All these creatures large and small our responsibility to nuture, protect all these magnificent animals.
Please help save all species by donating to responsible Groups caring for them.
Every cent will save our precious wildlife.
I’m not a perfect creature; I mistakenly care too much. I’m the disembodied voice in life, with the cataclysmic touch.
For years I have walked this earth, edified by many who’ve been and gone. I’ve been hustled, I’ve been played and good Lord have I been torn.
I will not preach and I do not judge, although far too many do. For many things I am guilty, one is hopelessly loving you.
I do not believe in perfection, for it’s an inflated morons myth. Your translucent eyes shift and pull, like the waves that fight a cliff.
And I fell… right into you.
I will never be the holy grail, the saint within a church. I’m imperfect, sporadic and as flawed as hell. All of these and more you’ll find, need all you do is search.
If falling in love with you is forbidden, throw a noose and let me pay my dues. Stop your cosmetic shades, and your impossibly complicated views.
You’ll never find a love quite as pure, yet so dangerously tainted. I’m selfish, so selfish… On death row I’d take you with me, even against your protests. Guilty as sin, ruled the plaintiff.
We worry a lot about what people think of us. We worry what they think about our fashion choices, our looks, the things we say, our level of success, and our particular interests or hobbies. Even the philosopher Heidegger speaks of The They—the amorphous, ambiguous atmosphere of other people’s judgments. We end up living in fear or doing things we really do not want to do (or missing out on things we do want to do) because of fear of people’s opinions.
I used to worry constantly about what people thought about me, and to be honest, I still occasionally do. But years ago, a significant crisis in my life taught me that we actually do not have to worry about what other people think of us and that there are really good reasons not to worry at all. Learning these lessons relieved a significant amount of anxiety in my life. Perhaps they will relieve anxiety in yours. Here are five reasons I believe that you do not have to worry about what other people think of you.
#1. First, you do not have to worry about what other people think of you because most of the time, they are not thinking about you at all. Just as you often spend a lot of time worrying about what other people are thinking of you, most people worry about the same thing. So they are actually not thinking of you–rather, they are thinking about themselves and worrying about whether they look okay to you and everyone else. Or they are probably thinking about other things such as their hopes, dreams, fears, romances, and plans for pizza on the weekend.
Most of us think about ourselves about 95% of the time and other people 5% of the time. This is not so much a criticism of humanity as an observation of the human condition. On the one hand, being absorbed with ourselves can be really self-centered. On the other hand, many times when we think about ourselves, we are just trying to figure out how to make it through life. So, the next time you are worried that people are constantly scrutinizing you and observing all of your failures, realize that everyone else is almost certainly worrying about the same thing and thinking about what is going on in their own lives instead. (Here is something you can say to yourself when you are worried about what other people think: People are usually thinking about their own lives, not scrutinizing me.)
#2. The second reason you do not have to worry about what other people think is because what people think about you says much more about them than it says about you. Sometimes people are thinking about you and judging you. It is true. But what they think about you is a reflection of their inner life, not a reflection of you. Imagine if you had a dirty window, and you were looking at the world through that window. The dirtier the window is, the dirtier the world appears to you. This is the same way with our hearts (or you can think of it as your mind). When our hearts are filled with fear, hate, rage, insecurity, and prejudice, this definitely clouds our perception of people and events in the world.
This is not so much a judgment, as it is an observation. Just as we cannot properly see out a cloudy window, we cannot see clearly out of a cloudy heart (and we all have cloudy hearts sometimes). When people judge us harshly and think cruel and demeaning things about us, it is because they are looking at us with a cloudy heart.
When people have a clear heart (like a clear window), they are able to look at the world with compassion. A clear, compassionate heart recognizes the light in everyone. It realizes everyone in the world suffers, and everyone is trying to do the best they can.
A compassionate heart certainly recognizes that people do bad and stupid things sometimes (or even a lot of times). A compassionate heart also recognizes that often when people do bad and stupid things, it is because they are aiming for good goals in an unskillful way. For example, most of us are searching for love and safety. These are our two biggest desires, and they are good desires.
