Category Archives: DARKNESS

Broken soul 💥

Its hard to fly when something is weighing you down.

Sadly a lot of people carry their pasts around with them like a rock tied to their ankles, how can you ever expect to spread your wings and fly with that weight holding you down ?

As much as the past maintains a hold on all survivors of any form of trauma, it is important to also take hold of our future. Although changed in many ways by what we have experienced, we are still alive. I remember telling my own children that there was no point in putting their abuser inside a cell if they were also going to build one around themselves.

It’s frightening and challenging and often difficult to take control of our lives, especially for those who have lived under the control of someone else for a period of time. Yet it is possible and it is worthwhile. It may take time, but time will pass anyway, we may as well be using it constructively rather than allowing our abusers to win by continuing to destroy ourselves long after they are gone from our lives.

For some people, just stepping outside of that fear and uncertainty is harder than it is for others, but no one said it had to be a giant leap, tiny little baby steps are fine as long as you are taking them.

Think about all you have survived, use that to empower and encourage you. If you have survived all of that, you can achieve anything you set your mind to. If you have survived all of that, make it a life worth living, allow it to strengthen and soften you at the same time. Softening in terms of being more understanding of others, feeling empathy for the plight of those around you, and strengthening in terms of feeling proud that you have overcome so much, building your own resilience and tool box of methods of coping with life going forward.

You are the only person living your life, you are the one who can truly take control and make the decisions that will set you free and make you happy. Write down affirmations, stick them in places where you will see them, listen to inspirational podcasts, read blogs by other survivors, learn to love and appreciate all that you are and all that you can be. Set yourself free (GE)
#FACAA #ProudFACAA #SurvivorsSunday #Survivors #SurvivorsOfChildAbuse #Stength #Resilience #Love #SelfLove #Warriors #NeverGonnaStop #GuardiansOfTheInnocent #VoiceForTheVoiceless #HopeForTheHopeless #ChildrensChampions #EndingChildAbuse #RaisingAwareness #ChangingLives #HealingSurvivors #ChangingLaws #Legal #Law #LegalReform #JuliasJustice #PhoenixProgram #WeWillFight #StandUp #FromHellWeRise #LetGo #LetGoOfThePast #DontLetThePastWeighYouDown




a poem

a.k.a.: “The Day Krazy K’s Mom Threw Caution To The Wind!!”

July 8, 2018 (SUN-day)

With Kaleena “Krazy K” Ramos’ “passing” still fresh in our hearts and minds, with the funeral scheduled for today (Sunday, July 8, 2018) at The Catholic Church at 3:00 P. M., emotions run high in Alpine! Due, perhaps, to these emotions, brawls and vandalism have put local law enforcement on “HIGH ALERT!”

Yesterday (Saturday) at the local funeral parlor, Kaleena’s mother presented and recited the framed poem “Kaleena’s Style,” (in this site below) to a near-packed audience at the open-casket ceremony. Before reading the poem, her mother announced that she was going to be more like her daughter, taking more risks in life from here-on-out and living with a passion few achieve and society may well NOT tolerate. However, in view of these sentiments, we present this RESPONSE to that heart-felt declaration of Krazy K’s mom:

SOME PEOPLE LIKE SUICIDE, and they’ll never yield;

Some-really-like-warfare – with danger on the field,

To dodge the bullets and avoid every mine;

Somehow those-positions (to-some) feel fine!


Or, maybe, driving too fast (pause) through the aeroport!

DEATH WISHES! (pause) Maybe we can DIE during sex!

OR – disregard The Guilds – and get cursed with a hex!

Aren’t we chattering bones? Laughing-nervously; filled-with-woe!

We’re dancing to our death, on a smoking volcano.

Maybe Evel Knievel – said it best:

“I need adrenalin, more than the rest;

I wanna-risk-it-all, take a fall,

Get broken bones & really-“hit the wall!”

And where do these thoughts of death wishes come from?

Do they reside – in a bottle of rum?

Are we just programmed, with D. N. A. strands?

We-all-want-to-die – AND LIVE! (pause)

So keep “dealing the hands!”

THE MYSTERY was figured-out, by all women kind,

Way before Christ or The Buddha did find,

“GOD TRICKS US ALL, into-one-thing-or-another!”

Women want children: a death wish for mother?

Work ‘til we die; eat the wrong foods;

Drink too much liquor; take drugs for moods!

What’s-the-use-in-living, if we’re “dying” to die?

Within 24-hours – we’re-all-ready-TO-FLY!

To-The-Gates-of-Hell – or out into space,

Where there’s no oxygen, but we love NASA’s “race!”

Have we been mis-programmed, by some Demon Divine,

To die or to live?

Is either just fine?

But-we-live-in-societies that flourish on THIS:


IF it really didn’t matter, which way you went,

We’d be outta control, or we’d be HEAVEN-SENT!

So, gird upon your loins, You Fearless Death-Wishers,

Being like Jesus – and those other fishers,

“A life full of risks, within reason,” it’s said;

“Might just insure that you’ll never be dead!”

fin. <3

‘Smiling depression’

‘Smiling depression’ can make suicide hard to predict. Here’s what you can do.
‘Smiling depression’ can make suicide hard to predict.

