“THE 4% SOLUTION?!” a poem, a.k.a.: “In Defense of The Catholic Church!” posted: September 9, 2019 (Monday)
The Church speak-eth:
“We’re NO darned better AND no blessED worse, Than other population groups in The-Multi-Verse! We’re The Catholic Church-reps – and we’re NOT s- x per-verts!
(because) ONLY 4% OF OUR PRIESTS ARE ‘GROPERS’ & THE DIOCESE ASSERTS: That ‘Given OTHER-groups, Churches-The-Boy-Scouts-School-Teachers-and-Kiwan-(u)is] – WELL, they-have-4%-of-THEIR-people-SEXUALLY-RE-PORTED, so-don-be-so-hard-n-us!!! ‘ ] ONLY 4% OF OUR SHEPHERDS – stoop – to feel-and-smooch!] WE’RE NO WORSE THAN OTHERS – ONLY 4% of US – like-to COOCH! Thus, THE MAJORITY OF CATHOLICS, leaders and lay – ARE BEYOND RE-PROACH!] So, why go around suing and bad-mouthing CATHOLIC PRIESTS?”
[One response:] “Well, JESUS IS-YOUR-COACH!]
And, sure, it might be you get sued a lot, but YOU ALL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY!
Doesn’t that suggest – You aught-to-be-a-lot more careful – about kissing Little Sonny?
And, regardless of The 4% Statistic, YOU ARE: THE CHURCH UN-I-VERSAL,
So, Catholics are held to a high, high standard! Like-you-say: THIS-IS-NO-DRESS-RE-HEARSAL!
So, GIRD UP YOUR LOINS! BUT NOT TOO HIGH; KEEP-IT-DOWN,
‘Cause you KNOW you’re under scrutiny! Why The Frown?
Plus, celibacy-is-YOUR-THING, and also your-rites-of-Priesthood,
Which say: DON’T MOLEST KIDS! (pause) Maybe you should,
NOT MAKE APOLOGIES AND ARGUMENTS FOR YOUR PRIESTS,
Just STOP – The S- x u – l Encounters!
LET’S A L L STOP ACTING LIKE BEASTS,
Focus LESS ON s – x AND MORE ON KARAOKE,
And getting sun and exercise –
We’ll spend LESS TIME IN THE POKEY!”