However, sometimes we pursue love and safety in misguided ways. For instance, we might think that in order for us to be safe, we must hate other people and be violent to or discriminatory towards them. As another example, we might believe that in order to get love, we must compromise our values or become a different person than who we really are.
These beliefs are a result of bad and misguided attempts to aim for good goals. A compassionate heart honors everyone and their suffering. This does not mean that we must excuse or subject ourselves to people’s bad behavior in the name of compassion. Rather, it suggests that when our heart is clear and we look at everyone through the eyes of compassion, we always try to see what is best in them and what we all have in common (namely our desire to find safety and love and to avoid suffering), and we treat them accordingly. We do not judge them harshly.
When we remember this, we better understand that when people think badly of us, it is often because their heart is cloudy. We don’t have to excuse it, but we can understand it. It really is not about us; it is about them. (Here is something you can say to yourself when you are worried about what people think: People’s thoughts about me are almost always a reflection of them–not of me.)
#3. The third reason you do not have to worry about what people think of you is because it is perfectly normal to make mistakes. One of the things I used to worry about the most is that I would make a mistake, and people would think badly of me. You may worry about this, too. It is important to understand, though, that mistakes are a perfectly normal and acceptable (and even good) part of life. Mistakes are actually how we learn, and there are some things that we absolutely cannot learn except through trial and error.
Drawing pictures is a really good example of why mistakes are necessary and even encouraged. When I am drawing, there is definitely an idea I am trying to communicate, and many times it is something I have never tried to communicate before. So, to be honest, I do not know exactly what I am doing. I just have to try the idea out, see how it looks, make mistakes, and adjust accordingly. (At the end of this post, you can see a picture I originally drew for this essay that is full of mistakes. Those mistakes enabled me to draw a better picture.)
All of life is like that. Every single moment of your life is a brand new moment that no one has ever experienced before because no one has ever been you in your exact circumstances. So, while people can give you general advice about how to live–e.g. look both ways before you cross the road; don’t hit people; bathe regularly, etc.–no one can tell you exactly what you are supposed to do in all of the moments of your life. You just have to live your life and figure it out, and that entails mistakes. You could avoid mistakes if you locked yourself in your room and never left (and we all want to do this sometimes), but that would not be you living your life. We need you in the world, and it is okay if you make mistakes. If people judge you for making mistakes, they are not being realistic or mature about the human condition. (Here is something you can say to yourself when you are worried about what other people think: Making mistakes is perfectly normal and even encouraged. They help me learn to live my life well.)
#4. The fourth reason that you do not have to worry about what other people think is because it is impossible to please judgmental people. As I mentioned before, there certainly are judgmental people who spend time thinking about and criticizing what people wear, what they think, what they say, etc. It is understandable why you worry about what these people think–we all do sometimes. However, it is important to understand that you will never, ever be able to please judgmental people no matter how hard you try and no matter what you do–not even if you are perfect.
Judgmental people are almost always judgmental because, no matter how together they appear, they are insecure, fearful, and they have poor self-confidence. They use judgment and criticism as a defense mechanism. Judging everyone else helps to take their mind off of their own perceived failing. So, you do not have to try to please judgmental people because judgmental people need to address their own insecurity, fears, and inability to love and accept themselves. (And if you are reading this, and you know you are a judgmental person, I wish you peace and freedom from suffering. I’ve been judgmental before, too. Check out the end of this post for another article you can read about how to show yourself more compassion.)
#5. The fifth reason you do not have to worry about what other people think is because there is only one person whose opinion about your life really matters: your own. Your life is an absolutely original and unique event. You are the expert on your life because you are the closest person to you, and you are the person who knows best your hopes, your dreams, your talents, your limitation, and all that you have been through in life. No one has better expertise than you to tell you how to live your life, and so other people’s opinions do not really matter unless you decide they do.