In the wake of suicide, we’re often left with two questions: “Why?” and “How could this have been prevented?”
Neither have easy answers. The painful truth — as evidenced by the recent deaths of beloved public figures Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain — is that suicide is much more prevalent than many are comfortable talking about. According to statistics, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America, claiming more than 44,000 lives each year. More worryingly, a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control shows that suicide rates are on the rise — up 30% from 1999.

What’s even more difficult to come to grips with is the fact that suicide isn’t a monolith. We may have been taught to look for warning signs in friends and family during our high school health classes and college orientations, but warning signs are often not obvious. Nor, as the tragic deaths of Spade and Bourdain have made distressingly clear, are fame, fortune, and a life that is perceived as “good” inoculations against suicidal thoughts or actions.

If there’s anything the conversation that’s stemmed from these high-profile deaths has re-affirmed, it’s that “suicide doesn’t have a look.” And while it disproportionately affects some groups — LGBTQ youth, for instance, are more at risk than their non-LGBTQ counterparts — the reality is that anyone can experience suicidal ideation.

Here’s the reality: Suicide is incredibly difficult to predict. There are many reasons for that.
In a piece for Big Think, Joseph Franklin, professor of psychology at Florida State University, writes that humans love explanations that are simple and universal. Though this way of thinking is often helpful, it doesn’t translate when it comes to the topic of whether someone will commit suicide. In fact, Franklin’s research on the topic showed that even when taking risk factors into account, the most trained experts are no better at predicting actual suicidality than “someone with no knowledge of the patient who predicted based on a coin flip.”

It would be easiest if there were incontrovertible proof that depression was the main cause of suicide, but human nature is far too complicated for that. Though depression is the “leading causes of disability worldwide” according to the World Health Organization, not everyone who lives with it experiences suicidal ideation. Nor, according to experts, is a depression by itself the leading cause of suicide.

There are also other factors at work. Many people who live with depression may not even know that they’re experiencing symptoms of the disorder. And so many people try to push through the pain of grief with atypical symptoms — where the person appears fine to others — that is now colloquially known as smiling depression. Then there’s the fact that despite long-held cultural beliefs about suicide, not all people who die by suicide telegraph their intentions to others. Nor are all deaths planned. Impulsivity and access to lethal means are also important factors that must be considered.

This means that it’s more important than ever to show up for the people in our lives.
Just because suicide is hard to predict now, doesn’t mean it will always be. And new advances in technology — specifically machine learning — are bringing researchers closer to more reliably being able to recognise who is more at risk and when.

But that technology is still years away, which means that it’s on us to reach out and take action when we notice warning signs in our friends and loved ones.

Making the public at large aware of hotlines and suicide prevention centres is important, but it’s also essential that we recognise that not everyone will want to, or even know that they can, utilise these services. And the stigma that surrounds mental illness often makes it feel impossible to ask for help, no matter who you are.

The most important thing we can do is be present for those that we care about. It may feel strange to call up a friend to check up on how they’re doing, but the even the smallest amount of human contact can’t be overstated.

Think about your dark times — everyone has them: When it felt like it would be too much even to text a friend, what would it have been like to receive a message from them first, just making sure you’re doing OK? Would you have considered it intrusive? Or would it have been a relief to have someone be there?

Don’t be afraid to talk — even if it’s about your concern that the person you’re reaching out to may be experiencing suicidal thoughts. The open and compassionate conversation about suicide doesn’t lead to a higher risk. Instead, it allows the person who’s struggling to name what’s going on and share their feelings. Often, that’s the first step to getting help.

If you or someone you know is struggling, know that there are immediate resources available if you’re in a crisis. There are many organisations to become familiar with, including the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

