“THE TRUE STORY: OF HOTCAKES AND HER VEGAN SAUSAGES!” a poem a.k.a.: “How Alpine Became A Veritable Paradise For Lesbians And Gay Couples!” in the series: “Things WE Have Wondered About ALL OUR LIVES – And We Are Now Getting Them Answered In The Final Seconds of 2018!” Saturday: December 29, 2018
[“They’re SELLING LIKE HOTCAKES!!” Can-you tell-me-true,
Where-that expression came from? I-think – I NEVER-KNEW!]
Well, sit down and REST – and I’ll-relate – to – you,
THE-AMAZING-STORY-OF-“HOTCAKES,” (and)-how- She-could- WOO-woo!
It-was-NOT-FAR-FROM-HERE (just-“over-there”) and-“Hotcakes”- liked-her-life!
She-was-HOT – with-her-“cakes!” (and)-she-was-NO-a-BODY’s-wife!!
She-was-so-hot-(that-)-all-men-just-sought – to-be-with-this-(sweet)-Dear,
And-She – SOLD! her sexy wares! (and)-lots-of-folks-shed-many-a-tear!
Until ONE DAY, she-just-became – “MAD-as-an-adder, oh, Heck,”
She-was so-dang-ed-harried (daily), (that) she-just-became- a wreck!
So “Hotcakes” she WENT CRAZY, investing lots of money*-
In fancy-electrical-systems (for killing folks), my Honey!
She got-her this-ELECTRIC-FLOOR, with special “touch control,”
And, whenever-men-would-enter, they simply – lost their soul!
They would be “elec-tro-FRIED, ” (pause) by-the terrible shock,
Of HOTCAKES’-HOT-FLOOR-PANELS! &-they’d-have-a-stiffened (pause)
And THEY’d-FALL! Yes, they fell! (pause) THEY-FELL LIKE(with)-little-FLIES!
So-Alpine-lost-its-men! THERE-WERE-MANY fond GOOD-BYES!
And, then, without no men around, the-Alpine-women cried!
Then-we-shipped-for-us-some-Marfa-men! [You KNOW, I’ve never lied!!!!]
Yes, yes, OH, YES! from: Marfa – fellas-came-to-town!
BUT! They were vegans** and-because-o’-that – they-ALL-soon-wore-a-frown,
When they FOUND-OUT that Hotcakes – had shock-ED, maimed & killed,
All-those-Alpine-sexy-guys! So-The-“Marfans” were-NOT thrilled!
You-know, they simply don’t believe – in-killing-no-“sentient-being!”
They-were “PRO-LIFE,” yet Hotcakes – was easi-ly-a-seeing,
A brand, new crop of fellas – that she could quite corrupt!
So, remembering her sexy wiles, she-became – yes! – quite-abrupt:
And INVITED all the Marfans – for-“A-Party-O’-Ap-o-lo-gy,”
And those silly, Marfa guys – well, they-believed-HER-cakes, that-she,
Had-had “a real change of Heart!” (at-this-point: “GOLLY, GEE!!”)
THEY WERE “IN FOR QUITE A SHOCK,” veganese – or not,
So-she-got ALL THE MARFANS (too) – and IT WAS QUITE-A LOT,
Of nice-a-Vegan “beefcake(s);” she-cooked-’em-in-a-stew!
And also VEGAN-GUY-POT-PIES – for me-a-and for you!?
Now-THE MORAL OF THIS STORY, which-isn’t-hard-to-find,
Is: When you’re SELLING-LIKE-HOTCAKES, you’ve-(also)-got-sausage(s)-in-mind!
And men in-Alpine – or-even-Marfa – can-be cooked-up – oh, so-right!
With HOTCAKES! They-are-yummy: FLUFFY, VEGAN (&) LIGHT! 🙂 – Ahh! OK!
- and she had A LOT, from years of “community service!” in Alpine, Texas, U. S. A.
** – No living things were destroyed in the making of this poem! except my brain cells!
*** – Including, of course, all the deputies and sheriff of Brewster County!! It was a MESS! but – it was QUICK! 🙂