For instance, you may decide that someone knows more than you in a certain area you are interested in pursuing (for instance, becoming healthier or learning a new hobby), and so you ask them for advice. That is perfectly fine. But in the end, you must decide if you will follow their advice. You could unquestioningly do what everyone else tells you to do, but if their advice is not right for you, you will live an inauthentic and unhappy life. You ultimately must be the decider of what is best for you and how you are going to live your life. So your opinion about your life is the most important one and the only one that really counts in the end. (Here is something you can tell yourself when you are worried about what people think: I am the best person to decide if I am living my life well or not.)
In the end, you do not have to worry about what other people think. You only need to worry about one thing: compassion. Are you being compassionate to yourself, and are you being compassionate to others? If you are being compassionate to yourself and others, you will be present, gentle, responsive, clear-thinking, and wise. This puts you in the best possible position to fix any mistakes you need to fix, to know the right path to take, and to know how to help others. And you do not even have to worry about whether you are being compassionate, you can just consistently set an intention to be compassionate, and you are already on the right path. (Here is something you can tell yourself when you are worried about what people think: There is only one thing I need to care about: whether I am living a compassionate life.)
It is normal to worry about what people think, but in the end, it causes us a lot of grief, and it is unnecessary. The only thing we need to concern ourselves with is whether we are living a life of compassion. Everything else needed will follow.
If you would like to learn more about cultivating compassion for yourself, you can read about it here.
I told you I would show you a drawing mistake I made. Below is a picture I originally drew and painted for this post. When I finished it, I decided it was a mistake. I did not like how the girl looks lying flat on her face, and even though I think llamas are adorable and originally believed I needed one in this post, my orange llama just was not working for me. So, I redrew this picture concept and drew the one above with the butterfly and the girl sitting down with her hands clasped around her knees. I liked that one a lot better. Still, I am really grateful for the mistake I made in this picture. Had I not drawn it and decided it was a mistake, I would not have drawn the other one. And I really do like llamas, so one will probably show up in another post.
The past is over. It can touch me not.
“Father, let me not look upon a past that is not there. For You have offered me Your Own replacement, in a present world the past has left untouched and free of sin. Here is the end of guilt. And here am I made ready for Your final step. Shall I demand that You wait longer for Your Son to find the loveliness You planned to be the end of all his dreams and all his pain?” (ACIM Lesson 289 2:1-5).
Author Byron Katie, and creator of The Work, says, “Who would you be without your story?” This brilliant question is primarily asking us to notice where in our consciousness are we still holding ourselves hostage. Where do we continue to hold onto our past, allowing it create our present situation and future?
There is only this moment. There is nothing else. In this moment we can choose to see Reality or we can choose to see a world based on previous moments, the past. Letting go of the past is something that affects us all. Whether you had a wonderful past experience that you wish was still in the present or whether you experienced something traumatic and can’t seem to find healing, the past is tough to let go of and in this, we can all understand one another’s plight. Regardless of the reason, the Reality of it is the past is no longer here, which is a gift. It is the gift that enables us to continue to choose again. Our past does not determine Who and What we are. We can choose anew in each moment, recommitting our lives to peace and love.
The beauty in moving beyond the past is that we can take the lessons we learned and apply them to this moment. Our previous choices cannot hold us back, but can harness the gift to motivate us to move forward in a new, different, or perhaps, even deeper way.
A dear friend of mine is returning to New Zealand soon. It is not her home country but she has residency there and can return whenever she wishes. She excited to move back but also has the attitude, “If things don’t work out, I can always come back home to France.” This is the beauty of choosing again with evolved awareness. Sometimes, we may want to revisit an option from the past because we have learned that it may suit us better at this stage of the journey. It does not mean that we fully return to the past but rather we learn from the past and revisit it anew. It is also true that if something does not work out, we are free to choose again…and again…and again. The point being, we are never stuck or trapped. We are free to flow throughout this world as we wish. As Children of God, our gift is our freedom and Lesson 289 inspires us to live in just that manner, free.
Written by Millionaire’s Digest Staff Member: Amber M.
