Woolworths at it again ~

 MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS 


Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging 

to have her killed. 


A ‘friend of a friend ‘put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of

‘Artie.’ Artie explained to the husband that his going price for  snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash on hand until he could collect his  wife’s insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Woolworths Supermarket store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed 

by the store’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. 


Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. 
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared…(You’re going to hate me for this…) 



‘ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WOOLWORTHS 


Oh, quit groaning! I don’t write this stuff, I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you.

  • Monsters under your bed ~
    "IF YOU FIND THEM!" a poem a.k.a.: "Integration!" July 15, 2019: Monday IF you check-for and-find MONSTERS! under-your-bed, Remember: You are just – gazing INTO YOUR HEAD! For, whatever "terrors" you might see, Are-already RESIDING-THERE, inside of Thee! So, here's some-hopefully – acceptable advice! Just crawl under your bed (Don't think twice!) And make FRIENDS … Read More
  • Nuns~
    "SHE!' a poem about: AFTER The Musical "Nunsense!" July 15, 2019 (Monday) As-we-left-Sul-Ross'-PLAY-ground, a-spectator-commented-there: "THAT! WAS- SUCH-NUNSENSE, [for] – BOTULISM*-would-never-dare, To-take-any-of-OUR-NUNS! For, she-was-Catholic, with FAITH-T'-SPARE! [I overheard this comment, AS NUNS PO(o)URED-out-into-The-SUL-try-Evening-Air!] It seems-as-if the girls (THE GIRLS! – from the Play) Had undressed! (and-were-coming-to-greet-us!**) LET-US PRAY: "Lord, Oh-Lord – of Heaven above, How-can-such-"pigeons" exist-[with]in-Your-Love?" … Read More
  • Respect ~
    "RESPECT LOST; RESPECT RE-GAINED!" a poem a.k.a.: "Just Ask Around!" in the series: "Mr. Hip (Trump) Goes To Town!" 15 July 2019 (Moon-day) Yes, THE WORLD really LOST respect for [the] US[A.], when George W. was "in;" For-8 LONG YEARS – we-had-to-deal with-his goofy, "Frat-House" grin! He wasn't that smart, BUT – he wasn't a … Read More
  • Mildura ~ Australia ~ Don’t go there for a holiday
    Sitting on the shores of the muddy, toxic-algae-filled Murray River and tucked just inside the Victorian border, Mildura owes its existence to an irrigation experiment that transformed it from an arid wasteland into a soggy wasteland that grows fruit. The city’s horticultural heritage is reflected in the names of its streets including Orange Avenue, Lemon … Read More
  • So funny ~
    Making a baby. This is hilarious!  There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!– The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm … Read More
Advertisements

“Giving More Respect To Turkeys!”TEXAS COWBOY

“RESPECT!” a poem, intended to convey respect! a.k.a.: “Good Luck!” October 15, 2018 (Monday) [Preface: “Giving More Respect To Turkeys!” a poem within this poem, kinda! [”Help! I was kidnapped! by turkeys – with beaks and snoods! / They DEMANDED more respect; there were both hens & dudes: /“We are primary coverts!” at me they squawked; / “so we are ‘undercover,’ urging-respect!” and-we-talked! / For quite a while – in-a turkey dialect! / I REALLY must say that I felt a bit ‘hen-pecked!’ /Anyway, I DO – have more respect for them now – / For the noble, stately, L-Tryptophanic turkey, somehow! / They’re just raising families and are regular “birds,” / pursuing The American Dream – and-fertilizing-Earth-with their turds! / But! Their American Dream, for some reason, has been ‘soured; / so I DO urge us to respect them more – and-to-be more ‘chicken-powered!’”] Now, for your regularly scheduled poem:

The QUESTION OF RESPECT!! (pause) It-now comes up so often, Love!

I’m PRETTY SURE – that no one knows – what REAL respect is (even) made-of;

Perhaps because: RESPECT – – – IS RULED BY A LITTLE GIRL,

Who screams: “Y-all-are-‘dissing’-me – ‘CAUSE – you don’t like my brand, new curl,”

Or, sometimes, you’ll hear a guy say: “Pretty-green-dress-Cindy; it’s just right for you!”

THEN! SHE’LL CLAIM DISRESPECT, ’cause he mistakes turquoise for blue!!

Does anyone know what they are talking about when the definitions are all new?

When we ALL see colors differently! So-is DISRESPECT! – seeing-a-different-hue?

Disrespect is SO subjective; it’s like: WHAT IS YOUR GOD TO YOU?

Could be: The Force – Nature – An Old Man – or – A Big-Breasted Shrew!

Disrespect? DISRESPECT! I think THIS definition’s clever:

RESPECT (n): Never claiming any disrespect – regarding-anyone! ever!

Because – when YOU see disrespect – it’s in YOUR eyes! You! The Beholder!

