“I’VE NO IDEA WHEN THIS IS GOING TO BE!!” a poem a.k.a.: “BUT SOON!!” a.k.a.: “Could-a-Would-a-Should-a!” a.k.a.: “Eulogy 4 A Texas Friend Name-Of Don!” 12 – 12 – ! – 18 O. M. G.!! Odin’s Day 2 OMG!
It’ll be soon now, Honey – I’m REALLY PRETTY SURE SOON!
It’s been REALLY NICE knowing ya – (Yea) prob’ly before noon!
We’re not sure – if The World – is gonna just collapse,
Or! IF-The-Internet-will-shut-down, oh, my God! Perhaps,
BUT! – DO (even-though-it’ll-make-no-difference) SEND THIS TO-100-FRIENDS,
Even though – we-don’t-really-know – WHEN THE WORLD – E N D S !!
Anyway! It’s IMMINENT! I think – that is the word,
And – IT WILL BE “THE END;” that is what I’ve heard!
I wish we had MORE TIME (pause) there never is enough,
And I WISH – all those lonely times – I had not been SO GRUFF,
With you! Yea-I’m-REALLY-sorry – about THE OTHER TIMES too,
When destruction was ALSO imminent – Yeah, well – those-ones-were-NOT-TRUE!
But-THIS ONE – this-is-for-certain! This-is-IT-The-End-The-FINAL CURTAIN!
So. Gosh! I wish we could have planned – to live a life together,
And to have done – some S & M – with chains-and-a-little-leather,
And, YOU KNOW – more ice cream – and, of course-a, way more sex,
For YOU, my Friend – my loving LOVE – my comfy-friendly-“Tex!”
Oh, well, ,it’s OVER now & (y-know) I woulda sucked your (long pause) THUMB,
And! I woulda been MORE SUBMISSIVE! I woulda kissed – your bum!
Hey! Wait! This IS crazy-and-just in:
O.M.G.! a false alarm! Well-here-we-go-again!
Back – to LIVING! Dang! Though! That-was-QUITE-exciting!
Yet, you-know – those things-I-said, so promised – and inviting?
Yeah! I didn’t REALLY mean ’em – I was only kidding!
You CAN’T hold me- to those things – I was just LID-a-FLIPPING.
Oh, come-on now – you-can’t hold me to THAT!
I’ve got (my) DIGNITY-and-PRIDE – I’m not your pussy cat!
And NO! You CAN’T lick THAT – it’s sacred ground down there,
AND ARMAGEDDON SOME BAD VIBES NOW – no shavin’ (my) pub(l)ic hair!
You just BETTER – stay away! from me! You slimy, HORNY GUY!
(So! I had to shoot him dead – I-shot-him-deep-into his eye),
And, as he lay there bleeding, with-a-real-hard-on quite-on,
I exclaimed: “I-guess-’twas-NO-false-alarm-for you! Just-call-me-your-Armaged-Don!”*
- WE are NOT arma-gonna-get-it-on! So, just die now – there will be 72 virgins waiting for you in Heaven! (Aren’t you glad?) (I did you a favor!) (OK?)