Keeping Balance~

“PLEASE KEEP YOUR BALANCE!” a poem (in the series: “Don’t Hurt Yourself, Love!”)

Remember to keep your balance, for balance is A KEY,

To love & joy & successful-living – and (especially) harmony!

For, when-Frank-Castle’s-burning-your-skin-with-a-red-hot-poker-rod,

It goes – from a really, really hot – to an icy-cold, frozen bod!!

DUALISM, BABY! Just-remember Suzi Jane –

Who discovered ORGASMS, but was ignorant of the pain,

Which cums, if you’re-a-girl-pleasing-self-down-under-to-The-Max,

Labor pains be-likely coming, and them might be the facts,

OR – after you get “runners’ high,” or high of any sort,

You better keep the levels up, or you might get to court,

Saddened states and tragedies – like you may-have-never known,

‘Cause what goes up (’round-here) goes down-

YOU-SHOUT-and-THEN-MOAN!! 🙂

So, here we’re back to BALANCE and too much joy or rush,

It’s keeping things-a-bit moderate,: getting crazy in “a hush!”

Just-a-bit-o’-HUSH, held right in – to let the waters flow,

Over you, your mind and bod! You know, we all da “ho,”

Wanting-yearning-desiring-burning-with-sweet-passion, Mate,

Remember to-breathe & move & shake, when-you-have-your-Date-Night-late,

And-remember-our-talk-’bout-eczema – and scratching way too much,

Sure-rub & itch & soothe it out, with simple, gentle touch,

For, as I’ve noted in other poems, if-you-scratch-it-with-abandon,

It’ll-be-healing – and-the-oozing’s-revealing –

But-you’ll-regret you-did-all-that “sandun’!”

Just REMEMBER* My-Love – BALANCE! not too cold or hot:

Like – IF you shower in warm water – your skin won’t scald and rot –

MODERATION! with-OCCASIONAL – fits of passion! YES!

LIKE: Smooch your baby 10,000 times, but a million? might-be a mess!

fin. <3

  • – but ONLY if you will!
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This story was told by a loving wife

This story was told by a loving wife

At a church service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.” You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. 

“Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.



” We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.”

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I’m Tom Smith.” The entire congregation held its breath.

I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.

1.Law of Mechanical Repair –

1.Law of Mechanical Repair –

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity – 

Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability – 

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers – 

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5.Variation Law – 

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.Law of the Bath – 

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7.Law of Close Encounters – 

The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

8.Law of the Result – 

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics – 

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10.Law of the Theatre & Hockey Arena – 

At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance.

The aisle people also are very surly folk.

 11.The Coffee Law – 

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.Murphy’s Law of Lockers – 

If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.Law of Physical Surfaces 

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

14.Law of Logical Argument – 

Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance – 

If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

 16.Law of Public Speaking — 

A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – 

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

 18.Doctors’ Law – 

If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you’ll feel better. 

But don’t make an appointment & you’ll stay sick.

Scottish Diplomacy

Scottish Diplomacy

The following is a true bit of Scottish Diplomacy:…

One thing about men from Scotland is that their hearts and humour are always in the right place!

Jimmy MacDonald, a City Councillor from Glasgow, was asked, on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of terrorists.

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:

 “If hooking up one rag head terrorist’s testicles to a car battery gets the truth out of the lying little camel shagger to save just one Scottish soldiers life, then I have only three things to say, Red is positive, Black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet.”

The HOSPITAL BILL

The HOSPITAL BILL

Image may contain: 1 person, closeup

A man suffered a heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he

had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital.

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?”
asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly,

“Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied,

“Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

“A LAND OF SCHIZOPHRENIA!” a poem in the series: “It’s a God Thang!” a.k.a.: “Poor ‘J’ Is Dreaming!” a.k.a.: “You’re Dreaming This Whole Thing! Wake Up!” Friday: September 6, 2019

“A LAND OF SCHIZOPHRENIA!” a poem in the series: “It’s a God Thang!” a.k.a.: “Poor ‘J’ Is Dreaming!” a.k.a.: “You’re Dreaming This Whole Thing! Wake Up!” Friday: September 6, 2019

Zeus suffers schizophrenia! which is common in Atlantis!

Ours is-NOT telepathy! and-there -is-NO -“praying mantis!”

We DO-NOT “project our thoughts;” we live next door!*

No, we are ONE PERSON, talking to “ourselves?” for-evermore!

NO! There IS “schizophrenia!” It’s what we suffer from;

Are we suffering a delusion!? Did-I-just-arrive? From-where-did-I-come?

YOU’RE COMING – FROM ATLANTIS! YOU’RE ZE-US IN DISGUISE!

He has: 1 nose? 1 mouth? 2 ears? and – a pair of eyes?

ALL of “us” IS ZEUS, and Zeus is-a “classic GOD,”

With a-classic case of-schizophrenia! There-are NO sturgeon! and NO COD(e)!

THERE’S NO ME – NO YOU – NO pedigreed labradors!

ONLY ZEUS – ALONE! and (s)he’s NEVER eating smores?

Yet, Zeus is A MYTH, schizophrenic or not,

SO, NOTHING IS REAL-ITY(?) Get-off ” the pi-ty pot, “

For, it doesn’t exist – and POT IS ALSO UP IN SMOKE!

Because: particulate matter is also-a-myth!

“Ease up, Mystic Bloke!”

Therefore, ASSAULT’s also a myth, for THERE’S NO ONE FOR TO POKE,

And you might conclude (perhaps, rightly) that this-here poem’s a-joke,

But-I’m-willing-to-bet-you-a-nickel, that-you-have NO-Texas-Cowboy to LOVE,

And “self pleasuring”-is only really possible – in OLYMPUS,

Way-UP-THERE! Way Above!

fin

Yet, IT’S-ALL-“REAL,” FROM-A CERTAIN PER-SPEC-TIVE;

Choose-up-sides-we’ll-smell-armpits – and-THEN, “WE’LL-TRULY-LIVE!”

  • – or in the next room, the same room, or the same body/mind!