So DISRESPECT TO YOU – IS WHEN Y O U FEEL COLDER:

It’s YOUR reaction! NOT what THEY do or say;

Our terms are so fowled up – I (still) claim –

NOT JUDGING – (pause) is The Greatest Respect you can pay! 🙂

fin <3

  • “THE HARDHEADED BRAT OF BREWSTER COUNTY?!” a poem August 7, 2018 -💣💣
    “THE HARDHEADED BRAT OF BREWSTER COUNTY?!” a poem August 7, 2018 – Tuesday. a.k.a.: “Doctors, Lawyers, Indian Chiefs: IF You Have Questions, Call The Thiefs; If You’ve No Questions, Then Something’s Wrong – You-Need-An-Attitude-Adjustment … And A Different Song!” “YOU! YOU! – You-you-need, To ‘get on board’ and learn to read! And-agree-more-often with conventionality! IF-you-don’t, … Read More
  • Watch “Alan Jackson – How Great Thou Art (Live)” on YouTube TEXAS COWBOY
    https://youtu.be/a-m_6KN5ISA I wonder what all the Texas COWBOYS WOULD DO TODAY Probably KICK THEM UP THE BACKSIDE AND RUN OUT OF TOWN America the greatest Nation on earth ©
  • Texas Cowboy ~ woman are my destiny
    “WHAT IS LOVE!” a poem a.k.a.: “When Forcing Love is Love Too And Loving To Destroy Love is Love Too And Any Love Is Good Love – And Can Destroy The World And Send Us Where Love Is Very Rarely Seen!” 29 Nov 2018 (Thursday: Karaoke Night at Ole Crystal Bar, Alpine, Texas!) LOVE? is … Read More
  • Give me loving all day long ~ Texas Cowboy
    "DOUBLE EDGED KNIVES CAN CUT YOU BOTH WAYS, AND YOU WOULDN'T WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY, RIGHT? a poem 25 May 2019 (Saturday) I've said it BEFORE! and I know you want more, Of The Topics of: BORE and of CHORE! So! (pause) Why's-the-word-LIFE, which-rhymes-with-WIFE, Also rhyme – with a "hard word" like STRIFE? And … Read More
  • Love 🤩
    People say they find love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. – Mitch Albom
  • “ALWAYS MISSING OUT!” TeXas cowboy
    "ALWAYS MISSING OUT!" a poem February 4, 2019 (Moon-day!) IF I ONLY REACTED – "better" – and "quicker,"I'd-be-better-off – but – I'm feeling-a-bit-sicker,Trying to keep-up – with what-others-suggest?To help my poor life? – and-make-a-"comfortable nest?"To fulfill the desires – of Presidents and Kings?"IF-I-COULD-ONLY-TRY-HARDER!" but-such-stress-this-thought-brings! Perhaps JUST RELAXING?! "My burden is LIGHT!"*And – BREATHING-FOR-A-MOMENT – might … Read More
  • ” IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE COMFORTABLE IN LOVE ” 💋Texas Cowboy
    " IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE COMFORTABLE IN LOVE " a poem April 20, 2019 (Saturday) I need comfort; you need comfort; we ALL need comfort SOON! If-I-don't-get-me-some-comfo't, I'll explode in my little room! I'm sure – my comfo't – you-can secu'e, IF you're-here-draped-'round-me, 'cause-you're-so-dear! Comfo't! It-is: you and me,- In-ter-twin-ed-in X-stacy! "It's-so-'potant -t'-be-comfoble," I say; … Read More
  • “DIRE!”~TEXAS Cowboy 🤠🤠
    Where-INSPIRATION? Oh, my-DARLING! I-haven't-got-a-clue, IF-you're-asking- about-yourself! AS, FOR ME, IT'S ALWAYS YOU! You are the catalyst – and -The-Touch-Stone; You-are-the-one to-unleash this bone, And jam the juices – to The Sky! YOU ASK AGAIN, and-I-don't-know-why; I only know – that, at the start, Procreation can impart, A-sense-of-love and-commitment-then! THE POWER SURGES, and-where've–I-been? But-EVER – ever-here … Read More
  • “Sally and Friends! Texas Cowboy 💥💥
    "[FLYING HIGH WITH] OUR GAL 'SAL' AND 'CRATES,' HER PET HIPPO!" a poem, in the series: "Sally and Friends!" April 7, 2019 – Sunday "Medical Sally" loves "her own!" She likes to be called up – on the phone, To answer questions about your health, And get you to visit, to take your wealth!? Of … Read More
  • “A TITANIC YEARNING!” Texas COWBOY 🤠
    "A TITANIC YEARNING!" a poem April 6, 2019 (Saturday) My purpose in life is to make you a Titan, For Titans are huge oh-so-strong-and-they-frighten, EVERYONE!? even-the-strongest-and-most-fast, The-ones-labeled-"invincible," and-we-all-think-they'll-"last!" I'll make you a Titan, by "pulling" on you, 15-minutes-to-an-hour! That's-what I will do, For we all need GOD FOOD, that liquid refreshment, From-The-Springs-of-The-Gods (in Fields so … Read More
  • “BEING WITH THE OLD COW IS ALWAYS THE MOST COMFORTABLE!”TEXAS COWBOY
    "BEING WITH THE OLD COW IS ALWAYS THE MOST COMFORTABLE!" a poem, by The Texas Cowboy: "You MOOve me!" April 6, 2019 [Saturday] "Will you love me, when I'm old and gray?Shall we do something-else now? I-hope I'm-not-IN-THE-WAY!You're disappointed?! Dissatisfied!? with-life-and-me, I'm-sure?WHAT SHOULD WE BE DOING?" "Well!!! JUST-a-WHAT WE'RE,DOING R I G H T NOW! … Read More
  • “SHE IS A SMORGASBORD OF SWEETNESS IN THE GARDEN OF SENSUAL DELIGHTS!”💥💥 Texan Cowboy
