These days, SEX, this confusing, wonderful, exhilarating expression of love, attraction and desire seems to have become a subject of the most profound misunderstanding since the beginning of time. The porn industry and so called “liberation” have been misinterpreted to the point where many now associate sex with a deep sense of insecurity, performance anxiety and a deep abyss of human low points.
Porn has of course nothing to do with liberation – only manipulation. I know, this isn’t a popular standpoint, but it’s nevertheless true. Porn has gone from slightly risque photos, or drawings, to a global marketing strategy to turn sex into a violent, cruel and often perverted act in the human mind. Nothing could be further from our instincts, our human nature and the love, we all desire and want at the core of our beings. It has managed to turn teenagers into aspiring “porn stars” (that very expression is an oxymoron) before they have the emotional or even physical maturity to understand their own sexuality.
Just like any skill or activity you want to become proficient in, sex, which is that much more entwined with our emotions and deepest feelings, it’s important to stay with the basics before you get into advanced techniques. You wouldn’t throw a nine year old out in a dangerous current or waterfall to teach it how to swim, yet this is what happens to way too many teens and even younger children when it relates to sex. They explore the web and find porn sites not even the hardest or most seasoned of humans could watch without some part of them shuddering in horror.
That kind of sex has nothing whatsoever to do with the playfulness, the delight, the warm feelings of sharing, of safely exploring this wondrous aspect of human life. I wouldn’t even call it sex, at all.
I lived with a porn addict and fetishist for a few years. I had up to that time never ever encountered anything remotely like it. And just like any addict, he was very good at manipulating and lying in a way that had me utterly confused for too long (now when I have 20/20 vision in the rear view mirror I’d have left him after a fortnight). That said, just to explain how I even got started examining and scrutinizing the porn industry and my deep sense of sadness for anyone who confuses porn with sex. They miss out on the most delicious experience.
Since I have always had a zest for life, for love, for play and sensuality, this experience resulted in a book. I wanted to give examples of how pleasurable and fun sex, and love, can be while also describing what it is our children are subjected to nowadays, without any guidance. SEX is meant to be heavenly and the easiest and fastest way to experience that is to generously, and on every occasion season it with obscene amounts of (self-) LOVE.