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J Jay Samuel Davis

Woolworths at it again ~

 MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS 


Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging 

to have her killed. 


A ‘friend of a friend ‘put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of

‘Artie.’ Artie explained to the husband that his going price for  snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his  wife’s insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Woolworths Supermarket store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed 

by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. 


Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. 
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared…(You’re going to hate me for this…) 



‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WOOLWORTHS 


Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you.

Categories
American History

“Giving More Respect To Turkeys!”TEXAS COWBOY

“RESPECT!” a poem, intended to convey respect! a.k.a.: “Good Luck!” October 15, 2018 (Monday) [Preface: “Giving More Respect To Turkeys!” a poem within this poem, kinda! [”Help! I was kidnapped! by turkeys – with beaks and snoods! / They DEMANDED more respect; there were both hens & dudes: /“We are primary coverts!” at me they squawked; / “so we are ‘undercover,’ urging-respect!” and-we-talked! / For quite a while – in-a turkey dialect! / I REALLY must say that I felt a bit ‘hen-pecked!’ /Anyway, I DO – have more respect for them now – / For the noble, stately, L-Tryptophanic turkey, somehow! / They’re just raising families and are regular “birds,” / pursuing The American Dream – and-fertilizing-Earth-with their turds! / But! Their American Dream, for some reason, has been ‘soured; / so I DO urge us to respect them more – and-to-be more ‘chicken-powered!’”] Now, for your regularly scheduled poem:

The QUESTION OF RESPECT!! (pause) It-now comes up so often, Love!

I’m PRETTY SURE – that no one knows – what REAL respect is (even) made-of;

Perhaps because: RESPECT – – – IS RULED BY A LITTLE GIRL,

Who screams: “Y-all-are-‘dissing’-me – ‘CAUSE – you don’t like my brand, new curl,”

Or, sometimes, you’ll hear a guy say: “Pretty-green-dress-Cindy; it’s just right for you!”

THEN! SHE’LL CLAIM DISRESPECT, ’cause he mistakes turquoise for blue!!

Does anyone know what they are talking about when the definitions are all new?

When we ALL see colors differently! So-is DISRESPECT! – seeing-a-different-hue?

Disrespect is SO subjective; it’s like: WHAT IS YOUR GOD TO YOU?

Could be: The Force – Nature – An Old Man – or – A Big-Breasted Shrew!

Disrespect? DISRESPECT! I think THIS definition’s clever:

RESPECT (n): Never claiming any disrespect – regarding-anyone! ever!

Because – when YOU see disrespect – it’s in YOUR eyes! You! The Beholder!

So DISRESPECT TO YOU – IS WHEN Y O U FEEL COLDER:

It’s YOUR reaction! NOT what THEY do or say;

Our terms are so fowled up – I (still) claim –

NOT JUDGING – (pause) is The Greatest Respect you can pay! 🙂

fin <3

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