    "SHE IS A SMORGASBORD OF SWEETNESS IN THE GARDEN OF SENSUAL DELIGHTS!" a poem a.k.a.: "You're Delicious!" "So, I Want To Eat!" "All of You!" March 25, 2019 [Monday] You're my yummy, blueberry muffin; you're my creamy, sugary puff!You're my scrumptious candy kisses! Yeah, I can not get enough!You're my frothing, fruity ambrosia – in-a-perfect-crystal-cup![Yeah, … Read More
  • Texas Cowboy
    https://youtu.be/hVOERnTSKiE Texas Cowboy Ace NEWS ROOMS 
  • MAMAS, HOPE THAT YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE COWBOYS!🤠🤠
    MAMAS, HOPE THAT YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE COWBOYS! a poem resurrected: February 23, 2019 {also entitled: “ONLY THE REALLY GOOD DAYS ARE J.W. DAYS”} This poem is dedicated to some friends of mine who live here in Alpine. They are COWBOY FRIENDS (We have a “Cowboy Poetry” gathering here each year!); “Cowboy Friends” … Read More
  • Texas Cowboys 😁
    A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks, 'Why in the world are you walking … Read More
  • “There’s a Magical Force Field of Love- around You, that opens-up when you smile! 
    "LOVE ACTUALLY!" a poem a.k.a.: "What The H – – – ! Satan Has Possessed Santa Claus And Everyone Is Circumventing The Anti-Love Force Fields! Is This A Sign of The Season, Or The Times, Or What?" Dec. 7, 2018 (Monday) XXX-Mas is close(r)! "There's a Magical Force Field of Love- around You, that opens-up … Read More
  • * – gently!  🙂
    "THE 'O. D.' HUG!" a poem a.k.a.: "My Favorite Huggie!" Saturday: Dec. 15, 2018 I-just wan'-a-me – the O.D. HUG, I-know-it's-a-lot-to-ask, But I-like to-think about-it – in-your-hug I-LO-O-OVE -to-"bask!" [Procedure:] You sneak up (kinda slowly) and whisper in her ear, That-you-love-her-ever-lots-and-lots, and she's a Sweetie DEAR – You get a little closer, and-you smell her … Read More
  • It comes Naturally in Australia – loving dancing in the rain 💙💙
    DOWN UNDER, AUSSIE STYLE!" a poem Tuesday: 12/11/2018 The sexiest girl I ever met, Australian-born-and-bred; I-really-loved-it-when-that-purty-"sheila" -was-messin'-with-my-"head!!" "So-you're-Texan, hey?!"-she-said-"Hoo-ray," with-a-sparkle-in-her-eye; "Well-honey-cum-down-SOUTH!"-said-she; I said: "Oh, my-my-my!" "What's-'matter-BIG-BOY? – ya-stammering! A-heifer-got-your-tongue?" [Those Aussie girls I-think-I-think – they like 'em well-a-hung!] "Come-on, Tex!-what-cha-waitin'-for? Don't-cha-wanna-cume-DOWN-UNDER?" "Well-yes-yes – purty-miss, I do – I-lightnin'-n-you-be-thunder!" Well-anyway-FOLKS-n-FRIENDS-n-NEIGHBORS – watch-(out) for Aussie chicks: They're-kinda-a-like-the-kangaroos, … Read More
  • ‘Cause love that-is gonna work   is-something you can’t search for 💥💥
    “IN THE MORNING LIGHT, WE DISCOVERED THE TRUE MEANING OF T H E T R I N I T Y !” a poem, for awakening! Tuesday, November 13, 2018. My lover! She-don’t-have-no-periods (pause) (and) I-have-no com-mas! She’s always ready! (pause) and – I-don’t ever (pause!) pa-ause,* ‘Cause love that-is gonna work is-something you can’t search … Read More
  • So, I’ll embrace-him – and kiss him nice, I-love-angel-kisses, with sug’-and-spice! And I will touch-him; we’re-a-really-“good-fit,”
    "FOR X-MAS!" a poem Friday: December 7, 2018 Now, I lay me down to sleep, I pray, Dear Lord, don't let me weep! Please give me angel wings, so I, Can be-with-him; please, let me fly, To him-a-sleeping – and wrap around, My pretty wings, without a sound, So, I'll embrace-him – and kiss him … Read More
  • And-to-keep-The-X-Factor, on the watch; On-The-X-Pistol, there’s-many-a-notch
    “XX = FEM.? XY = MASC.?” a poem December 6, 2018 – Thor’s (XY) Day! Person X [to Person Y]: “I want you – to be – happy! And what you need right now (I know) – You need a-little-‘nappy!’” While Y doth sleep, X doth plan, How-to-make-Y – a happy man, And-protect-him-always – against … Read More
  • LAPTOPS DESKTOPS COMPUTERTOPS, ALL (pause) &, pretty soon, more & more, Computer systems controlled “The Scene,” and-where-do-you-go-from-there? From Land – and Sea – unto-almost-The Clouds*  and NOW, we do not care
    "SALVATION!" a poem 12/6/18 (Thurs.) included in the new, sensational series called: "No Lifestyle, but only DEVICE STYLE!" In-The-Beginning, Gloria strapped-on-"a-mouse," a mouse 'round her neck, with a chain, But-The-Mouse-was-connected to-a-system – I think "the frame"-mighta-been-"MAIN!" And, then, our Gloria was very burdened – and sought to free herself from, The TERROR that she had … Read More
  • Watch “Alan Jackson – “He Stopped Loving Her Today” at George Jones’ Funeral | Opry” on YouTube
    https://youtu.be/GbjpbqowX3Y
  • Why Do They Call You Tex?
    A little guy is seated next to a big guy at a bar and asks his name. The big guy says, "They call me Tex." The little guy replies, "Oh, you must be from Texas." The big guy says, "Nope. I'm from Louisiana." "Hmmm," the little guy replies, "Then why do they call you Tex?" … Read More