Founder & Owner of: A Not So Jaded Life
Millionaire’s Digest Staff Team, Author, Successful Living and Writing Writer
It’s no secret that The Secret was and still is the best-selling 2006 self-help book written by Rhonda Byrne. Empowering many with the Law of Attraction, here are some quotations from The Secret that will inspire and motivate you.
1. We all work with one infinite power.
2. The Secret is the Law of Attraction (LOA).
3. Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting.
4. We are like magnets – like attract like. You become AND attract what you think.
5. Every thought has a frequency. Thoughts send out a magnetic energy.
6. People think about what they don’t want and attract more of the same.
7. Thought = creation. If these thoughts are attached to powerful emotions (good or bad) that speeds the creation.
8. You attract your dominant thoughts.
9. Those who speak most of illness have illness, those who speak most of prosperity have it, etc.
10. It’s not “wishful” thinking.
11. You can’t have a universe without the mind entering into it.
12. Choose your thoughts carefully. You are the masterpiece of your life.
13. It’s OK that thoughts don’t manifest into reality immediately (if we saw a picture of an elephant and it instantly appeared, that would be too soon).
14. EVERYTHING in your life you have attracted. Accept that fact. It’s true.
15. Your thoughts cause your feelings.
16. We don’t need to complicate all the “reasons” behind our emotions. It’s much simpler than that. Two categories: good feelings, bad feelings.
17. Thoughts that bring about good feelings mean you are on the right track. Thoughts that bring about bad feelings mean you are not on the right track.
18. Whatever it is you are feeling, is a perfect reflection of what is in the process of becoming.
19. You get exactly what you are FEELING.
20. Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances.
21. You can begin feeling whatever you want (even if it’s not there). The universe will correspond to the nature of your song.
22. What you focus on with your thoughts and feelings is what you attract into your experience.
23. What you think and what you feel and what actually manifests is ALWAYS a match – no exception.
24. Shift your awareness.
25. “You create your own universe as you go along.” –Winston Churchill
26. It’s important to feel good ( ( ( (((good))) ) ) ).
27. You can change your emotion immediately… by thinking of something joyful, or singing a song, or remembering a happy experience.
28. When you get the hang of this, before you know it, you will KNOW you are the creator.
29. Life can and should be phenomenal …and it will be when you consciously apply the Law of Attraction
30. Universe will re-arrange itself accordingly.
31. Start by using this sentence for all of your wants: “I’m so happy and grateful now that… ”
32. You don’t need to know HOW the universe is going to rearrange itself.
33. LOA is simply figuring out for yourself what will generate the positive feelings of having it NOW.
34. You might get an inspired thought or idea to help you move towards what you want faster.
35. The universe likes SPEED. Don’t delay, don’t second-guess, don’t doubt.
36. When the opportunity or impulse is there …ACT!
37. You will attract everything you require – money, people, connections…PAY ATTENTION to what’s being set in front of you.
38. You can start with nothing…and out of nothing or no way – a WAY will be provided.
39. HOW LONG??? No rules on time…the more aligned you are with positive feelings the quicker things happen.
40. Size is nothing to the universe (unlimited abundance if that’s what you wish). We make the rules on size and time.
41. No rules according to the universe… you provide the feelings of having it now and the universe will respond.
42. Most people offer the majority of their thought in response to what they are observing (bills in the mail, being late, having bad luck…etc.)
43. You have to find a different approach to what is through a different vantage point.
44. “All that we are is a result of what we have thought” – Buddha
45. What can you do right now to turn your life around?? Gratitude.
46. Gratitude will bring more into our lives immediately.
47. What we think about and THANK about is what we bring about.
48. What are the things you are grateful for?? Feel the gratitude…focus on what you have right now that you are grateful for.
49. Play the picture in your mind – focus on the end result.
50. VISUALIZE!!! Rehearse your future.
51. VISUALIZE!!! See it, feel it! This is where action begins
52. Feel the joy… feel the happiness!
53. An affirmative thought is 100 times more powerful than a negative one.
54. “What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists.” Alexander Graham Bell
55. Our job is not to worry about the “How.” The “How” will show up out of the commitment and belief in the “what.”56. The “Hows” are the domain of the universe. It always knows the quickest, fastest, most harmonious way between you and your dream.