brilliant, *MADMAN* JORNAL💥

[I might call this page: “PERSONAS, or personalities you become! Can’t live with ’em; can’t live without ’em!!”] (1) This is ONLY a model – what’s REALLY going (on) is anyone’s guess. These suggestions I would accept only if ? is not authenticated with real self love and understanding – an authentic life * – which I really haven’t – – – lived to any extent. [(?) = IT, the energy you are given to live with, YOUR ENERGY RESERVOIR, as to speak, IF there is such a thing at all . . . even IT has to be imagined, so how valid really is IT?] ENERGY FOR LIFE – – – a little ? PERSONAS (LAYERS OF IDEAS) ALL are true AND false – Any are truly “false” personas if you buy into the idea that any are actually true – they’re all constructs – i.e.:False Idols = buying into them as genuine anything(s) (like this) IS idolatry – probably not the best thing to get caught up in: A God(?) A Nice Guy. S – – – Guy Sick Bipolar Guy Lawyer Introvert Singer Feeling Type – These are reinforced/infused by Parents, ex-wife, Mahikari,** Education System, Society (others) = infusions – These are all really me, accepting reinforcement and suggestion. But NONE of these ARE authentic – just things I was programmed to develop and I accepted as “default tools,” so to speak. Personas take ALL available energy in some manic way; they take most all the energy from ? – At various points, some unconscious self (WHICH IS THE REAL SELF TOO) cuts off AVAILABLE energy almost totally = depression/psychosis / Personas are disrespected by (The) self because of entire process. How (must a person be) to gracefully disengage from personas to return to ? – to try to learn to love self . . . (?) ** – Sukyo Mahikari, a “new world,” Japanese religious movement, with, perhaps, a million adherents, based on peoples’ lives being governed by a Supreme Being, with the head of this organization being the sole mediator between that God, named SU, for short, and all inhabitants of third dimensional realities, yet, with still a lot of control of individuals by evil, “attaching” spirits, which can be released MAINLY by “a spiritual awakening” provided by infusing the “possessed person” and the entities involved with Divine Light, channeled through the members, who are given this POWER, thanks to the blessing of the organizational head ; it is considered monotheistic, pantheistic, polytheistic, and all these concepts are fused with a heavy emphasis on The Afterlife, “spiritual” growth and development, Divine Providence and “legitimate” miracles happening mainly within the confines of the organization. As far as this “Silly Me” is concerned (and I was a ferment member for about 15 years), it is a wonderful “model” for what those that study these things call a “cult!” {PLEASE NOTE HERE: I HAVE NO PARTICULAR RELIANCE ON THE INFORMATION YOU, GENTLE READER(S), A P P E A R TO BE READING, AND (I CERTAINLY DO NOT SUGGEST ANYONE SHOULD RELY ON IT FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR “ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES!!”) I WOULD GO SO FAR HERE AS TO SAY: “THIS STUFF IS ALL CRAP,” SINCE IT IS REALLY JUST TRYING TO EXPLAIN THAT WHICH, IN MY MISERABLE OPINION, IS UNEXPLAINABLE! I WOULD SUGGEST, IF YOU HAVE ANY INTEREST IN ANY OF THIS “STUFF,” THAT YOU JUST GO TO: AND READ THE POETRY THAT IS THERE – WHICH, I THINK, SIMPLY SAYS THAT THERE ARE NO TRUTHS, INCLUDING THIS STATEMENT THAT “THERE ARE NO TRUTHS(!),” NOBODY AND NOTHING “KNOWS” WHAT IS GOING ON, THERE APPEARS TO BE SOMETHING CALLED “LOVE,” WHICH IS “NICE,” BUT, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, IS P R O B A B L Y UNDEPENDABLE, WHATEVER THAT MEANS, B U T – IT’S ALL WE GOT. SO – H E R E ‘ S T O L O V E ! !} 🙂 <3

Medical Disclaimer. Please use all information regarding “THE CONTENTED HEART,” a.k.a.: “Diary of a Madman,” anyway you wish! IF it is helpful to/for you, comforting or inspiring in anyway, THAT is our INTENTION. We are offering NO MEDICAL ADVICE, and we are NOT doctors, simply “fellow travelers,” also fragile humans, hoping for happiness for everyone, especially YOU! We make no representation and assume no responsibility for the accuracy of what is presented, although we feel we ARE our “brothers’ keepers,” we are all connected and the only sanity we perceive in life is to love and be loved. Shalom, Peace, Namaste & Love to Thee. 🙂

Nightmare Cults 🤐


I stumbled in The Center and stubbed my little toe,

And, when you’re dealing with “a cult,” well, THEY will always know:

WHY that “something” happened AND what you have to do,

To avoid a-similar-thing (pause)

Happ-en-ing TO YOU!

The critical-est factor, that you will notice quick,


Your personal experience is caught within THEIR SCOPE,

Of organized analysis,


Do not be a dope!



And ANY cult

Or group

Or thing,

Is just a pearl “pea,”

Which is within an oyster,

At-the-bottom of YOUR LIFE!


OR – You might have some strife!!

And ALL these fine, old systems, that have you in their “jail?!”


So, there’s no need to wail!

If ever X approaches, declaring, “I got YOU,”

Just turn around and walk away –

That’s all you need to do!

And IF (s)he yells, “Hey, no one does THAT – I DEMAND – YOU STAY!”

Just keep on walking, smile a bit – and wish ‘em a good day!!

fin. <3

Watch “The Video That Will Change Your Future – One of the BEST MOTIVATIONAL VIDEOS EVER” on YouTube

To all those who have been or right now

Feeling the nightmare of the destruction of life

Be comforted to believe you will be found

Time is on your side

Perhaps you may be asking yourself

“how do I make it to 5 o’clock, one hour away”

KEEP following the story of “Darkness”

A personal Journal of a Broken Soul. It is

Real life! 😔

Watch “Casting Crowns-Who am I (with Lyrics).wmv” on YouTube

Who are you

You were always you

Unique, and just the way you were born

Life is a journey

You were always on the right journey

Pherhaps we don’t pay attention and miss you the signs

To busy chasing self

Life’s like that

Don’t look back you’re never going that way

Yesterday never existed

Today is now

Watch “Mental breakdown” on YouTube

We endevour through this blogg to share inspiration what you are feeling is treatable regardless how trapped in your nightmare you are.

Over the following weeks keep an open mind .

Knowing just how confused you are there is a solution just for you to .

One fix will not work for you. You are uniquely designed as beautiul, only one of you exists on earth.