Letter to my husband

I wanna be the reason

You slightly tilt your phone

Away from others when you read it

It’s hard to resist a bad boy

Who’s a good man

Even harder when you a gentleman in public

And a Master in the bedroom

Letter to my Husband

Letter to my h
  • Letter to my Husband ~
    I love you means that I accept you for the person that you are and I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you. You are a clyderscope of many roads and colours like a magical quilt put together from splinters of shiny glided … Read More
  • Letter to my Husband ~
    I may not be able to tell you every day but I need you to know that you are my world. That day I first saw you from the corner of my eye I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open choosing to take all in my stride every step along the … Read More
  • Letter to my Husband ~
    Letter to my Husband https://youtu.be/jGJliLJTMcI
  • Letter to my Husband ~
    Letter to my Husband
  • Letter to my husband ~ how many ways
    Letter to my husband ©️ My husband I love everything you are I love you so I love you cause you are lovely I love you cause you spoil me I love you cause you read to me I love you cause you giggle with me I love you cause you are kind I love … Read More

Making babies ~

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!–

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.’

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said, ‘I’ve come to..’ ‘Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ‘I’ve been expecting you.’ ‘Have you really?’ said the photographer. ‘Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?’

‘Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !’ After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well, where do we start?’ ‘Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,  and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.’

‘Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!’ ‘Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.’ ‘My, that’s a lot!’, gasped Mrs. Smith. ‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.’

‘Don’t I know it,’ said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ‘This was done on the top of a bus,’ he said. ‘Oh, my God!’ Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. ‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.’

‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs. Smith. ‘Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.’ ‘Four and five deep?’ said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. ‘Yes’, the photographer replied. ‘And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.’

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ‘Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?’ ‘It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.’ ‘Tripod?’ ‘ Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very long.’

Mrs. Smith fainted.

  • Monsters under your bed ~
    "IF YOU FIND THEM!" a poem a.k.a.: "Integration!" July 15, 2019: Monday IF you check-for and-find MONSTERS! under-your-bed, Remember: You are just – gazing INTO YOUR HEAD! For, whatever "terrors" you might see, Are-already RESIDING-THERE, inside of Thee! So, here's some-hopefully – acceptable advice! Just crawl under your bed (Don't think twice!) And make FRIENDS … Read More
  • Nuns~
    "SHE!' a poem about: AFTER The Musical "Nunsense!" July 15, 2019 (Monday) As-we-left-Sul-Ross'-PLAY-ground, a-spectator-commented-there: "THAT! WAS- SUCH-NUNSENSE, [for] – BOTULISM*-would-never-dare, To-take-any-of-OUR-NUNS! For, she-was-Catholic, with FAITH-T'-SPARE! [I overheard this comment, AS NUNS PO(o)URED-out-into-The-SUL-try-Evening-Air!] It seems-as-if the girls (THE GIRLS! – from the Play) Had undressed! (and-were-coming-to-greet-us!**) LET-US PRAY: "Lord, Oh-Lord – of Heaven above, How-can-such-"pigeons" exist-[with]in-Your-Love?" … Read More
  • Respect ~
    "RESPECT LOST; RESPECT RE-GAINED!" a poem a.k.a.: "Just Ask Around!" in the series: "Mr. Hip (Trump) Goes To Town!" 15 July 2019 (Moon-day) Yes, THE WORLD really LOST respect for [the] US[A.], when George W. was "in;" For-8 LONG YEARS – we-had-to-deal with-his goofy, "Frat-House" grin! He wasn't that smart, BUT – he wasn't a … Read More
  • Mildura ~ Australia ~ Don’t go there for a holiday
    Sitting on the shores of the muddy, toxic-algae-filled Murray River and tucked just inside the Victorian border, Mildura owes its existence to an irrigation experiment that transformed it from an arid wasteland into a soggy wasteland that grows fruit. The city’s horticultural heritage is reflected in the names of its streets including Orange Avenue, Lemon … Read More
  • So funny ~
    Making a baby. This is hilarious!  There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!– The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm … Read More