57. If you turn it over to the universe, you will be surprised and dazzled by what is delivered. This is where magic and miracles happen.
58. Turn it over to the universe daily (but it should never be a chore).
59. Feel exhilarated by the whole process! (High, happy, in tune)
60. The only difference between people who are really living this way is they have habituated ways of being.
61. They remember to do it all the time.
62. Create a Vision Board… pictures of what you want to attract… every day look at it and get into the feeling state of already having acquired these wants.
63. “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
64. Decide what you want, believe you can have it, believe you deserve it, believe it’s possible for you!
65. Close your eyes and visualize having what you already want – and the feeling of having it already.
66. Focus on being grateful for what you have already. Enjoy it!! Then release into the universe. The universe will manifest it.
67. “Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve” W. Clement Stone
68. Set a goal so big that if you achieved it, it would blow your mind.
69. When you have an inspired thought, you must trust it and act on it.
70. How can you become more prosperous?? INTEND IT!!
71. ‘Checks are coming in the mail regularly’… or change your bank statement to whatever balance you want in there… and get behind the feeling of having it.
72. Life is meant to be abundant in ALL areas.
73. Go for the sense of inner joy and peace then all outside things appear.
74. We are the creators of our universe.
75. Relationships: Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others. Love yourself and you will be loved.
76. Have a healthy respect for yourself.
77. For those you work with or interact with regularly. Get a notebook and write down positive aspects of each of those people.
78. Write down the things you like most about them (don’t expect change from them). Law of attraction will not put you in the same space together if you frequencies don’t match.
79. When you realize your potential to feel good, you will ask no one to be different in order for you to feel good.
80. You will free yourself from the cumbersome impossibilities of needing to control the world, your friends, your mate, your children.
81. You are the only one that creates your reality.
82. No one else can think or feel for you. Its YOU …ONLY YOU.
83. Health: thank the universe for your own healing. Laugh, stress free happiness will keep you healthy.
84. Immune system will heal itself.
85. Parts of our bodies are replaced every day, every week…etc… Within a few years we have a brand new body.
86. See yourself living in a new body. Hopeful = recovery. Happy = happier biochemistry. Stress degrades the body.
87. Remove stress from the body and the body regenerates itself. You can heal yourself!
88. Learn to become still…and take your attention away from what you don’t want, and place your attention on what you wish to experience.
89. When the voice and vision on the inside become more profound and clear than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life.
90. You are not here to try to get the world to be just as you want it. You are here to create the world around you that you choose.
91. And allow the world as others choose to see it, exist as well.
92. People think that if everyone knows the power of the LOA there won’t be enough to go around. This is a lie that’s been ingrained in us and makes so many greedy.
93. The truth is there is more than enough love, creative ideas, power, joy, happiness to go around.
94. All of this abundance begins to shine through a mind that is aware of it’s own infinite nature. There’s enough for everyone. See it. Believe it. It will show up for you.
95. So let the variety of your reality thrill you as you choose all the things you want. Get behind the good feelings of all your wants.
96. Write your script. When you see things you don’t want, don’t think about them, write about them, talk about them, push against them, or join groups that focus on the don’t wants… remove your attention from don’t wants…and place them on do wants
97. We are mass energy. Everything is energy. EVERYTHING.
98. Don’t define yourself by your body. It’s the infinite being that’s connected to everything in the universe.
99. One energy field. Our bodies have distracted us from our energy. We are the infinite field of unfolding possibilities. The creative force.
100. Are your thoughts worthy of you? If not – NOW is the time to change them. You can begin right where you are right now. Nothing matters but this moment and what you are focusing your attention on.
Article Credits: Amber M.
