1. Look for things to appreciate.
This is common advice in, and for good reason. It’s a game-changer to develop a habit of noticing what we like about our other person.
Don’t overlook this gem for its simplicity or mundaneness. If every time you engaged a critical thought, you turned it around by clocking something you appreciate about them, that relationship will skyrocket into fabulous territory. Shoot, I even did it by accident once.
2. Love them up old-school.
Remember how in the beginning you only had eyes for their perfection and were blind to faults? You can plug back into that original love vibe by recalling what you were so taken with about them, before contrast clouded your vision.
Just take a moment now to recall what drew you to them in the first place. Next write that down and keep it handy for occasional review, or be prepared to recapture this perspective next time you find yourself dwelling on less than fabulous thoughts.
The first time I laid eyes on Russ I had a strong sensation of coming home. It felt like I’d been on vacation all my life and I’d finally returned home sweet home. Recalling that brings me right back to the truth of what’s possible for us together.
3. Release your grudges.
If there are memories or stories you’ve been hanging on to that you don’t want more of (I’m talking resentments, grudges, grievances, etc.) consider letting that go. Your relationship will be handicapped as long as you nurse old wounds.
That’s why it’s well worth letting that old reality be exactly that – an old reality. Stop bringing it into your present experience and make room for something better.
When I find myself lingering on a negative memory of Russ, I quote dad’s wisdom: “I don’t hold anything against anyone any more.” It helps me shake off the negative past and create a more enjoyable present.
4. Give what you want to receive.
When we stop trying to outsource our happiness, and instead take responsibility for our own feelings, it gives the relationship breathing room to thrive.
Whatever we wish someone else would give us so we could feel better, we can give that to ourselves. You wish he was more considerate and respectful? Dial up your own self-respect and consideration. You want her to be more loving and attentive? Lead the way yourself.
I used to blame Russ for not appreciating me like I thought he should. When I gave myself the gift I wanted from him (by finding ways to appreciate myself more), I felt better right away and it didn’t take long for him to follow my lead. Magic happens when we release the pressure we’ve put on them for how we feel.
5. Distance yourself from drama.
If you’ve got friends or family who chronically complain about their connections, limit your exposure to that energy. Don’t overly entertain others’ relationship criticisms.
Be discerning about the conversations and people you engage. Make a point of talking about what you prefer rather than what you wouldn’t consciously invite into your world. Because, as Jim Rohn said, we are who we hang out with.
6. Practice “I love that about you.”
When you see something you don’t like in your partner, try this little trick to turn that vibration around:
Say they’ve done that thing you just can’t stand. Again. Instead of engaging your inner critic, simply say to yourself (or even out loud), “I love that about you.”
Your Inner Being (aka Higher Self) really does love that about them, so when you think that thought you’re connecting with the part of you that sees them as Source does. And that’s a delicious and immediate shift.
In my experience, sometimes this trick works wonders and sometimes it just takes the edge off the criticism. But even that is a vibrational improvement.
7. Love them like you got what you wanted.
Have you noticed how much nicer we are when we’re fulfilled and satisfied? And have you noticed on the other hand how we sometimes withhold the goods when someone isn’t delivering what we want? Let’s suspend that latter routine, and instead lead the way to a happy relationship by conducting ourselves like we already got what we wanted.
My boyfriend works this magic on me sometimes … he’ll treat me like gold for no obvious reason. And when he does, I rise to the occasion and meet him at that gold standard. It’s a reliable way to draw the best out of your partner.
8. Clean up your expectations.
Often times what blocks another from being really good to us is our knowing who they are. We can only get what we vibrate, so when we expect someone to behave badly (“He’s a jerk”; “She’s so needy”), it’s a challenge for them to buck that vibrational current.
Practice seeing them at their best. As Abe would say, imagine their “vortex version” and let any low-vibe expectations evolve into positive ones. People live up to and down to our expectations all day long. Give your partner something good to work with!
When I found myself expecting Russ to be mad or upset about something, he was. When I shifted my expectations, it was like a different boyfriend came home from work that day. He matched my thoughts so perfectly it was a little spooky.
9. Rethink the negative past.
This is master level manifesting, and isn’t for all creators. It’s different than the tip to release a grudge, because what we’re doing with this one is imagining our past problem never happened. Or at least that it unfolded differently.
I learned this from Lynne McTaggart, who suggested we can change the past by recreating the memory in our minds. Not as it happened, but the way we prefer it had.
We do that by simply imagining the past events differently. That’s all. Tell a softer version of the past, and your present reality will adjust accordingly.
I practiced this once with a blowout that led to a five year estrangement with a loved one. Instead of thinking of that day as the big fight that ruined everything, I re-imagined that it wasn’t that big a deal. I told myself it was clear there was still a lot of love flowing between us and that all was well. Within days I received a love note and we were soon on friendly terms again, as if nothing had ever happened.
10. Open to possibilities.
Sometimes the transformation that’s being called for in our relationship is an ending. When we resist or deny that, we prevent our expansion and end up sabotaging our true fulfillment.
It simply doesn’t serve us when we’re attached to a particular outcome, so letting go our ideas of what’s “supposed to be” allows things to unfold in a way that serves everyone best. The name of this game isn’t using books to keep this person in our lives at any cost. It’s about finding a way to feel what we want and let Universe sort the details that match.
When I question the future of a relationship and am not sure whether to work it out or cut it loose, I let Universe guide me. My job is to vibrate what I want, so I tune into the feelings of a healthy, rewarding, happy relationship. I don’t necessarily know who I’m in this fabulous relationship with, but I do know how it feels. When I vibrate that, Universe makes things clear very quickly.
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