Funny Story

BRAINS OF BRITAIN

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn’t my strong point.
Jamie Theakston: There’s a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester

BBC NORFOLK


Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don’t know.
Stewart White: I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm
Stewart White: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re…?
Contestant: Strong.
Stewart White: Correct – and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?
Contestant: Louis
Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don’t know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: – Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )


DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: 
I think I know that one.. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi’s first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )


Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER)

Phil: What’s 11 squared?
Contestant: I don’t know.
Phil: I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY


Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. … …..
Richard: He makes bread . . …
Contestant: Er .. ……..
Richard: He makes cakes . . …
Contestant: Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain ..

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)


Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O’BRIEN SHOW (LBC)


James O’Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth … ER. ER … Three?

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.


  • FUNNY
    So you cowards think you're tough because you jumped me, waited for me to be alone? At my own house even!? I still handled all of you, left 3 of you on the f'n ground. You're lucky I don't have any marks on my face. I have some on my arms and neck but who … Read More
  • FUNNY
    Nymphomaniac Convention A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York and on taking his seat, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo – she took the seat right beside him. "Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or … Read More
  • CUTE FUNNY PUPPIES
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/1084225614975623/
  • FUNNY
    “If you ask me” Gerald insisted, “feelings are wholly overrated!” He took a long slug from his beer and stared into the flames. “Jane is always wanting me to share things and open up, but that’s just not me you know” he continued. “I always try and explain that to my wife” Thomas answered, placing … Read More
  • CATS

My Best Friend my Body

“BEST FRIEND TOO!” a poem June 17, 2019 (Moon-Dog Day)

My body is my best friend; I love every-strand-of-hair;

I really want to love him* – to show him that I care!

I want to listen to him, if-he-needs to-talk to me,

To tell me: “Something’s-going-on-here!” I’ll-listen-re-spectfully!

And, if my body’s aching, I’ll try to-give-it a little rest;

If there’s pain or discomfort, I-will-NOT my-body test,

By [like] popping pills or something – to-make-the-message go away!

I wanna keep him healthy – for-forever and a day!

My Best Friend, thanks for all your love – and understanding too,

For-I-can-be tough to-deal-with! Forgive-me! I-love-you-true!

fin <3

  • – You are welcome to put in the feminine here, if you wish! Remember, though, we all have both!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.
  • – In the arms of an angel” 🕊
    https://youtu.be/1SiylvmFI_8 Most beautiful warriors of the heavenly spirit, ( yes my friends I am addressing this to you ) To live life one has a spirit created by our loving God so that on earth we may live in a earthly environment and body. Because mankind as a whole turned there back on their Creator, … Read More
  • PEACE🕊
    These days in which you walk require you to be with me in a state of peace, for I dwell within you and I am aware of the dangers and temptations that the outer world will put upon you to destroy your oneness with myself. I will help guide you I am not a empty … Read More
  • Truth ~
    Now that all buildings fall down if the foundation is not true. The world is doing the same as you lose sight of what is true. God is truth. Jesus birth, death and resurrection and meaning of it is truth. Accept this as your foundation and you will understand life that has a stability and … Read More
  • You tell the story 🍀
    Advice from a tree 🌳 Stand tall and proud GO OUT ON A LIMBRemember your RootsDRINK PLENTY OF WATER Be content with your natural beauty enjoy the view 🌳@bestofnatureblog I’m ready for something brand new I’m ready for the new energy I’m ready to spread my branches I’m ready to grow 🌳@jfastereft
  • PRAY 🙏
    Make Us Worthy of Your Blessings We thank You oh God for your generosity and kindness, and ask that You hear us in this hour of indecision. Make us worthy of Your blessing and keep us from further want. Help us restore our abundance here on earth, so that we may turn more attention to … Read More

Wisdom ©️

Many have said that happiness is an inside job, but be sure to put some emphasis on the word “job”. First, accept that you have responsibility in your own happiness. Stop blaming the world, your past, bad luck or other people. Accept the fact that you have some power and choices in your life. Then begin to use your power and choices. Happiness takes practice. It starts with deciding that such a thing even exists, or can exist for you. Then you have to decide that you should have some. Then you have to start looking for it. Chances are that you have opportunities for happiness right under your nose that you haven’t even noticed. When we become open to happiness and are more mindful, we begin to notice happiness in moments. Happiness is not a permanent state. Happiness is not a thing we achieve. We do not find the secret to happiness, and then everything is just great. Happiness comes in moments, between sad moments and everyday ordinary moments. Happiness is there for you to notice and reach for and touch. If you want to be happy you must become a happiness seeker. You have to think about happiness, look for the happiness, seize the happiness and believe with all of your heart that you deserve happiness. Happiness comes in moments, between sad moments and any other day moments. So true. After sadness happiness focus its light and appears suddenly as seeing or crossing anything in our way that cheers us inside. It changes our mood perfectly and let us feel grateful and joyful in the heart. We see everything wonderful! Share this with someone you love and be blessed! Peace ✌️