Millionaire’s Digest Staff Team, Author
(For Inspirational, Beauty, Book Bloggers & More)
April Full Moon in Libra ~ Let Go of Those That Cant Love You The Way Your Able https://bestofnatureblog.wordpress.com
Libra is all about Balance and Harmony, and the Full Moon in Libra wants you to let go, at least partly, of those relationships that put in jeopardy your own Inner Balance.
The Moon wants you to preserve your own energy for those outside loves and things that can respect your full power and softness, your true identity, your real desires both for yourself and for the relationship.
The energies want you to see that when you give too much of yourself or when you feel undervalued, not respected, honoured or inspired enough in a relationship, in other words when it’s Imbalanced for you as you give more than you receive — you actually loose your own inner happy there & in the name of the outside.
The Moon wants you to see that you deserve more than those relationships that can’t love you as you deserve.
In those specific situations you sometimes compromise yourself to keep the bond as it is.
You know that if you break the compromising deal, crisis follow.
You know that dramas happen if you refuse to keep yourself small, silent, waiting or if you speak your true desires.
You know that the relationship is based on a deal that makes yourself hide parts of your worth, beauty, true desires and aspirations — and you know that if you break the unhealthy deal, the relationship could fall.
But tonight, you can let it Fall.
If you don’t, new people or new ways of relating won’t be able to find you because you’ll simply be stuck somewhere else.
You need to move out, in order to move in — if you see what I mean.
Without those spaces freed up in your heart from what’s meant to fall, the newness of love can’t find you.
It’s a difficult time I know.
It’s hard because we wish that they had loved us as we loved them.
It’s hard because yes, sometimes we did love them to the Moon and back.
But they didn’t, or perhaps they couldn’t, return the Moon.
You get to choose to set yourself free from those relationships that ultimately attach and cord you, without giving you as much as YOU are able to give in this life, which is Unconditional Love.
It’s hard to let go of people that we love especially when we are empaths because we keep thinking or hoping that they will change.
This, nobody can know.
But at least tonight, and for your own joy, remember to save yourself first & that Love need Two People to Tango.
The Moon wants you to see, again, that the right path on this journey is always to choose Yourself.
As you let things go, take immense care of yourself and Trust that more aligned loves, loves that allow you to keep your own inner balance, to rise as tall as you’re meant to and to love as deep, kind and magic as you’re longing for – will find you, when you sign up for Freedom.
Find me at http://www.aheroinespath.com.
I must confess, it has been a time
Since your soft name has graced my mind
A label, title, as much yours as mine
A poignant word I thought I’d left behind
Sunny, bright days we’d walk in together
Shade we’d lounge in, cooled by deep shadow
Blue skies, bubbling water stretching forever
As we’d strolled brook-margined green meadow
You never tip-toed foreground nor limelight
Never a harsh word slipped beyond your lips
Heart-wrenching moment were you in full sight
Upon your precious, pale forehead: a kiss
Sweet brother, your chest never rose nor fell
Never to pass this ideal pastural
Max Marshall, Harry Marshall, Ron Marshall. JUNE MARSHALL, MANDY MARSHALL, MAXJOHN MARSHALL, CECILIA MARSHALL. R.I.P!
Mim Marshall 😇
In memory of my Son Little Sammy.
Always tucked in my heart to hold close.
It seemed as if his words were a string that kept going around me, looping, tightening, after every line. Though the string was taut in general and even tighter at certain lines, I was still breathing, but gasping, but breathing.
Once I Claimed Sorrow
Once, I claimed sorrow greater than anyone else’s. The world
was as it is now. Corpses of children loaded into trucks
each day. Change only ever coming in narratives. Gas leaks.
Landslides. Of course a tornado matters more than the antiseptic
room of patients in the nursing ward. Of course it matters
what you’re dying of. Lupus, for example, is a word
no one wants on his gravestone. Better “bravery.”
Or a quote by some bearded European thinker, saying
all we are is people. See, the first thing I’ll do when someone I love
walks that beaten path is quarantine their closet.
Then smell a piece of clothing each day. While watching a sitcom.
Or while walking Belle, my dog, who uses scents to determine
who she loves. Let death never blind us. Disappearance
is always beautiful and flowers are always blooming.
