Is there any relatively unmistakable sign that would tip one off early on that his or her relationship partner is a narcissist?
Hello my friend. I can tell you the very first red flag 🚩 I had.
We had been together, blissfully, for around a year. On my day off I decided to cook a lovely dinner for him when he arrived home from work. He was an hour late to start off with which was a pain but I guessed he’d hit traffic so let it go. ( red flag 🚩, everyone else’s time is completely unimportant to a pwNPD, my ex ran late for everything).
Anyway, when he eventually arrived home, he came over to me where I was cooking our dinner. There was no usual kiss on the forhead, no sorry im late, no ‘what are you cooking up?’ His first words were “why did you put peppers in it? It’s bloody disgusting, im not eating that”.
It doesn’t sound like much, but it was the angry tone in his voice and a look of spite on his face which took me aback. He had never spoken to me like that before, nor had I seen him talk like that to anyone else in the two years I’d known him before we dated. He was usually so polite and mild-mannered that it shocked me to see him react like that.
I did retaliate to his nastiness, and he backed down (that too changed over the years, his shitty outbursts would turn into an all-day argument ), he laughed it off like he was joking, but I knew it wasn’t a joke, his attitude and facial expression were not fake, he meant it!.
FYI, he ate the entire meal…peppers included!! ( red flag🚩, they contradict themselves all the time).
It was the first incident I can remember thinking WTF was all that about?!. It was also the first incident that I made an excuse for his behaviour because it just didn’t compute.
It took another 3 years for his nonsensical outbursts to become a regular occurrence but even then, my brain just referred back to the man I had fallen for in our first year together…..in the end, I only had glimpses of him but it was enough for me to keep trying.
If you’re intuition is telling you ‘this is wrong‘, don’t ignore it like I did. I should have walked away that very first time my gut instinct warned me about him.
Don’t invest yourself any further in someone who makes you feel bad, sad and confused because you will end up sick, tired and broken 💔.
“Don’t invest yourself any further in someone who makes you feel bad, sad and confused because you will end up sick, tired and broken 💔”
So true. Whatever person, if N or not, just take care of yourself and don’t try to rationalize bad behavior away.
You didn’t break them; it’s not your job to fix them cause you can’t unless you’re a professional practitioner.