Sitting on the shores of the muddy, toxic-algae-filled Murray River and tucked just inside the Victorian border, Mildura owes its existence to an irrigation experiment that transformed it from an arid wasteland into a soggy wasteland that grows fruit. The city’s horticultural heritage is reflected in the names of its streets including Orange Avenue, Lemon Avenue and Avocado Street. In recent times more modern industries have also been honoured in similar fashion: Chroming Street, Insurance Fraud Avenue and Handjob Boulevard.
Mildura calls itself ‘Victoria’s Food Bowl’, but ‘Meth Bowl’ would be more accurate. The original translation of Mildura is ‘sore eyes’, which is strangely appropriate considering the average Milduran’s scabby peepers have been prised open on a six-week drug binge. Aside from picking fruit for slave wages, popular activities in ‘Methdura’ include living in a van down by the river, staying awake for three weeks in a row and trading sexual favours for a suck on the see-through didgeridoo.
Mildura is the capital of ‘Sunraysia’, a made-up country populated by sun-worshipping gronks. It’s also the welfare fraud capital of Victoria, proving that Mildurans enjoy a spot of dole bludging as much as they like actively courting melanoma. Another local obsession involves relentlessly revving anything with an engine, whether a powerboat on the river or a rusted boganmobile with a baked beans tin for an exhaust – anything incredibly loud and obnoxious will do when you’re poorly endowed and want the whole world to know.
Mildura: Melons, Meth and Microdicks.
- The Egos Con ~"PREPARATION" a poem September 13 2019 (Friday) IT'S ALMOST TIME TO W(H)INE AND DINE, ] Lots of PREP TIME shall be mine.] PutOnMyBestFace for THIS TIME, ] For I WANT it toBE sublime, APPROPRIATE and PROPER, see, ] WHEN FINISHED, feeling GOOD for ME, Is CRITICAL and very needed; I donotwannabe UPSET or out seeded. … Read more
- “O. J. MAN.” a poem on: Friday The 13th September 2019"O. J. MAN." a poem on: Friday The 13th September 2019 (I'm telling you) IF you can find a man to squeeze you orange juice in the morning, you got it made, 'Cause an orange juice squeezer that kind of guy is (for lack of a better term:) A HIGHER GRADE, Because he USES HIS … Read more
- Big fake ~"BIG FAKE" a poem for FRIDAY, September 13, 2019 A smile, A hug, An insincere I LOVE YOU; You're a fake, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE; You're NEVER authentic or true. "Well, OK, then What's Next? if you can't trust anything anyone does as really real?" A BUNCH OF FAKE PEOPLE. "You're FAKES that's just what I … Read more
- Comfy ~ in my opinion ~"COMFY!" a poem September 12, 2019 (Thursday) "Don't go there." and "Stay away from him." "I'm NOT comfortable (and you shouldn't be either) with Brian or Jim, Or Robin or any unstable girl or, even, Gladys, Who hangs out at The Local Bar, [who is] simply a BAD A ( ) S." Thank GOODNESS, we … Read more
- Luke Le Bree ~With your love dear Jesus thank and bless you for the many times you have looked upon myself and healed me for my separation from you, Now you give me your heart to speak with your beloved people. With your love dear Jesus thank and bless you for the many times you have looked upon … Read more