If you cannot find it in you to tell that laughing child
swinging in the monkey bars to stop, perhaps you can save
an equal kindness for grown-ups. True, we are not children.
We are far more worn. Look how we lie: Once, my old man said
that the great earthquake in this country
probably swayed a daffodil continents away
in the perfect direction, creating a beauty that can fill
whatever fracture it made in our souls. Probably,
they are wrong. The deepest sorrows are not fractures.
They are holes within the body. But even still
earthquakes do happen in the context of flowers;
and flowers sometimes bloom in minefields.
Too much happiness can be treated by thinking
of the man in the coldest place on Earth.
And what can I say about sadness
apart from how I cannot have it all to myself.
The world has not changed, but now chances are
my sorrow is average. I am most important
only when starlight passes through my irises
after thousands of years of travel; and where I dispense it
may be the greatest ripple I can manage
in whatever sea we’ve been thrown in.
This is not a call to be humble. I do not mean
to empower anyone. This is just a prayer in its rawest form.
This is an instruction to befriend your executioner. Or no.
This is nothing but a howl. A cry. A gasp.
Every day day I Pray for Mum’s silently needing to hold that cherished Child in their arms.
I saw this year’s first advertisement for Mother’s Day gifts. It was like being impaled with a blunt spear. The sensation was real. The pain was momentary, but severe. Like my insides cringed for me. All my organs did a simultaneous dry heave. Literally gut wrenching.
But, I can proudly say I held my own. My face remained blank and I had no verbal outburst. Every time I can effectively restrain myself I’m legitimately amazed. It’s not that it hurts any less, it’s just that I’m getting better at not outwardly breaking down.
No woman ever thinks that her first Mother’s Day as a mom will be celebrated without her baby in her arms. At least, I never did…which I suppose is funny when one considers that I’m generally thought of as a harsh realist at best and an eternal pessimist at worst. Funnier still when one recalls my most recent profession. I spent ten years in emergency medicine, the last six of those years serving as a NYC Paramedic, during which time I became intimately involved with death. Death itself was so commonplace. Watching someone die, despite my best efforts to delay the inevitable, became as normal as waving to your neighbor when you see them pulling out of the driveway. So now, I can see death everywhere. And I’m pretty at peace with it. I mean, the logic of earthly finality is sound. I can picture the realistic ends of all my loved ones lives. I’ve even imagined my own many more times than is reasonable, healthy, or sane to admit to. But still, I never thought of my baby dying, and then having to live on to see my first Mother’s Day without him. Maybe that makes it harder for me to take this. I could envision everyone’s end but his…probably because I couldn’t handle it.
But here we are. Rather, here I am, without Jacob. And I guess that’s my point. Though I’ll be with my own beloved mother and some family on this upcoming festival of motherhood, I’ll probably be feeling completely alone and totally out of place. And I won’t even have my Grams to comfort me because this will be the first Mother’s Day of my life without her. The weirdness of having no living child on this holiday will be compounded by my sudden lack of grandparents. I’ll miss seeing her wear that corsage my mama orders from the florist for her every year.
I close my eyes and imagine the three of us; me, Jacob, and Gram. With perfect clarity and HD quality I can see us standing there in my mind. I consider the options carefully, thinking of how each one carries its own hefty set of ramifications. My decision is easy to come to, but hard to live with. If I had to choose which of the three of us would have to spend Mother’s Day alone, or at least feeling like they’re alone, I would pick myself.
I would never want my sweet baby boy to live a Mother’s Day without his mommy. I can’t stand the idea of him being in elementary school, making a card for the mother he never got to know. It brings tears to my eyes to imagine his face as he watches the other kids run into their mothers’ arms. No child should live through that kind of sadness, least of all my baby.
And my dear grandmother, who’s only ever concerned herself with the needs and comforts of others, would never deserve to feel the sting of loneliness on any day, but least of all Mother’s Day.
