Diary of a Madman🕴🕴🕴🕴

. . . (49) . . . to an end, where procreation & real marriage are legitimate
objectives, not lust & sensual immersion/enjoyment, for its own
sake. Boy, oh boy, have I ever missed the mark (sinned).
I have to remember that this stuff can easily go “the other way”
& turn into self-righteousness & unkindness & demonization of
all “animal desires,” which are human desires which simply must
be recognized, & tamed or exploited, not demonized. Such an attitude
is itself, perhaps, as grievous as indulge(ance). The Peace that pass-eth
all understanding, then, has to be “the razor’s edge,” equanimity,
but ONLY by the “grace of God” is anyone Able to traverse this path (?)
I left “the path” (IF I was ever even approximately near/on it), it feels,
so long ago to my destruction and regret. America seems to have
done much the same thing, reflecting my “process.”
I’ve been reading “The Flight of the Wild Gander,” by Joseph Campbell,
& am reminded of the dream of the snake woman, who destroys
an Indian who lusts after her & then is consumed by the snakes of
his own passions. MY story . . . to my horror & regret. To live
long enough to recognize it is interesting, but regrettable unless,
I guess, I could again, somehow, take the position of: Is it bad;
is it good. who knows – I don’t even know, even though my
initial thought (or is it initial?) is (it’s) bad to fall, but to recognize
the fall, but HAVE I REALLY LEARNED A LESSON? The only way
to know is to live life, but I feel sure my life is over. It surely
seems that way = Another recurrent theme of this journal. –
Ladies, for the sake(s) of silly men (&many/most are) please, ladies,
dress & act modestly. Swami Rama said it was the advice to the
renunciant on the path, “Avoid money, women & fame.” – – – money might
get you beaten & robbed or killed; women are likely to confuse and
take(n) you off “the path,” through marriage & /or householder requirements,
& fame will use up all your time & possibly lead to self-adulation:
THE PATH IS narrow & steep, but for God’s grace, who can
traverse it?
(at this point, my mother must have just showed up!!) There’s Mom again, a seemingly perpetual “cleaner.” She was trained
with excellence, as a housekeeper & family provider. A noble
path. Truly she is to be recognized and applauded, rather then,
as I have done, despised for her apparent obsessive compulsiveness . . .(which is a trait that most of us might be wise to applaud and exploit, but we are now TAUGHT, by the medical/pharmaceutical establishment, to TREAT IT!! THEY tell us what is bad and good, and we buy into it!! . . . to our financial and health detriment. Sigh!)

Editor: These Journal pages break my heart into a million pieces too.

If I receive the writers permission an email received from a fellow suffer of a Broken Soul wrote in answer to these Pages. I will post here 😓