Diaries of a Madman 🕴🕴🕴

(48) . . . from home and so sure, sure his father has forgotten him or wants nothing more to do with him. Herein lies the ultimate terror – the fear of being barred from (what you THINK is) the only “location” where you would ever, actually, experience lasting peace of mind, peace of body, peace of soul [L. O. L.] . . . this is the realm of Heaven (perhaps), not a place, but a state of existence, unperturbed by any sensory experience. The Prodigal Son’s “squandering his inheritance” seems nothing more than some silly desire to give up his peace of mind for the excitement of experiences; sadly, without the SURE knowledge that, to the extent you get really excited, you will have to deal with real depression. Watch out how far you soar to the Sun on your wings of wax, Oh, Icharus. The fall is severe! (HOW ARE YOU? I am just here, however {or whatever} I am.) The shaking in my body, like being on a vibrating bed, turned onto the MAX with no timer. You can only let it vibrate being strapped to the bed. Is it good or bad? That’s so hard! (I mean) to even imagine (this thing) as anything but bad. A nerve conditon ? . . . who knows. ECCL.: “To live contently is a gift of God!” – – – I found a note! THE NOTE (from years ago, perhaps, reads): “I am so grateful & happy that the Higher Self is fully incarnating into the manifest physical body!” (Yea!!!) I remember crying when, in 8th grade, a girl took an interest in me – I guess I knew that my attachment to sensory experiences (like the look or smell of a woman) would surely contribute to my downfall in life. Sadly, I feel sure it has. My passions have consumed me & left me as a quaking heap, good for nothing. Is any redemption possible? I, of course, fear not. IF I had just had the wisdom to interpret those tears, so long ago – tears, saying, “These attractive creatures are most dangerous for you, like TV, addictive and destructive, BUT – it’s NOT THEIR FAULT, but the fault of an addictive, easily hypnotized tendency, inherent in me &, therefore, MY FAULT, or, better put, MY responsibility, part of a life lesson to be able to, NOT SO MUCH AS AVOID, but be very aware of the “fairer sex,” a lure and trap for the unwary but, I suppose, a means . . . https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;_ylt=A0geKV_tslVbW.MAhb0PxQt.;_ylu=X3oDMTByMjB0aG5zBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzYw–?p=Woman+John+Lennon&fr=yhs-domaindev-domaindev_getwebdiscover&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts4.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOVP.ylQ0aMVckhnaTrqCPZ4W5AHgFo%26pid%3D15.1%26w%3D136%26h%3D77%26c%3D7&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DZhfWiU8wGCc&tit=Woman+-+John+Lennon&w=144&h=78&pos=1&vid=a384d875f78f57897b3e970039db3a2e&sigr=11bglpst0&sigt=10j214o95&sigi=12jq20f4o&hspart=domaindev&hsimp=yhs-domaindev_getwebdiscover