You know you’re Australian when: You believe that stubbies can either be drunk or worn. You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden. You understand that the phrase ‘a group of women wearing black thongs’ refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds. You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bin’. You believe the ‘l’ in the word ‘Australia’ is optional. You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas’. You call your best friend ‘a total bastard’ but someone you really, truly despise is just ‘a bit of a bastard’. You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place. You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin. You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’. You believe that cooked down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread – you’ve squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis. Beetroot with your Hamburger… of course! You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song ‘Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’ And ‘Living next door to Alice’. You wear ugg boots outside the house. You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off for a pittance. You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language. You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, While ‘scuse me’ is always polite. You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose. You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ‘Anzac Cookies’. You still think of Kylie as ‘that girl off Neighbours’. When working in a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in “o”: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc… You know that there is a universal place called ‘woop woop’ located in the middle of nowhere, no matter where you actually are! You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss. You sleep with Aeroguard on in the summer and don’t mind it as a perfume. You’ve only ever used the words – tops, ripper, sick, mad, sweet, to mean “good” and when you place ‘bloody’ in front of it then you really mean it. You know that the barbecue is a political arena. You say ‘no worries’ quite often, whether you realise it or not. You understand what no wucking furries means. You’ve drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam. You own a Bond’s chesty – in several different colors. You know that some people pronounce Australia like “Straya” and that’s ok. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand! Share this around if you are Aussie!..