  • Catholic Church Crimes against Children
    Paedophile priest Robert Claffey has admitted to the abuse of 2 more children, His lawyer says he shouldn’t serve more time as he was “vilified” for his crimes.
  • NSW Police Officer Vaughan Mark Hildebrand
    Former NSW Police Officer Vaughan Hildebrand has pleaded guilty to stalking and blackmailing 15 women and underage girls into forced rape and making explicit videos A former NSW police officer blackmailed his victims into having sexual intercourse (rape) as part of an elaborate deception involving social media, a court has heard. Vaughan Mark Hildebrand faced … Read More
  • Oliver Deighton has been found guilty of the manslaughter of 5 month old baby boy Michael Smedley.
    Oliver Deighton has been found guilty of the manslaughter of 5 month old baby boy Michael Smedley. Sadly, once again we are doing an RIP Post for a beautiful innocent baby. STOP KILLING KIDS !!! I never thought we'd have to print that phrase, surely it's just common sense, right? Well it seems to some … Read More
  • Take a little box ~
    Take a little box now. Put all your dreams inside All of them will come true. I’d never let them die But promise me just one thing. You’d never leave my side Make me a part of your dreams. That’s where I want to lie I can promise you one thing No matter what we … Read More
  • DIARY OF A MAD MAN? Page 36: DIARY OF A MADMAN?🕴🕴
    (36) [What a bunch of bal. . Folks out there & the right ones in & implement the right "policies" because an unnatural species has no idea what's right or better (period). The whole thing definitely appears "hopeless," short of the proverbial RADICAL REVOLUTION IN HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS [which is someone's silly dream, unattainable around "these-here … Read More

The Cave Whisperer ~

“THE CAVE OF WHISPERERS!” a poem taken from an ancient text, discovered deep in The Heart of The Chisos Mountains, Big Bend National Park, West Texas!* Monday: June 17, 2019

“I’m going to “The-Cave-of-Whisperers,” its walls [are] tall and smooth;

Its hooded ornament becomes! It’s got me in the groove!**

Its fleshly drawbridge yearns welcoming me home!

Voices, old-and-mysterious – recite-eth many-a-poem!

Of love and bliss and war and peace;

I feel your piece! It gives me eas[c]e,

And pure excitement! What a trip!

This cave of yours CAN-be a-“PIT,

OF TORTUROUS-LONGING” for those-u-unprepared!

For those not comfy-with-The-Unknown, well, they-can-be downright scared,

But I approach your cave of dreams with anxious, steady tread,

And I am filled with so much love, it cancels out all dread!

I’m drooling with excitement! I touch the thick, wet walls,

And smell the sweet ambrosia; the voices ever call:

“It’s YOU we’ve always waited for; come hither and come yon [yawn]!”

The cave doth yawn with yearning; I smell surrounding “lawn,”

Which grows so much and must be trimmed, to-allow for easy entrance,

For those enticed to come here, with love, they’re in-a trance!

I love The Cave of Whisperers so much I bought the place,

So I can be here all the time – and always so embrace!

It is OB*** scene, but worth the cost,

For-your-cave I’ll-suffer any loss,

And luxuriate in the magic here;

Your cave’s wide open – and sheds a tear!

My head is hard, but slow and easy

“COME!” says CAVE; “I want-[ya]-t’-tease-me!”

Youth!-Search-for-The-Cave, if you will,

But it’s-secluded – and warm and still!

Maybe best – to listen-for-The-Voices,

And follow them-here for-the choicest choices!

fin <3

  • – just kidding!

