Why do narcissists withhold affection?
A narcissist withholds affection (or sex) for a number of reasons
Please be aware that every narcissist or pwNPD is a bit different, but in my own experience and those of people close to me who were in relationships with narcissists or pwNPD, they withhold affection for the following reasons:
They feel or perceived that you did something wrong to offend them, accuse them, criticize them, blame them, question them, or anything that made them uncomfortable or put on the spot.
They are feeling bored and need to amp up the drama in the house so they withhold to make you freak out wondering what you did wrong, why they’re mad at you, why aren’t they attracted to you, are they losing interest in you, what can you do to win back their affection and make them want you and “desire” you and touch you again.
This plays right into their hands and makes them feel god-like as you bend over backwards to appease them, cater to them, stroke their feathers and “ooh” and “ahhh” over them.
They are talking to other women/men and getting attention and adoration outside of the relationship, so they are not as into you as they would be if you were currently their only option.
They haven’t withheld affection in a while and they notice you getting extra relaxed, content, happy, and almost giddy with your peppy positivity that is “you” but that they have worked so hard to snuff out.
This can’t happen so they need to remind you of your place and put you back there, which is walking on eggshells and not knowing where you stand with them at any given moment.
They are feeling down on themselves, in a particularly low mood and envious of the news of a friend or neighbor who got a new Tesla, bought a new boat or has been looking ripped from regularly working out, so they must make you feel like crap so they can feel better than someone.
They also haven’t liked how sexy you have been looking since you started running and toning up your tanned legs so they have to destroy that confidence you’re gaining by taking affection and sex away and acting like you are nothing.
Making you feel like they are repulsed by the thought of even sitting close to you to watch a movie.
Regardless of why the narcissist withholds affection, their goal in doing so is to cause a negative reaction in you, or to cause you to feel negatively about yourself.
It is to make you doubt your place in their life, doubt your value and doubt their devotion to you.
This in turn causes you to constantly try to get back to the place of idealization and where they looked at you like you had dropped straight from heaven just for them.
Withholding affection and sex is emotional abuse and pure manipulation.
It is evil, sick, calculated, and malicious.
It has NO PLACE in a healthy relationship and at the first hint of it, a person should address it so that it never happens again, or they should abandon ship and leave the relationship.
THIS IS DEATH TO ANY FEELINGS OF TRUST, INTIMACY, SAFETY or SECURITY.
You deserve better, and we all deserve better.
To sum it up, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist who is withholding affection or sex from you and they have a history of doing so, just remember that while they are neglecting you in that way, there are a million men(or women) out there who would give their left arm for a chance to be with you.
Someone who uses withholding as a form of communicating their anger, disappointment, pain, does not love you and is not on your team.
They are working against you and any chance at success and happiness in the relationship.
I hope this helps you in some way if you are going through this now.
It is never going to improve and will always end the same for you
Disappointment and unhappiness.