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“A Requiem For Reciprocity”

Do you remember
your first time?
Saying it in your head
or thinking out loud..
Trying to say it out loud..
Like, “I’m In Looooo……”
Dammit..
But you just can’t
bring yourself to say it..
Words stuck in your throat like fresh Popeyes biscuits..
Mouthing the words
isn’t sufficient..
You need to let her know..
Because not letting
her know would be an
omission of said affection..

Quick to compare perfection
to her milky complexion
as if the former couldn’t hope
to hold a light to her.
Wouldn’t fight for her
before now
when the fight was just
to see how long
before imaginative thoughts
stemmed from perceived positions
on the couch
became more fluid with each shout
I’ve heard in silence.
Timeless this temperamental tirade
I’ve gained by loss in a trade
for the simplicity of affection….
Maybe our direction
in the pursuit of perfection
has stirred this tension between us….

Time passes in a timeless fashion.
Seconds, minutes, hours
feel like months and years.
Compilation of euphoric moments
condensed into brief instances.
Doing things seen as uncharacteristic
because, quite frankly, I loooooo…
… Just cause it’s Wednesday.
Which I’d like to use as euphemism.
Showered with material
things which serve as a
masquerade for my true intent.
Shallow veneer, I’d admit.
But what is one to do
when the words formed in
my brain won’t accurately
articulate themselves
phonetically.

Aesthetically,
feelings are benign.
Just ripples in time that aren’t clear
until we stand still.

Life is always moving.

Is proving myself to you
really moving myself a few
meters closer?
Do your arms drape my shoulders
like they once did during embrace?
If I show but will not say,
will you still cover your face
in that pretentious cloak of indifference?
Isn’t it the experience that remains?
Are the memories in chains
or can they claim a holiday?
If my actions are ignored,
what I say should be implored
even less.
Right?
I’ve thought to speak
but convey better in movement.
If one’s voice trumps volition,
then we should look toward improvement…

I’ll muster up the
courage one day.
But for now, I’ll create a
circumference around my
heart and placing you on it’s radius.
Position comfortably,
not a care in the world.
A bee line through your
complexities to unveil the real you.
Manufactured uncertainties would
dare you to think ill of my intent..
Unintentionally keeping
me two steps back..
But to no avail.
Ambition lackluster at best
because in the fringes of your
brain you know that I’m here for you.
Emotions spontaneously combust
amongst the battle between
what you see versus what you feel.
And me, in all my angst, will
someday unsheathe how I truly feel.
And you, in all your glory, will
know what it feels like to be in…

….and when then arrives,
I’d advise against
the inclination to shy away.
The least bit of refrain
would only serve
to break open
an already raw wound
with exposed nerves
worn much further
than the sleeve discloses.
What one might suppose is
that we’ve been forever.
“That’s how old love acts.”
“That’s what years look like.”
Even when we look right,
we’ve flown dangerously
close to the left.
Maybe at best,
this is what is made of we.
I guess it was meant to be….

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