Not that I have power over such things, but if the choice was mine, and one of us three was fated to hurt terribly, it would and should be me. God made the right call. Grams raised me to believe in self-sacrifice for causes greater than the self. My own mother has shown me time and again that she would take my pain away if she was able. She would carry the load herself so that her baby’s back, my back, would be unbroken and unburdened. But she can’t, because the load I carry is for my own child. I will hurt so Jacob, who was the only truly and purely innocent soul I ever touched, won’t have to. I’ll be sad so Gram, who gave me everything just by smiling every time I walked into the room, won’t have to be. My mom is a great mom because of how she wants to hurt for her kid, instead of her kid. The only way I can be a good mommy to Jacob now is to carry this pain for him, and carry on.
If I had to determine who would bear the brunt of this situation, I’d pick me. This load is mine to haul until The Lord calls me home. That’s not too far off when you think about it. It’s only a lifetime.
Why did God take my Son?
I have been asked this questions many times.
God never called your Child Home.
God doesn’t take children to Heaven .
God loves children.
I thank God everyday for cherishing my Son and having a safe home to be in.
You see when a Child dies he or she didn’t just die
Humans die from either Disease or Accident, that called life on earth.
Dying is not something we should do naturally
Believe “so be it”
IN DREAMS WE LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY, THEN WHY DO WE PLACE CONDITIONS ON LOVE IN LIFE?
Cherish freedom of loving without the chains around your neck.
Giving, sharing and dignity is all the requirements we need to do to receive unconditional LOVE.
You do not have to know all your deep dark secrets. You do not have to delve into the lurkings of your past. Yet the world holds on to the preciousness of the past. Its motive is good, to unveil the past so that you can then move on past it. But, of course, the world likes to analyze.
There are those who say you have to pass through every emotion before you can get to love, but do you? Do you have to go through anger in order to get to love? Why be a student of anger? Why study reproach? Why unwind guilt as if guilt were a maiden’s lovely tresses? All those feelings that are not enjoyable, give them a nod and move on. They are by-standers. You do not have to stop to talk to every by-stander. You can give a slight nod and keep walking.
Why not study that which fills your heart with joy? You are not pretending that you are perfect in the relative sense. Yes, there are buried parts of you. It’s like you can check your car’s fuel tank as often as you want, but the thing is to fill the tank.
Beloveds, offer love to yourself. You do not have to analyze all the nitty-gritty of you. Okay, so it’s there. You have resentments. It doesn’t matter what their basis is or how understandable. If you want to be done with them, be done with them. You do not have to soothe every detail of them. You can get past them. When you forgive someone else, you don’t go over every single item of their offense. So forgive yourself, and get on with it.
I am not saying to kid yourself. I am saying you can transmute whatever your past has been, and you can transmute whatever emotions tagged along. When you are going somewhere, you pack your suitcase with clothes you want to wear. You don’t take along clothes that don’t fit you any longer. You don’t take them for the sake of remembering and being honest about what you used to wear. If there are clothes you no longer want to wear, leave them behind. No need to examine each seam and pocket. Why would you? There is no diamond there.
You learned the alphabet so you could read. You don’t have to keep going back to the alphabet. You no longer have to sound out words. You do not have to acknowledge that once you read at a first grade level. You don’t have to keep going back to first grade books. No one has to give you permission to read advanced level books. You give yourself permission.
When it comes to love, it’s a little different because you came to Earth knowing love. It may be love that you have forgotten, and so you are relearning to love. You do not have to keep counting the steps to love. It is enough to love, and to love is what you want. Take out the garbage, beloveds, without examination. Why review every peel and seed?
Simply come back to love. Every time come back to love. You have it. It is yours. No reason to recall every mis-step. No reason to retrace every detour you have taken. You were driving to one state, and you passed through other states on your way, and sometimes you were even lost in one state, but now you are here. You are here with Me. You have passed through anger and guilt, and now you are in the state of love. Go where you want to go, beloveds, and be there. Never mind about when you were in a lesser state. You do not need to dredge up where you once were. Perhaps there are scars. So, there are scars, but the scars are not your occupation, beloveds.