** – or “mood!”

*** – could refer OBsidian, a hard, dark, glass-like volcanic rock which can form caves!

Me too 👫👫
  • Monsters under your bed ~
    "IF YOU FIND THEM!" a poem a.k.a.: "Integration!" July 15, 2019: Monday IF you check-for and-find MONSTERS! under-your-bed, Remember: You are just – gazing INTO YOUR HEAD! For, whatever "terrors" you might see, Are-already RESIDING-THERE, inside of Thee! So, here's some-hopefully – acceptable advice! Just crawl under your bed (Don't think twice!) And make FRIENDS … Read More
  • Nuns~
    "SHE!' a poem about: AFTER The Musical "Nunsense!" July 15, 2019 (Monday) As-we-left-Sul-Ross'-PLAY-ground, a-spectator-commented-there: "THAT! WAS- SUCH-NUNSENSE, [for] – BOTULISM*-would-never-dare, To-take-any-of-OUR-NUNS! For, she-was-Catholic, with FAITH-T'-SPARE! [I overheard this comment, AS NUNS PO(o)URED-out-into-The-SUL-try-Evening-Air!] It seems-as-if the girls (THE GIRLS! – from the Play) Had undressed! (and-were-coming-to-greet-us!**) LET-US PRAY: "Lord, Oh-Lord – of Heaven above, How-can-such-"pigeons" exist-[with]in-Your-Love?" … Read More
  • Respect ~
    "RESPECT LOST; RESPECT RE-GAINED!" a poem a.k.a.: "Just Ask Around!" in the series: "Mr. Hip (Trump) Goes To Town!" 15 July 2019 (Moon-day) Yes, THE WORLD really LOST respect for [the] US[A.], when George W. was "in;" For-8 LONG YEARS – we-had-to-deal with-his goofy, "Frat-House" grin! He wasn't that smart, BUT – he wasn't a … Read More
  • Mildura ~ Australia ~ Don’t go there for a holiday
    Sitting on the shores of the muddy, toxic-algae-filled Murray River and tucked just inside the Victorian border, Mildura owes its existence to an irrigation experiment that transformed it from an arid wasteland into a soggy wasteland that grows fruit. The city’s horticultural heritage is reflected in the names of its streets including Orange Avenue, Lemon … Read More
  • So funny ~
    Making a baby. This is hilarious!  There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!– The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm … Read More
  • Letter to my Husband ~
    I love you means that I accept you for the person that you are and I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you. You are a clyderscope of many roads and colours like a magical quilt put together from splinters of shiny glided … Read More
  • American President ~
    "WHAT'LL WE DO?" a poem in the series: "Mr. Hip (Trump) Goes To Town!"* 14 July 2019 [Sunday] (calling from "Campaign Headquarters:") "Mr. Trump, we've a dissident-poet, "diss-ing" in Texas!" "No prob.," said The-Don, as-he-cruised-in-his-Lexus; "For, that poet's STILL-A-SHEEP! "But, sir, he-might 'rile' things up!" "Not to worry," said The President; "he's STILL – just … Read More
  • Dear Mr Trump ~ Give us the the love
    "GOOD TIMES (SOMETIMES) COME IN THREES!"* a poem in the series: "Mr. Hip (Trump) Goes To Town!" 07/14/2019 (Sunday) July = 7 + 1 + 4 = 12 . . . 1 + 2 = 3! . . . 2 + 0 + 1 + 9 = 12 . . . 1 + 2 = … Read More
  • Praise ~
    "IN PRAISE OF PRESIDENT TRUMP!" a poem a.k.a.: "A Great America Is A Good America; A Great President Is A Good President!" a.k.a.: "How To Balance Diplomacy And Keep 'Her' Safe!" in the ever-popular series: "Mr. Hip (Trump) Goes To Town!"* Sunday: July 14, 2019 SOMETIMES, some-isolation – is-appropriate – and-blessed! Thank God for our … Read More
  • Letter to my Husband ~
    I may not be able to tell you every day but I need you to know that you are my world. That day I first saw you from the corner of my eye I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open choosing to take all in my stride every step along the … Read More
  • Famous quotes~
    If thou suffer injustice, console thyself; the true unhappiness is in doing it – Democritus
  • American Philosophy 💥💥
    American Philosophy The term “American Philosophy,” perhaps surprisingly, has been somewhat vague. While it has tended to primarily include philosophical work done by Americans within the geographical confines of the United States, this has not been exclusively the case. For example, Alfred North Whitehead came to the United States relatively late in life. On the … Read More
  • DurkheimÉmile Durkheim was a French sociologist who rose to prominence in the late 19th ~
    DurkheimÉmile Durkheim was a French sociologist who rose to prominence in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Along with Karl Marx and Max Weber, he is credited as being one of the principal founders of modern sociology. Chief among his claims is that society is a sui generis reality, or a reality unique to … Read More
  • FEMINISM~
    Feminism Michel FoucaultPoststructuralism and contemporary feminism have emerged as two of the most influential political and cultural movements of the late twentieth century. The recent alliance between them has been marked by an especially lively engagement with the work of French philosopher Michel Foucault. Although Foucault makes few references to women or to the issue … Read More
  • The Absolute Best Historically Accurate …
    to put it mildly, we at True West have been overjoyed—nay, overwhelmed—by our readers’ responses to the deceptively simple question: What is historically… — Read on truewestmagazine.com/historically-accurate-westerns/ https://youtu.be/fvqwFcieyxI https://youtu.be/8Hd2oi0M8pU https://youtu.be/asK0kB7MLfU
  • American history ~
    5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT COWBOYS AND OUTLAWS OF THE WEST The Wild West got its name as it turned out to be a wild location! Over time, more than 170 television westerns are produced, particularly during the 1950s and 1960s. In reality, prostitution was not that different in the Old West than it … Read More
  • Healthy Living ~
    https://youtu.be/T1gNxgLsudk https://youtu.be/5CxatcdpbUE
  • Eternally Mine ~
    https://youtu.be/yXQViqx6GMY “JANUARY 5TH! THE 12TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS!” a.k.a.: “When I Got Up This Morning At 2 A. M., Having Dreamed Of YOU!” 🙂 01/05/2018. FreyasDay {For: My Intimate MissY} On the 12th Day of Christmas, Little Jesus Said: “There’re 12 beautiful (X-mas) cards, next to my bed. I got 11 jelly beans, these from … Read More

