign ads. He has no policies of his own, preferring to stress what he sees as being wrong with the other parties, and if he’s caught in an obvious porkie, as he was by claiming Liberal tax cuts would not come into force until 2024, he seems unfazed, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Norway banned paid political advertising on radio & TV back in 2005 & their electoral system seems a lot closer to democracy than ours. Nothing will change, of course, because the men who profit by the present arrangement are unlikely to voluntarily surrender the advantages it gives to them & their cronies.

Einstein noted that the opposite of genius was what happened when we perform the same experiment in the same way an endless number of times & keep expecting a different result. We’ve had television advertising & mock-debates as part of our election landscape for four decades now, & the state of democracy has never been unhealthier. If anything, it gets worse every three years.

There’s nothing wrong with television being part of the political process; there’s nothing right about TV dominating our political life in the way it now does. The more money political parties spend on advertising, the greater the chance they’ll be telling fibs.

Australian Political Satire ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ

IMBECILE, a. & n., mentally weak, stupid; person of weak intellect, esp. adult with intelligence equal to that of average child about 5.

We generally apply the term ‘imbecile’ to One Nation candidates & other conservative politicians known to eat their own earwax or move their lips when they read. The modern usage suggests nothing but feeble-mindedness. Yet the word originally referred to physical rather than mental issues. It comes from the prefix ‘in’ + the noun ‘baculum’, meaning stick or rod. Physically handicapped people often need a crutch to move around, and managed to get through life literally on a stick.

The meaning shifted around the 17th century, presumably because in modern political life there are far more mental cripples than physical ones. Scarcely an hour passes without needing to call someone an imbecile. This is especially true during the lead-up to an election, when many of us find ourselves using it because screaming out ‘fucking idiot’ tends to frighten the kiddies.

‘Bacillus’ comes from the same root as ‘bacillus’, because many bacteria seen under a microscope are rod-shaped

Ross Macdonald is the ON candidate for Leichhardt.
Have a look at his photos in his FB page (adults only please)
.facebook.com/Rosscoshines/photos
The Nationals put him above the ALP and the Greens.

Ross Macdonald is the ON candidate for Leichhardt.
Have a look at his photos in his FB page (adults only please)
.facebook.com/Rosscoshines/photos
The Nationals put him above the ALP and the Greens.

How many will fall this Australian Elections , oh my goodness gracious so many have been very surprised that this Sex Romp men falling like sex starved hypocrites.

Funny that preaching RELIGION Community Standards ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—

This is already viral on the internet Facebook ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ถ

Watch “One Nation seeks millions in funding from NRA | Nine News Australia” on YouTube

EDITOR’S COMMENTS

We do not condoned Pauline Hanson One Nation. Hate SPEACH

Aphorism ~ Word of the day ~ Editor ๐Ÿ˜

Aphorism

is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner .

โ™ฆ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last
year. Not to cause any trouble….but shouldn’t that be an even number?

โ™ฆ I find it ironic that the colours red, white and
blue stand for freedom, until they are flashing behind you.

โ™ฆ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their
body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

โ™ฆ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you
ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

โ™ฆ America is a country which produces citizens who
will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote.

โ™ฆ You know that tingly little feeling you get when
you love someone? That’s common sense leaving your body

โ™ฆ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with
vengeance. We’ll see about that!

โ™ฆ I think my neighbour is stalking me as she’s been
Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

โ™ฆ Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.

โ™ฆ You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

โ™ฆ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive,
try missing a couple of payments.

โ™ฆ I always wondered what the job application is
like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

โ™ฆ The location of your mailbox shows you how far
away from your house you can go in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

Now,

donโ€™t you feel better knowing what an aphorism is?


EDITOR’S COMMENTS:

Only in Australia Pauline Hanson a supposed Politician did Vote this idot into Parliament. She used cook fish and chips in a shop. You don’t have any knowledge in Australia to build a Fence like Donald Trump here. She thinks ABORIGINAL folk were cannibals. That’s why we have illegal immigrants here, wouldn’t you come in a boat to meet Pauline ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

The only different between Donald, he built a Fence to keep them out but the Government ( cheap skates)

Fish the immigrats out with fishing rods or push them under

Did you know that !

Donald Trump really is very kind ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜…

Only in AUSTRALIAN Politics ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ˜…

Michael McCormack MP
Deputy Prime Minister
Parliament House, Canberra

Dear Michael,

Thanks so much for standing up for the interests of country folk yet again. If these over-educated city slickers have their way, we’ll all be living in the dark & eating raw kale. How dare they impose solar & wind power on us? Taking away our night-time footy & one-day cricket is bad enough. Anyone who’s ever had to get up at three AM to milk the sheep knows the sun never shines then, and if you use all the breeze to push turbines around, there won’t be enough wind left to pump water up from the creek. It’s gone on beyond all reason!

These urban smarties with their fancy degrees should do a decent day’s work for a change. The lads at the RSL would like to see you take your campaign a bit further. Traditional country values are a thing of the past, it seems. Scientists are all very well to have on tap, as we like to say out here, but NEVER on top. Gough the anti-Christ started it all, letting all sorts of riff-raff including women go to uni, and it’s all been downhill since then.

First they tell us we have to wear seat-belts & can’t have more than three middies before driving. Do you have any idea how many panel-beaters & morticians this measure did out of a job? Next they make us put fluoride in our water,& the next thing you know all our teenagers are turning queer & listening to rap. They won’t let us grow rapeseed any more, in case it upsets the feminists, so we have to call it canola, which half the blokes I know can’t spell. Our buxom young country lasses don’t want to wear aprons & learn how to make a decent scone any more – oh no, they have to go to uni where they can learn how to smoke dope & rabbit on forever about empowerment & equality & glass bloody ceilings.

Good on you Michael! Keep up the sterling work. It must be hard to keep your eye on the ball sometimes, what with Barnaby drooling & muttering in the background, hanging over your head like the Pork Sword of Damocles. But you stick to your guns, laddie! Someone has to restore traditional Australian values to this blighted nation, things like selling our best farmland & rivers to traditional allies like the Chinese. If only these commo greenies would get out of the way!

We’re all looking forward to your next brilliant analysis. With the help of thinkers such as yourself, Australia should do very well as we power through the 20th century.

Yours sincerely,

Godfrey Bigot JP
West Bathurst NSW 2795

Australian Politics ( Labour) ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

Bill Shorten is my Shepherd, I shall not want:

He will leadeth me beside still factories and abandoned farms.

He will restoreth my faith about the Liberal Party,

He will annointeth my wages with taxes and inflation,

So my expenses runneth over my income.

Surely poverty and hard living shall follow if Labor win

Five thousand years ago Moses said:

“Pack your Camels pick up your shovels, move your arses,

and I will lead you to the Promised Land.”

Five thousand years later Bill said:

“Lay down your shovels, sit on your arses, light up a joint. This is the Promised Land”.

Next election Bill could take your shovel, sell your camel,

kick your arse and tell you he gave away the Promise Land.

I’m glad I’m Australian, I’m glad I’m free.

But I wish I were a dog and Bill was a tree.