“IF ONLY I HAD BEEN BORN – DIFFERENTLY?!?!” a poem a.k.a.: “You KNOW I Really, Really Would Miss Girls If They Weren’t Around – AND – I Would Miss Guys Too – Can’t Live With ‘Em; Can’t Live Without “Em!!” Tues. – Oct. 16, 2018
IF only I could-a-been – BORN – a WOMAN! Then-maybe-I’d-be-OK!!
But NO!!!! The Lord of Hosts didn’t “bless me,” so, for my “maleness” in life,
I’m so guilty! disgusted! IF ONLY – a sex change operation I could afford,
BUT! I’m-a (dare I say it) “poor” GUY! one-of-the-vile-unwashed horde!
Women! are-so-wise and-so-kind and-know -what-to-do-and-say;
Oh, Ye women of The World! You must be so happy and gay,
To have been – born – The correct and proper gender,
God must be OVERJOYED – when She makes a girl & says: “Let’s send-her!
Let’s send out another of our perfect, human gals,
Compared to (yuck) GUYS! Girls are such stable, good pals:
THEY LOVE ANIMALS* – to read and write –
And they are so decent and peaceful – and-don’t-put-up-a-fight,**
LIKE HORMONE RAVAGED BUCKS & RAMS,
Those “necessary”(?) evils – who eat turkeys and hams!!
Why are men even necessary? Well, I guess they’re suitable for (occasional) BREEDING,
But -they’re so obnoxious – and hard-headed (and secretive) – and often – misleading –
Yet! They’re good – I mean, sort-of (I guess)
Left – by perfect women, once they have clawed one another to tears,
And have cursed their “unsightly” bodies – and-are quivering with fears,
Of what will come next? And – How can we guarantee, comfort & clean air,
And what to do w/ horny men,***uncontrollable emotions &-days-of-bad-hair!
IF ONLY I COULD-A BEEN A WOMAN-with THOSE EXCELLENT TRAITS,
But, SORRY! I-gotta-leave! ‘cause dinner-might-get-cold-and-I-gotta-try-to-get-me-some-weekend-dates,
With – a disgusting man – any-disgusting-man-my-inspection-will-”pass,”
‘Cause no woman’ll have me; I’m (just) a whimpering – jack-ass! 🙂 – hee-haw!
fin <3 [Remember: This is ALL about MY inner demons, my anima and my animals and my perverted perspective (can you say that five times, really fast?) on life, and all sorts of stuff – that makes me The Quaking Ma(e)ss of Manhood I Have Pitifully Become! 🙂 -burp!]
* – except spiders and snakes and mice and worms and mean animals and fleas and flies and ants in your pants and – some others
** – until menopause strikes – or that monthly things that we can’t talk about – or
*** – when women simply AREN’T!!