The Professor’s New Journey ~ Mystic Poet

I found this by the bed! It appears to have been written by “somebody else,” certainly NOT ME! Therefore, since I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S IN IT and I am just going to type in down, word for word, having no judgment, I AM SURE that the censors at Facebook, Tumblr and all the rest will simply allow it to be posted – because it is obviously coming from The Unconscious Mind and, therefore, can NOT be deemed inappropriate and/or lewd! It is simply: WHAT IT IS! Don’t you-all agree, y’all!?

“THANK GOD FOR MAKING ME AN ATHEIST!” 05/31/2019 [It was Friday!]

It’s the last day of May & I expect to pay,

For this poem, but – please consider the way,

That I shall tactfully offer it – to you bunch of wonderful folks, [intriguing so far?]

And, of course, since it’s only The Mystic Poet – it could just be a poem about jokes,

But let’s start at The Beginning or A Beginning – of some Time then,

Before there was the existence of mice or men,

The “brilliant” world treatises say SIMPLY “There was NAUGHT!”

Not even a place to pee or poo! That’s right, NAUGHT even a pot!

And from NOTHING, which makes no sense AT ALL,

There came SOMETHING – Is this tale too tall?

There “came?” something into (2) time & space!

Is this getting too silly for you yet? Well, just you brace!

Because that “something” [L. O. L.] is what Religion calls GOD,

And that is something – people are supposed to laud,

And HONOR! (pause) and (pause) OBEY!

And -yet, from (or – of) THAT – everything-emerged-down-to-The-Present-Day!!

OK! So, GOD!? peeled off parts of itself,

And-we-are-in-God’s-“image!?” [Words are in books and should be locked away

ON THE SHELF!]

And – we’re one with The Source,

And, also, _ [I can’t read it!] of a horse!

And there are atheists close by,

Who are rotten[?] of[?] lie . . .

About God – who . . . [This is where it ends!] [I think I see a kaleidoscope eye!]

fin <3

Andre Lundquist Artist

  • Monsters under your bed ~
    "IF YOU FIND THEM!" a poem a.k.a.: "Integration!" July 15, 2019: Monday IF you check-for and-find MONSTERS! under-your-bed, Remember: You are just – gazing INTO YOUR HEAD! For, whatever "terrors" you might see, Are-already RESIDING-THERE, inside of Thee! So, here's some-hopefully – acceptable advice! Just crawl under your bed (Don't think twice!) And make FRIENDS … Read More
  • Nuns~
    "SHE!' a poem about: AFTER The Musical "Nunsense!" July 15, 2019 (Monday) As-we-left-Sul-Ross'-PLAY-ground, a-spectator-commented-there: "THAT! WAS- SUCH-NUNSENSE, [for] – BOTULISM*-would-never-dare, To-take-any-of-OUR-NUNS! For, she-was-Catholic, with FAITH-T'-SPARE! [I overheard this comment, AS NUNS PO(o)URED-out-into-The-SUL-try-Evening-Air!] It seems-as-if the girls (THE GIRLS! – from the Play) Had undressed! (and-were-coming-to-greet-us!**) LET-US PRAY: "Lord, Oh-Lord – of Heaven above, How-can-such-"pigeons" exist-[with]in-Your-Love?" … Read More
  • Respect ~
    "RESPECT LOST; RESPECT RE-GAINED!" a poem a.k.a.: "Just Ask Around!" in the series: "Mr. Hip (Trump) Goes To Town!" 15 July 2019 (Moon-day) Yes, THE WORLD really LOST respect for [the] US[A.], when George W. was "in;" For-8 LONG YEARS – we-had-to-deal with-his goofy, "Frat-House" grin! He wasn't that smart, BUT – he wasn't a … Read More
  • Mildura ~ Australia ~ Don’t go there for a holiday
    Sitting on the shores of the muddy, toxic-algae-filled Murray River and tucked just inside the Victorian border, Mildura owes its existence to an irrigation experiment that transformed it from an arid wasteland into a soggy wasteland that grows fruit. The city’s horticultural heritage is reflected in the names of its streets including Orange Avenue, Lemon … Read More
  • So funny ~
    Making a baby. This is hilarious!  There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!– The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm … Read More

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

Art ~ Photography ~ Black/White

” if i look at any subject for some time, the spectacle enchants me. This is the curse of the photographer.”

One of the best photographers of modernity Irvin Penn was born on June 16, 1917

In his youth he was going to become a painter, but soon for some reason destroyed all his works.

This is how the world lost the artist Irvin Penn, but he bought the future genius photographer. In 1943, the cover of “Vogue” appeared his first picture, and this date can be considered the beginning of his brilliant career.